Yes I have pics of the Skid on my phone. No, I dont think there is anything wrong with you not having pics of your Skid's on your phone.

Your friend is not the sharpest tool in the shed is she?

It's ok to have pics on your phone. It is also ok NOT to have pics on your phone. In my view, step parents are unsung heroes not the villains of the piece. We put up with other people's never ending bullshit, endure other people's children (who in my case one of which has woefully inadequate personal hygiene, not ideal especially as I have a nose like a bloodhound/sniffer dog).

It's bloody never ending and people like your 'friend' will simply never understand.

Yes, I do have pictures of SDs on my phone, but more for my husband's benefit. Just some nice candid pictures of DH and his kids that I'm sure he'll appreciate one day.

I showed him some the other day from when SD was 2 (now almost 9) we had gone apple picking and I had some nice ones of SD and DH. He hadn't taken any pictures that day and was happy I had them.

No

But hey I am pretty sure BM doesn't have our kids on her phone either. Since they are 1/2siblings to her kids. She is rotten too I guess.

Did your friend ever hear the story of the birds and the bees? IF yes, then she would know you did not give birth to another women's kids.

It's no different then in years past when someone you're having lunch with that is a social friend asked about wallet photos. Doesn't anyone (am I that old!?) when moms and grandmothers ran around with little bragbooks in their purse. My kids? Sure. And pulls out a gazillion photos of ___________ (usually having to sort through a million little wallet photos of her all her friends kids).

Today's phone are the yesterday wallet photos.

The only thing really out of line was the "why not?'.... no one's business 'why not' and shouldn't ask.

No. I would have said "BM is their mother and she does not like people looking at her children." Let her think about that one for a while.

I have a picture of SS with my BS as my background.

She's probably one of those BMs that will get offended if the SM doesn't have photos of the skids on her phone, yet still be offended that the SM is overstepping if she does have photos. A SM will never win no matter what she does.

I do not even acknowledge their existence in any way, shape or form; but they stopped acknowledging my existence--- long before I did, or before I figured out how meaningless I was to them. I finally accepted I was wasting my time trying to make them part of my life.

No, do not put anything in your life, unless it is worthy of being there--that includes pictures on your phone.

A picture is worth a thousand words is right. Small incident, but in so many ways it so clearly shows the SM double standard and why SM can never win. We all know how many BMs here would be infuriated to the max. if they found out you had pictures of THEIR children on YOUR phone. How dare you act like THEIR mother, and so on. Interestingly, I even found adult SKs that act similarly, such as berate SM for interfering and at the same time act like SM should have been more like a mom and been there for them. In all cases, in their minds it justifies treating SM like a lesser being or even hating her.

I gave up. Now, I have what I would call a cordial relationship with adult SKs. DH would actually like for me to go on all visits, but If I feel like it (which is most of the time), I go with DH to visit his SKs or go out with them. They are both married. No SGkids yet, but I’m already thinking same rules will apply. If BM is going to be around anywhere, DH gets to decide if he wants to go alone or not. Even though Skids are well into adulthood, they still cowtow to her, and even DH still stands at attention whenever she is around. Not very attractive, believe me, and I want nothing to do with it. No baby showers, etc. for me. Fine.

So, it is what it is at this point. I refer to SKs now as DH’s son and daughter. Yes, even considering I still care deeply for them, but I am no longer fooled. When you become a SM you have entered an archaic, backward, sexist world where you mysteriously and suddenly fall to the bottom of everyone’s priority list, and I do mean everyone’s, including the judicial, religious and counseling communities. You need to do what works best for you because no one else will have your best interests at heart, sometimes not even your own DH.

Why should I? They're not MY children.

Picture of my SD in my phone? No.

I have pictures of furniture that I've built and paintings that I've painted, ya know, things that I'm proud of.

The only pics I have of my SS's are the ones that my BS is also in. And that typically only involves YSS because they are close.
I had one pic of OSS that I copied off of a FB post. I only did it to print off and give to DH because he was boohooing around that he didn't have any senior pics of OSS. Seems we paid for 1/2 but they were never actually taken. Go figure.
I had the picture for a few weeks when OSS did some real douche move so I deleted it.

DH got copies of school pictures for MSS and OSS two weeks ago. They are still in the envelope sitting on the table. I have no desire to display them. If DH wants them framed and displayed, he is more than capable of making that happen. If not, no skin off my nose.

Goodluck nailed it.

And, no, I don’t have pictures of skid on my phone. Sometimes my MIL will send me one or three horrible quality pics she took of skid and our toddlers, but I don’t keep them on my phone long. I’ll put it on the iPad mini, though, so my 2 and 4 year olds can view them.

Sadly, skid is a horrible reminder of BM’s existence, just by her looks and mannerisms.

And this friend said you were “an awful SM”? Is she still your friend? Because I doubt she’d still be mine after I explained the whole if you haven’t walked a day in my shoes, don’t judge bit.

Nope, never...... not even when she was way way younger and we went on holidays,

I made sure i took pictures of Deigma on holidays but I always did it in such a way that's she's not in the picture, ...

sorry not my child, if DH wanted pictures of his little girl playing in the waves on the beach, he has a phone he can take pictures...
Early teens I did not see the need of it, she took enough selfies to last her a life time...

I had no problem taking pictures of her if she handed me her phone and asked me to...

I am a photo shutterbug, so I take photos all the time. I have photos of all of our family. However, that is me. I love photos. There is nothing wrong with you not having photos of SKID.

The bonds of parenting a SKID is NOT the same as your own. I have two children. One BIO and one adopted overseas. I have four SKIDS. I love my son and daughter with unconditional love. There is nothing I would not do for either one of them. I have one SKID, I feel the same way about. The other three SKIDS...well those are my husband's children. I do not consider them mine.

No one understands the intricacies of a blended family and no one understands the personal jubilations and heartbreaks a Step Parent experiences. Photos or no photos your choice! God Speed.

I sure don't! None in the house either. I like it like this.

I have some, yes....and although it's my phone, I generally say I don't when busybodies ask, then say it's my work phone, so I'm not supposed to have anything personal on it. Shuts them up.