Question for full time or nearly full time step parents
I am wondering do you ever take a break from the kids? I am faced with a situation right now when the bio mom abandoned he child and my fiance is seeking full custody. I am trying to think about how it will all work. I don't have any kids and relish my time alone that's one reason why I have been unsure my whole life if I want my own kids. I thought being with a guy with kids would be the perfect solution by having kids part time but that's not in cards for me. I have to face having a child full time.
I was just trying to imagine my life and thinking about maybe taking a vacation by myself for a week once a year. Of course I have no idea how I am going to feel once I am actually doing this but just the idea that I can do that because I am not really the mother made me feel better. I asked my fiance what he thought and he said he thought it was strange I would think that. I know that he wants me to be excited and enthusiastic about having this child full time and I already feel like an evil stepmother not feeling that way. I think one reason is that the situation is not already existing so I can't see how it works. We have been talking about moving in together and now it's moving in together and getting his child at the same time.
Anyway my question is about getting breaks and leaving the parent with the child for a weekend or a vacation? Is that mean or is that OK? I am just so scared because I barely know this child so I don't really have any relationship with her I can't imagine raising her full time and losing my free time completely.
My dad (step father to my 5
My dad (step father to my 5 older siblings) would often take a weekend away (5 to 6 a year). It wasn't strange, we barely noticed he was gone. He would just head into town and stay at a moderately priced hotel and unwind. No problems, mom did the same thing and would leave us with the grandparents.
ALL parents (step parents too!) need to unwind now and then. Don't make it awkward, just have a weekend to yourself!
Hell, I was single with no children and would go have a weekend at a casino to unwind!!
Bingo!! Exactly. Also, for
Bingo!! Exactly.
Also, for the OP, it is virtually impossible to "disengage" from a child that lives in your home. Very unrealistic advice.
Some excellent advice here.
Some excellent advice here. One thing I would like to add....
Before you move in with this guy, PLEASE examine one thing- does he want a relationship with YOU, or does he want HELP?
A lot of these single dads partner up very quickly with any nice girl they think will fill that "Mom" role. To me, as a FT Step-Mom of three, the idea of taking a weekend or short vacation away by myself is completely normal, and my partner supports it 100 percent. In fact, I take a weekend with my girlfriends at least 4 times a year, sometimes more. So if this guy is perplexed about why you might want a break from raising his child, that is a red flag about the size of Texas that he doesn't want "the help" leaving.
Just be sure he really wants YOU. If he does want you, he will also want to hear you out about your concerns and feelings, even the ones that might be hard for him to hear.
You are right. I should have
You are right. I should have never started to date him not knowing if I wanted my own kids and not being prepared to be a full time mother. This isn't going to work unfortunately. I can't disengage from a two year old who I will be living with whose mother abandoned her and I can't be a full time mother. There are just no options I can't be in this relationship. Thank you everyone.