OT - waiting for the proposal
Forums:
Has anyone had a situation where their BF didn't want to ask you to marry him until the kid adjusted? I'm sure that's what's going on with my BF but how can SD9 adjust to something that isn't there to adjust to??? Plus it drives me crazy that he married the Wildabeast but is scared to marry me, someone who's 1000% better than her. Why am I getting the shaft? I'm about ready to tell him that it's time to piss or get off the pot or he needs to tell me if he doesn't want to get married or if I'm not the one for him so that I can move on. Am I being unreasonable? We've been together almost 3 years and lived together for 2. I'm tired of waiting...
Sigh... I think about the
Sigh... I think about the same thing too at times. I think it is mostly about not wanting to go down the same path twice or make the same mistakes(not saying you're a mistake)
I think that's what he's
I think that's what he's afraid of but he knew going into this that that was what I wanted and he always has said that he does too. My god - my eggs are dropping like flies! He'd better get his shit together and soon!
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
If you want children of your
If you want children of your own, please do NOT wait until it is convenient for his daughter. You will regret it. DH and I waited until the divorce was final so we can be married before trying. It took three long years for Wingnut to run out of money and stop fighting it. I have next to no eggs. Had to do IVF. I was successful, only to have my infant son pass away. My dreams have been totally shattered and I feel like I am stuck with a kid I don't like. Please do what you need to do to be happy and fulfill your dreams.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
I'm so sorry to hear that. I
I'm so sorry to hear that. I can't imagine what you've been going through.
It's not my choice to wait until SD "adjusts" and I don't know if it's his either but that's where my pessimistic mind goes. If that is the case, we will have a knock down drag out fight about it.
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
Thank you. Fight for what
Thank you. Fight for what you want though. It can't be about SD8. DH married me exactly 2 days after he was legally able, we did IVF 4 weeks later and we still got the short end of the stick. The worst part is, I read all the posts on here about all these effed up BMs and how they neglect and use their children and I can't believe they get experience motherhood....
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
I have been with my fiancee
I have been with my fiancee for 3 years almost 4 and Iam too waiting for him to aske the big question I already got him to buy me a ring and now he finally decided that next year on his vacation time from work we will finally get married. I know how you feel thats what i think all the time why did he married her and not me yet? I think you should sit down and ask him if he is serious about you and set a date after all you have been with him all this time at least he should respect you that way. I think you have more respect as his wife rather than his gf or fiancee good luck
I would agree with what
I would agree with what Mustang says if there were not a child involved. I think it shows good judgement that he's hesitant b/c of how his child might react or b/c of a failed first marriage. You should definately talk about it with him though. Have you specifically talked with him about the things you mention in your post?
After reading things on this forum it seems to me that caution is very justified. Wasn't there a thread recently where many people mentioned that they would not marry their DH again if they knew just what they were getting into step-parent-wise?
I have talked to him about
I have talked to him about how it makes me feel that he married her but is hesitating with me. He says that he's worried about his judgement b/c of who he married last time but what does that say about me? I think he's absolutely terrified but where do you get if you don't take a risk? I have not talked to him about my wondering if he's waiting for SD to adjust... I just think that because when I first moved in 2 years ago and wanted to get a cat he asked me to wait for her to adjust. A lot of things have changed since then so I don't know if that's what he's thinking or not.
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
personally I think he's
personally I think he's using his daughter's adjustment period as an excuse. It's been two years of you living there. SD is as adjusted as she's going to be. It's more to do with him not being ready.
I would talked to him in a way that isn't going to pressure him...ie..."you know I love you dear and you love me but it seems we may want different things out of our relationship. I want marriage and children of my own and you want something else...." If he's on board the marriage boat but not quite ready then revisit the subject in x amount of time you feel is appropriate. Keep an optimistic attitude until then.
If the proposal doesn't come then you need to think about what's important to you and only you. Rather than give him an ultimatum give yourself one. If he hasn't proposed in x amount of time then its time to back up and leave.
Took 5 years here... DH just
Took 5 years here... DH just "wasnt ready" to marry again. He did propose, but then he waited 4 1/2 more years before he decided we were gonna make it. We just married in August. Well worth the wait though!
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
We've been dating for 6
We've been dating for 6 years now, living together for about 2 years...still waiting for the ring. I know that he is so disillusioned about marriage because his 1st marriage ended in divorce after 10 years (and 7 yrs of dating beforehand). I will definitely agree with you that it is soooo incredibly frustrating for me because (not to sound cocky or anything) I am 1000% of an improvement over his ex in every way imaginable. I don't get it. I know he loves me and he knows that I want to get married (I've never been married before, no kids), but now that I'm pushing 40, I find myself annoyed that he's kept me "waiting" so long...and I don't even know whether or not I definitely want kids of my own. What scares me even more is when I read posts from others on ST that did marry their guy with an ex/BM from hell, skids, etc...and now they are unhappy. But reading what DISbelief wrote above, it makes me happy that in many cases, it's worth the wait. My advice to you: go with your "gut" feeling and don't ignore what the "little voice" inside you tells you, make sure that you are putting YOUR goals & wants & needs at the TOP of the list (not just "shoved aside" because of others' lives/needs). There is probably nothing worse than looking back and saying to yourself "there were signs that I should've seen & paid attention to, but didn't". Tread carefully as you move forward if you choose to do so with your BF & SD - and stand up for what you believe!!
Its the fear and the loss.
Its the fear and the loss. loss as a man and as a husband and as a father that really traumatizes many men that they really dont want to marry the following time. Its really hard for them. BUt if you want children and you feel the time allocated is too long then go with your dreams of having kids with anotehr man. I'm with soverysad on this one. dont wait till its too late and you will resent it.
Stepchicka said it perfectly, we love one another but you are on a diff page etc..etc...see what happens andif he say to keep waiting...sorry, i would leave. There is nothing wrong in leaving someone you love if they are not onteh same pathway as you are. Life is too short.
After two years of actually
After two years of actually living together that seems enough time to ask for an engagement...
Don't just wait around.