Rant - How can a mother be so selfish?
My bf of 1-1/2 years has 2 kids, SD13 and SS9. We live roughly 1000 miles away from them, so he only gets them for the summer and alternates Christmas and Thanksgiving. Last summer the kids were with us for about 8 weeks. I was shocked to see barely 2 weeks worth of clothes sent with the kids. Underwear and socks had holes in them, the SD's clothes were too small by at least a size. Between my bf and I, we spent $500 on each kid for summer clothes as well as new school clothes for the next year. At Christmas, I spent another $200 for the SS and $500 for the SD. This summer, only 1 week's worth of clothes were sent. The SS, everything I bought him last year. The SD is growing, so most of her stuff is too small, but most of it is what I had bought her last year.
BM receives $1,100 a moth CS (even when the kids are with bf), lives rent free with her bf in a section 8 neighborhood, and works full time at Wal-Mart. The kids are on a free lunch program at school. The kids clothes are so worn they have holes or are too small. At Christmas, SD told me her mom brought them a lot of things for Christmas. When I saw her a few days after Christmas, I asked what she got. She got a hula-hoop and a Animal cap...that her mom said she over spent her paycheck and had to take things back. SD was with me at the grocery store Sunday when BM called her. SD was asked by BM what all had be bought for her so far. We've had the kids with us for a week!
She expects us to buy the kids clothes and shoes, that's why she's only sent enough for a week!! I have no problem buying things the kids need, but they should not NEED this much. She should be buying also! She works at Wal-Mart for heaven's sake, she can buy shorts for $10 for her daughter where she can actually zip and button them!!
It goes further than just clothes. She does not want to spend any money on these kids, even when it concerns their health!
SS raised his arm the other night and there are two 4" long, 1/4" wide scars. I asked what happened. He had been climbing on a tree and slipped, part of a branch caught his arm and cut him. BM did not take him to the ER, put a band-aid on it and that was it. SD said it was really bad and he should have gone to the ER.
SD has horrible acne on her face and shoulders. The only face wash she has ever had, I have purchased for her. SD also has had rash on her back for months and her joints have been hurting for at least 6 months, BM has never taken her to the doctor for either. SD has glasses that are useless because her eyes have changed since she got the glasses 2+ years ago.
Since BM is the primary, she is supposed to take the kids to the doctors, dentists and eye doctors. BM is to pay the first $50 of the bill, then bf and BM split the rest. The Skids have not been to anything for least 2 years. All appointments have been made for the next two weeks for bf to take them. He is Air Force, so when the kids are with him, the health care is free. BM knows this holds off taking them when needed until they are with bf.
Both skids have earned money through chores with us or were given $ for Christmas/Birthdays. Both have told me before they went back in the summer and at Christmas time they had money left, but they were not going to tell their BM because she would take it from them and they would not get to spend it.
Are you freaking kidding me?!?!?! Bf has told me of BM's history with money, causing him to have to file bankruptcy after their divorce because of all the debt she created under his name without him knowing. Never having anything to show of the money though. He swears no drugs, but there has to be something. Stealing from your own kids. Not being willing to spend money to make sure your son's arm heals properly and does not get an infection. Not caring that your daughter has skin issues.
BM makes me sick. I would move heaven and earth for these two kids. They are really good kids. They are embarrassed about the lacking of their BM. SD tries to get me to not buy her much, tells me that she is fine. I took her Saturday to get some clothes. She was so reluctant at first, looking at me for approval each time she picked something up that she liked. It breaks my heart. SD is aware that BM gets paid CS, has made comments that the money is gone in a week.
The craziest thing, bf offered BM a deal last summer. If she let him keep the kids for a school year and he would still pay her CS. She turned it down, saying she'd be a selfish mom if she did that. Ugg!! She frustrates me so much.
Wtf? That's a great deal.
Wtf? That's a great deal. Court should be involved. Seems like the kids need a lot more than she can give.
Document everything and fight
Document everything and fight for custody. In a year after you have provided proof of medical neglect and have a couple 5" note books full of crap, a judge will see the truth. If he is in the Air Force the kids are able to get a id card to be treated on a base. and because she is the Bio-mother she is allowed to take them, she doesnt get covered but the kids are with or without dad present (I was in the air force)
Document and sue for full
Document and sue for full custody. This is neglect....
BM is selfish. She doesn't
BM is selfish. She doesn't want to give up the kids and maybe she's afraid that you'll change your mind about the CS arrangement after the kids start school.
We paid $1100 a month for two as well and I refuse to add to that support knowing that BM made almost as much money as DH. Based upon what you've said, it seems unlikely that she has trouble affording clothes for them.
Here's the thing: the kids are with you all summer. She probably thinks it's a waste for her to buy them clothes to spend the summer with you. She lets you buy the clothes they will wear while with you. It would be really nice if she would send them with nice things that fit, but that's too much like right. After all, that Wal-Mart employee discount ain't bad. Just plan on having to do it every year.
Send a note home to MOM telling her how you appreciate and how fun shopping with her daughter is. Let her know you look forward to it every year. For good measure, include a really cute all smiles photo of you and your SD with her in a really cute new outfit.
holy cow. I think we are one
holy cow. I think we are one in the same. I would think I wrote that. You are not alone
Wow. We have a very similar
Wow. We have a very similar situation with our BM. She gets CS each month but the kids are wearing hand-me-downs that the teachers are giving them. BM actually moved to a new county and school district because the previous school was wise to her neglect and involved Child Protective Services. We see skids every weekend, and routinely have to buy basic necessities for the kids so they do not wander about looking like ragamuffins. When the situation was addressed with BM, she stated that the clothes they have are good enough. Not sure what she is spending CS on, there's no evidence of substance abuse, possibly just poor financial planning on her part. You may need to just accept that BM is neglectful and continue to meet the children's needs while documenting and building your case to get full custody of the children. Children deserve to be taken care of properly, they did not ask to be brought into this world and it is both parents' responsibility to meet the children's needs. It sounds like your husband cares about the kids and wants what is best for them. Good luck to you both and I hope you get those kids very soon.
Absolutely terrible, just
Absolutely terrible, just what is she spending the cs on, I shudder to think, how anyone can treat children like this is beyond me, as others have said this is neglect plain and simple, I think you need legal advice as how to proceed with this, surely you have the right to intercede if you believe the cs is not being spent properly on the children? As for the neglect you must both do what is in your power to ensure these childrens quality of life is improved, this happened to my ex skids, It broke my heart to see the little boy in pants so tight they left a red ring for 2 days around his little waist, we involved social services, bm then decided she did'nt want them anymore and my God they were better off with us, I know you are angry and upset that is because you are a normal person with normal morals, this Bm cannot be allowed to carry on with this neglect, I wish you well and please let us know what happens.