Oh, yeah. He also gets her dressed in the morning.

+++++++++++++++++
:jawdrop:

UUUMMMM...you are kidding right? That is VERY, VERY strange!!! So are teh other reasons, but this takes the cake.

She is THIRTEEN and he is still dressing her??? Completely inappropriate. She is a teenager for crikeys sake. She isn't a baby anymore. You have a right to your privacy. And a couples bedroom is no place for children. I would put a stop to that immediately. In fact I have heard you shouldn't even have pictures of the kids in your bedroom. Your bedroom is just that..YOUR bedroom!

Something seriously gross and wrong is going on here. 13 year olds have boobs and periods. How is he even dressing her??? Like picking out outfits or actually taking clothes on and off of her? :jawdrop:

He shuts the door and watches while she dresses??? I dont care if she hasnt gotten her period or her boobs are all just fat that is not okay at all especially when you two cannot shut the door but he shuts the door with her. Honestly I am a victim of sexual abuse so I might be overreacting but this seems very very strange and odd. I dont trust this at all

O. M. G.

This is creepy and gross. Where is this girls's mother? Has she ever been in the picture? I have a 13 year old SD and if she and my DH acted like this I would probably be calling CPS MYSELF! BLEECCHH

The bad hygiene alone doesn't put up a red flag for abuse but the bad hygiene combined with all that you've posted screams SEXUAL ABUSE to me.

um and HOW exactly do you KNOW for sure 100% without a shadow of doubt that he's not a "perv" there are girls that have been abused for YEARS and their own mothers never had a clue and just thought dad was affectionate.

Im glad that your weirded out about it but im surprised your husband isnt. My SO doesnt get affectionate even with his nieces once they pass a certain age because thats weird. I mean him watching her dress very big problem but also the fact she thinks this is normal like climbing into bed with you I find odd and her rubbing his head and hair is odd its not normal behavior and why does your DH not feel more uncomfortable??

Put an end to this foolishness now, or she'll continue to rule the roost. Everything you mentioned is inappropriate. She needs to sleep in her own bed and when she doesn't he needs to step up and make her. You deserve your privacy. Have a long discussion w/DH and make him aware that a - your privacy (individual and as a couple) is important in strengthing your bond and b - that his daughter is more than capable of picking out her own clothes and dressing herself and he needs to encourage her to do that asap. If he continues to deny there's anything wrong with it, you may have to leave.

A few years ago (against my better judgement), I moved in w/DH and SD. She was 25 at that time. We had major issues about appropriateness. A few examples are SD used to walk around in a towel after getting out of the shower, on another occasion one night she was cooking dinner, and knocked on our closed bedroom door. DH opened it and she fed him a forkful so he could taste it . . like it was her first time cooking. I kicked him out of the bedroom.

On more than one occasion, he would get angry when I retreated to our bedroom and closed the door. He wanted me to keep it open so she'd have access to me like a 5 year old. I refused. I'm a grown woman and if I want to read, watch tv, drink wine, yak on the phone in private . .nobody is going to tell me I can't do it. Finally, I told him that his allegiance was to SD and not me and if I didn't see a change, I was leaving. He made a 360 change.

Stand your ground and don't allow her to force you out. You are his wife and you come first!

Good luck.

FSD does not sleep with FDH anymore but she sure marks her territory in our room...not only does she and her friends camp out in our room and use our bathroom, making a terrible mess of both and don't clean up, FSD marks her territory by leaving dirty underwear and clothes in the closet in the bathroom, on the bathroom floor and under the bed in our room. It is absolutely ridiculous. Mind you she has a room that has TV, DVD player, Wii and Wii fitboard, PSP, DSi, laptop, radio, lots of games and books....but Daaaaaaaadddyyyyyyy's room is where you find her. Being in the adult's bedroom is the SK showing her complete dominance in the house and over her father...I truly believe this.

Even if it isn't HIM that is doing the abusing (could be the BMs boy toy), it IS a possibility that this is happening to the girl.

Either way, I would make sure that daddykins KNOWS how it could APPEAR to other people!

I almost threw up. GROSS GROSS GROSS!! you need to print out all these responses and let dh read them. Dh and I have 2 daughters together- 5 and 1. Every now and then our 5yo wants to sleep with daddy, but she is 5! And even at 5, she wants her privacy and doesn't like to change in front of daddy all the time. Sd is old enough to know better. By dh allowing this behavior to continue he is helping her develop an unnatural and twisted mentality when it comes to relationships. All he is doing is hurting her in the long run. I know you say dh isn't doing anything wrong but he is. He is allowing her to behave this way. If he did not know better then when you called him out on her behavior he would've put a stop to it. But he hasn't. There is something there and some other reason besides guilt that he is letting this go on. Talk to him and if be doesn't change then all 3 of you need counseling. Not because YOU need it, but because dh and sd need to hear from a professional that their relationship is not normal.

This is creepy beyond belief. My DH has NEVER bathed his daughter. NEVER. He always asked me to do it when she was younger. Now she's 10 and bathes herself. There is something VERY wrong here and I would find out what it is immediately. This reeks of some type of incest or molestation. I'm sorry, I know you must be thrown by all these comments but you yourself are having a sinking feeling about what this is, which means, you already know.

Your DH has NO business being with his 13 year old daughter while she's undressed or changing. He has NO business laying down with her, be it in your bed, on the couch, or anywhere else. The privacy issue is HIS fault & HIS to fix. It's HIS behavior that needs to change & when it does, hers will be forced to change.

I was babysitting small babies at 12 years old. I was changing diapers, fixing & feeding bottles on schedule. I was bathing them. At 13 years old, his daughter is PERFECTLY CAPABLE of bathing herself & dressing herself. HER behavior = spoiled child. HIS behavior = abuse.

I'm stunned that your complaint is YOUR lack of privacy. What about hers???

Thats fine that you think that but she cant just get pregnant on her own ya know your DH got her pregnant and lived with her for 10 years which is a long time. You make it seem like he is a victim. These are his choices for his life and I dont think you want to come to terms with that. His daughter has probably learned some bad behavior but if she climbed into bed naked with him would he tell her no get out of here?? Or be afraid to stand up to her as you say?? I mean your blaming everything on someone else besides your DH. This is his daughter he sees nothing wrong so technically he doesnt want to fix this problem because there is no problem. Really think about it hard regardless of the abuse if you had a daughter with him would you feel comfortable he dressed her at 13? Now a days girls are getting pregnant at that age and this girl doesnt want to dress herself?? Wake up call you need one so go get one. I hate being mean to you but I was abused and all the signs were there but my mom made excuses like everybody else.

Yes, she is perfectly capable of dressing herself....she chooses not to and daddy does it for her!++++++++++++++++++++++++++

UGH! Really? How do you know this? It seems like your DH has a choice in dressing her and HE chooses to. She is 13, I am sure she would dress herself if she had too.

I can tell you right now, I think you will lose the fight about her stroking his hair. I don’t see that as a big issue either. Neither do I see anything wrong with co sleeping at an appropriate age, and watching TV in bed with your kids. IF YOU ARE NOT REMARRIED. I could NEVER see SS doing this, I would freak. Lol
You need to make this fight about it being YOUR and DH’s room, not SD’s. And how she is NOT allowed in there at all.
I would not bring up the hair stroking. I would bring up the clothes issue. I know you disagree, but that is weird, weird, weird. Good luck.

If this is real I think you are in serious denial. I don't know if I can believe that any man that isn't pervy would lay in bed with their 13 year old daughter and let her run her hands through his hair, and help her get dressed everyday, with her bedroom door shut. Any man I know would not want to be anywhere near their naked teenage daughter. Reading back on your past posts make me think something is strange here. You posted that he will not have sex while she's there either (which is 5 days a week!).

I don't understand why they close the door when they're in her room together. If the idea is privacy, should he not be on the outside of the door if it's closed???

I don't see an issue with the stroking of his hair. SD10 sits on her dads lap and strokes his hair. He has beautiful hair and it is all grey so she likes to play with it. At first it used to bug me, but I've actually grown quite used to their relationship. They hardly see each other so when she's at our home I kinda let her have her time with her Dad. But the dressing her? The closing the door when she getting dressed while he's in there? Climbing into bed with him? THAT is wrong on every possible level.

ok...my boyfriend has a daughter that is 12 going on 24. I have always thought that their relationship was a little close but I have to say this one makes me see theirs is not that bad. I see where your DH has some guilt issues big time! He don't want his daughter to feel that he has/is deserting her by picking sides with you, or kicking her out of the bedroom. Actually I don't see a problem with kids laying in your bed watching TV for a little while at night. But I see the other side to that too. If you have a problem with it then your DH should respect your wishes. I know you say you don't think your DH is doing anything abusive and you know we can't say that he is. But just keep an open mind to this might be a possiblity. You need to make your DH understand that by making her be more independent is NOT saying he don't love her or that he is against her. It just drives me crazy that these BD think that if they discipline or teach independence that means they don't love them!! Give me a freaking break!! My BF is going to send his daughter out into the world when she goes to college either not knowing how to do a single thing for herself or he will be taking care of her forever, which is what I expect to happen!! Why do they think teaching independence says "i don't love you" or "i chose someone else over you"!! This is where my BF and I so disagree, I believe it is your responsibility to teach your kids how to live without you, because they will or should spend the majority of their life without you and he thinks it's your responsibility to take care of them FOREVER!!

Let me add, the daughter does not sleep with us, just sometimes and not that often she will come lay in bed with us and talk or watch TV. But when it's time to go to sleep she goes to her room.

Creepy.

Well, since words seem to fail to register with him, I would set up shop in a guest room one day while everyone is out. Move all my stuff in there and commence to sleeping in the guest room, very pointedly having my door closed at night. Tell DH he can visit me for conjugal visits like kings and queens of old. If he gets the message, great. If he thinks this is a swell idea and it was real sweet of me to think of him and the kiddo like that i would re-evalute my marriage pronto.