As this is my blog, it doesn't have to make sense.
If you want it to, go back thru my bookmarked posts.

Got up early. Another weekend at his place. My kids w their dad, his at home. FSS16 spent one whole Fucking night in juvi.....oooooo please make it stop, if I hear you say he's going to change after one NIGHT again, I will vomit.

FSD13 refused last night to call a friend, wouldn't go to her grandparents, nothing. She likes to dominate his time even though she gets him FIVE DAYS A WEEK, so last night, while we are trying to watch some shows and have some us time, she's just sitting there, texting on the couch all night to her sister ( his ex stepdaugter ) about me, laughing, snickering and every five seconds her ipod goes off " dingding" with a new message. So when she's not texting she's rolling her eyes that I'm trying to snuggle up to daddy. Getting Pist. She HAD THE OPTION of having someone spend the night. But NO. She's going to sulk and stand her ground on her little place .... getting right in the middle of me and her dad.

Anyway. After a boring tv run and a couple of drinks she's still there. So we decide to go to bed. Daddy gave her a two litre of Pepsi so she wouldn't feel so bad. Really??

This morning we wake up at 6, being early risers during the week it just happens. So I say let's go on a date ( his kids never get up before 1pm ) and go have breakfast.

So we go. He orders his breakfast I order mine. Then we each trend back into our phones silently ignoring each other. Not angrily, just pure indifference.
We manage to talk about getting separate Christmas trees, to which he GLADLY says " ya, you should have one at your place too " ( Fuck it all, when will this separate yours and mine bullshit end, is what I'm thinking ), and we sip on our bloody marys while waiting for our food. Again, he's back to his iPhone and I'm staring out the window picturing how much cheaper Christmas will be if we don't combine xmas morning this year.

I'm lost in thought, remembering with bitter annoyance that last year, after reading our Christmas eve book (my family tradition) and having cider ( and like all the previous years his kids rudely acted like it was unimportant to them and didn't participate or interrupted) and, let's not forget that his kids also woke up at 2am and opened the presents so xmas morning was RUINED....
My kids slept while his ruined it.

The rest of breakfast was spent ignoring each other in more quiet indifference. As we are finishing up, I ask the waitress in my "im hurting and you don't even know how much" tone if voice, " can you please split the check, we're paying separately" setting my card next to my glass.....
"Separately" hung in the air like a green cloud of suffocating poisonous gas, slowly centering itself over the table...... my moment of silence is broken and he asks in his " tone" as we walk outside, " What? Are you sad that we didn't have mind blowing conversation at breakfast?".....

More than you will ever know.

And as the streetlights pass by and the foggy morning makes its way into my foggy brain, all I can think is " Should I leave today, or wait until after separate Christmas is over?"

Dear January. Please go easy on me.