I should probably start with saying that I am not a step-parent…yet. But I do have a 3 year old son of my own. My boyfriend and I are actually planning a wedding and all of that good stuff, but I have a few concerns. Let me be clear in saying that there is not a single thing wrong with him, or the relationship we have together. He is amazing, and by far the best quality man I have ever met in my life.

The Problem: He has a 2 and a half year old daughter…by a malicious, vindictive psycho.

A little background… The BM was friends with a girl that grew up down the street from me my whole life. I never wanted to be friends with her because drama surrounded her. Well, one day we ended up working together. Me, her, and my boyfriend. Long story short, my boyfriend and I started dating and she went bananas. They had dated several years ago and had a child together, and when he and I started dating, she had already been through several other suitors (and yes, I know this for a fact).

Throughout the next several months she tries to get in my face, ruin my job, spreads terrible rumors about me, publically slanders me and my son on social networks, acted like a Jerry Springer reject in front of all of our co-workers, and all sorts of things. I could honestly go on and on. I was very passive (which is not like me), to all of this because my boyfriend and her were going through legalities of custody of their daughter, and I did not want to taint and judgment on his part. They ended with a parenting plan.

Well I decided to talk to my attorney about everything she had been doing. So, I already know about documenting EVERYTHING and keeping my mouth shut, and so does my boyfriend. When they actually go to court, she will be eating it, trust me.

She has calmed down lately. However, my concern does not lie in issues between her and myself. My problem is with her manipulation of their daughter. She has already taught her to say things such as “(my name) is fat.” I have also heard her say she cannot wait to tell their daughter how big of a slut I am and how I am the reason her and her father are not together. I am none of those things. She has NO problem manipulating her own daughter to get to me. I don’t understand.

This causes a few problems between my boyfriend and I, because I am worried about the relationship we (his daughter and I) will have when she gets older. It is not just the BM, it is her whole family. She lives with both of her divorced parents, her almost 30 year old brother, and his girlfriend. All in the same house, providing plenty of negative influence. I do not want these issues to cause problems between his daughter and I, in turn causing problems between us, and potentially harming our “family”.

She dates many different guys, bringing all of them around their daughter. The guys end up breaking up with her because within a month because she starts trying to pressure them into getting married so they can live together. The guys have confessed, haha. She sees no need in continuing her education or furthering her life because she plans on landing a man to take care of her. She will tell my boyfriend that this new boyfriend is going to be their daughter’s new step-father, so he needs to get over it. It sounds like an episode of Maury Povich. I know. Its embarrassing.

My boyfriend is a college graduate and is starting his career. I am about to graduate college and have a promising career lined up ahead of me. We are working on getting our “ducks in a row”, and I have no doubt that we could live a wonderful life together. But I am still concerned about this one thing.

I want to be close with his daughter, but her mother will not let that happen. She is always going to do everything in her power to drive a wedge between us. I know kids make decisions based upon what they experience, but at the same time, she is still her BM. And being one myself, I will NEVER underestimate the power of teenage girl tantrums or cycles.

My boyfriend assures me that it will not be as bad as I anticipate, but I cannot help but worry.

Has anyone else ever experience anything like this? Does anyone have any advice on how to best handle this situation with his daughter?

I am just trying to feel it out the best way possible, before I commit my life to this.