Wrong wrong and wrong. These are not comparable situations whatsoever.

1. Adoptive parents are the child's parents. Adoptive parents are legally and financially responsible for the child. Step parents are not.

2. Stepkids don't necessarly want another parent in addition to the two they already have.

3.Stepkids view it as disloyal to their other bio parent if they are nice and bond with their step parent. There is a huge conflict of interest.

4. You and your spouse adopted the child together which is much like conceiving a child together. It is something you did together with your ex. Step parents were never part of this bonding. In fact it feels like they were left out of a huge part of your life because of it and are reminded of it daily.

5. Depending on the age of the adoption you had the time to bond and raise the child. Step parents also do not get to do this.

6. Adoptive parents get to make all of the parenting and other decisions for the child, something step parents do not get to do.

Understood?

Lol comparing apples to oranges. 

Sorry, but there's no comparison between adopted children and stepchildren.  One HUGE difference is that if you have a stepchild and your spouse dies or you divorce, you have NO rights - NONE - to the stepchild.   Quite different from an adoption, where both parents have legal rights to the child - and obligations, of course.

All of what is said above, plus adopting kids doesnt necessarily become a happy ending either, I’ve seen some adoption horror stories, especially adoption of damaged/abused kids.

I needed a laugh today. What a ludicrous production of 'proof' you have made.

‘She loves her child as her own one hundred percent’. 

Thats because her adopted daughter IS HER CHILD. She’s legally & morally responsible for her.

Unless your ex is going to wave his parenting rights, stop seeing his children & cease paying CS so your new partner can adopt them & have the full rights as a parent would, you’re grasping at some thin straws lady. Ridiculous comparison, but you keep trying! Lol

I agree that a biological connection is not a requirement for loving a child.  However, loving a Skid has all kinds of variables and influences that can derail the process of growing to love them.

Very few have ever said it isn't possible, but POSSIBILITY and PROBABILITY are two vastly different things.

Read above for why the comparison doesn't work. Then, go to adoption support group pages to find out how not every adoption ends up with the adoptive parents loving their kid despite choosing adoption, especially if they foster adopted kids with severe issues and went on to adopt or have additional children who are now in danger or can't be cared for as they want because of the older child. Or because the kid finds out they are adopted and don't listen to their adopted parents anymore because they aren't their "real" parents. Or adult adopted kids who cut out their adoptive family after finding their bio family, who sometimes have had time to mature and be loving parents now that they are older/out of the situation that led them to give up their child for adoption, etc. Ask those parents how it feels to put in 18+ years of the hard work only to be forgotten and written off when the bios came back.

THEN, if you search hard enough, you'll find BIO PARENTS who don't even love their own kids. Or, they love them, but deep down regret having them and being responsible for them.

If you want to up the odds that a SP will love their SK like their own, then YOU, as the PARENT, better make sure that you give the SP full authority to help raise that child while in your home so that they feel they can invest in the responsibility portion; not be a crazy spouse so that the SP thinks investing the emotional tome and energt won't be wasted and they won't end up devastated if their SK is ripped away from them; raise a kid who is lovable and respectful so that an SP realizes they aren't going to be doing all the responsible part of parenting alone; and not have a crazy ex or get into crazy drama with ex. If you, as a BP, can't ensure these very basic things, then you can't expect a SP to even WANT to try.

You're the parent. You have to be the one to make the package deal look like a good investment. It's not on the SP to make the risky investment just because they are presented with a package.

Someone else said it in your other post: If your kids really came first, you would have stayed with your ex. You can't expect someone else to have this great coparenting, family-oriented relationship with you when you couldn't manage to make it work with your kid's ACTUAL parent and family.

Lmao. They're not even remotely similar situations. If you believe the ideal doormat is out there for you somewhere, then by all means continue searching. 

That is all. Wishful thinking the two could be compared. 

did this adopted child come with a pshycho soul sucking BM who tries to control everything? I think not.

not even close to being comparable.

You can love a skid like your own when the conditions are right.

As a bioparent, you have authority. You play a major part to mold the child to be the best version of themselves, the child returns your Love, and there will always be a bond. (Normal circumstances)

As an adoptive parent, you CHOOSE to be a parent to a child, and you CHOOSE to love that child. As above, you shape the child to be the best version of themselves.

Sure, as a step it's POSSIBLE to have authority on a skid and help mold them... but you won't find many of those dynamics here.. here is steps who have no or little authority, are prevented from shaping the child in any way, are forced to tolerate crap behaviour and forced to give up some income to boot.

Sure, it's possible...if the circumstances are right. They're just not generally right around here so really you're barking up the wrong tree.

I think that a LOT depends on the situation. In my life, both as a step-mom of sorts to my SO's three children, and seeing my friends interact with their families over decades, I think that if a step-parent REPLACES the bio-parent (i.e., the step-dad replaces the father who left the family, or the step-mom replaces the wife who passed away from cancer), especially if they essentially replace that parent fairly EARLY in the kids' lives: THEN a great bond can form.

In those situations, the children may love their step-parent even more than their bio-parent, and visa versa. 

However, in a more typical modern scenario, where all parties are in the picture (where dad has them 40% of the time and mom and step-dad have the 60% and they split holidays, etc.), I think it's more complicated.

Op mentioned in a previous post that she doesn’t want a man that already have a kid from previous relationship.

What I do not understand is why doesn’t she apply this same subject principle to herself ? 

Usually if someone adopts a child they really really want that child because it's a lot of effort/money to be able to adopt. Most people end up with a stepchild because they were looking for a spouse and the person they fell in love with just happened to have a kid. That circumstance plus the lack of biological bonding that comes with a pregnancy and baby makes it alot rarer to love a stepkid. 

Your sister's adopted child IS her child, a decision shared by her and her husband to want to have this child. They raise her 100% as their own.

Stepparents didn't get to decide whether they wanted a child, how to raise the child, and are not the exclusive caretakers/decision makers.

When we say a stepkid is "not our own," we are not just talking about DNA. That's actually lower on the priority list than the behavior of the kid and bioparents and all the other undesired cooks in the kitchen.

I think it's possible, but not common.  At least for me, it's been very difficult to develop any feelings of affection for my partner's kids.  I'm flat out hapier when his daughter is not around.  I tolerate his son okay.

I do think we have a particularly difficult situation though.

This is not something that can be forced.

As stepkids. People choose their adopted kids and have a huge part in the selection and adoption process. Stepkids are not like that at all. So I firmly disagree.

I don't think there is one answer to anything when it involves human emotions. I think you can love a stepchild like you're own if you have biological children or not. I think grandparents can love a grandchild like their own. I think foster parents can love a child like their own. Adopted can love a child like their own. Teachers may love a child like its their own. Love isn't defined by biological relationship.

But the same as you can love a child like they are your own doesn't mean you HAVE to or something is wrong if you don't. A stepparent doesn't have to love a child like their own and they can want their own just the same. They aren't bad people as long as they don't harm the child or treat them badly. You can respect a stepchild and not love them. You can take care of them and not love them. You can care for them less than your child and still do right.

IMHO the more fully participatory in raising SKids that SParents are, the higher the probability of a close relationship between the SParent and the the SKid(s).  The most critical success factor in this is that the spouses at the core of the blended family have to be fully engaged as equity life partners and equity parents to any children in the home regardless of kid biology.  They must put each other and the marriage as the sole top priority.

In that environment kids can thrive and love between SKids and SParents can grow. Most importantly the couple can grow and thrive together.

Anything less... and the challenges, difficulties and risks of failure grow exponentially.

Definitely possible, but very uncommon. I love my step kids but I can definitely say it's not the same as when I have my own bio kids. I can already see that without even having them. Simple reason is that you realise living with your stepkids that no matter how well you treat them or how much you treat them as your own and provide them with everything, they will still choose their manipulative and abusive bioparent over you. This is true story, happening right now. Lol DH and I provided SD9 with an abuse/neglect free home (SD step father would punch holes in the wall. BM would neglect them), taught her to shower every night, brush her teeth and other basic hygiene, made sure she was lice free (2nd time with BM and she already has lice), made sure she did amazing in school (got As and Bs on her report card meanwhile with BM she failed everything), and she has now magically decided she wants to stay with BM who is still treating her like shit. We know most of that decision is based on manipulation from BM but it hurts to know that no matter what you do, you'll always be second best. And that's why you cant love a step kid the same as your bio kids.