O/T How many of you out there deal daily with a toxic person in your lives?
How many of you out there deal daily with a toxic person in your lives? I'm just wondering how common it is? I have dealt with a BM and SKs who seemed to have have many narcistic or other persobnality disorder traits and I also work closely with someone that fits almost all of the "narcisstic mother traits" someone posted earlier this month to a T. It is so draining to deal with these people! And to add insult to injury it seems that these types of people are masters in covering up their "real personality" to outsiders that do not know them wel or those that thye want to implress so that you can never really fight back fairly. For example my coworker has repeatedly badmouthed me whenever there is some promotion that she thinks that I might be considered for even if she doesn't apply for it because of course she doesn't want me getting ahead of her. I can't prove she does this even when she admits to my face that she has because she has everyone else around her snowed!
I then have to make nice with her or I will be labeled by her behind my back as "difficult".....what the heck? You can never confront her sbout anything because she always denies that she ever does anything to you - as though by her telling you that - you will begin to believe her. She will refuse to talk about the ugly things that she says or does to you saying that she doesn't want to argue..... She later seems to try to make amends by bringing me a token gift! I think that after all of this time trying to overlook her slights and backstabbing that I will finally have to agree with my husband - there really is no healthy relationship that you can have with someone like her - she is truly not a good friend and I should simply cut her out of my life as much as possible.
I don't suppose she will really be missed as she only talks about herself and all of her own problems anyway. Even if I have a msjor problem that I would like to talk about she always manages to steer the conversation back to herself!
I was just wondering if I am just that unlucky to have been exposed to so many narcistic type individuals or are there possibly quite a few out there??????
Your not alone. I'm sure to
Your not alone. I'm sure to be soon labeled "the difficult kind" by my DH's family (mostly by his sister) soon enough, as they are toxic people, and I have chosen to disengage from them. ~ " I'm awful sorry you got pissed, just have to cross you off the list, of my true friends." PHISH~
Hi Longtime SM...I believe
Hi Longtime SM...I believe there are quite a few people with personality disorders and I believe the numbers are increasing. It's not just your imagination!!
I have been doing some reading on this subject, and it does look like these disorders are on the rise. The factors are numerous.
All I can suggest is read, read, read. That's what helped me.
And as far as your co-worker and the others in your life that you are dealing with.... you are right. There's NOTHING you can do to change them. They are who they are, unfortunately!
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
I think you and I work with
I think you and I work with the same psycho. My ex co-worker was just exactly as you describe. She waged a 6 month campaign to discredit me and badmouth me to all our other co-workers and make herself look like an angel. She would snarl and take cheap shots at me when we were alone, but would be all friendship and light when anyone else was watching. She even baked cookies and cakes and brought them to work to hand out to other colleagues. She was so good at it that people were looking at me wondering why I wasn't being friendly to her and branded ME difficult. After six months of battle I took a transfer. I loved my job, but it was never going to be the same again, so I bailed. The only thing that honestly kept me sane was the monthly clinical supervision (workplace counselling) that I get through my job. She ground me right down and destroyed my confidence. My transfer turned out to be a really good move and now she's pissed, lol! I'm getting my confidence back and all my long term stress symptoms are getting better slowly.
My advice is to remove yourself from the situation as much as you can. Don't interact with her and don't bite when she's winding you up. Remind yourself her behavior is based on jealousy and insecurity. Then sit back and trust, like I have, that given enough rope she will eventually hang herself and others will see what she is really made of.
I don't now but have had in
I don't now but have had in the past, worked with people like this. One woman was so bad that I would only speak to her if there was a witness there to hear, because if I spoke to her alone she was very ugly to me, and she wouldn't do that if any one could hear her!
Btw, she was my boss's mother, so it was very awkward! but I eventually waited her out and she left.
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Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.
William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2Starting a few years ago,
Starting a few years ago, the issue of personality disorders really started to seem pervasive to me. I had a narcissistic boss, ex husband and volunteer committee members who were bullies, a sister who has paranoid personality disorder, and then married into a family ruled by a narcissistic bully who may be BPD (SIL). Then my other sister went wackadoo.
In all these cases, the only thing that helped was to disengage and then remove myself from the situation. Here is something I wrote last year, called Personality Disorders, Coming Soon to a Relationship Near You
http://elisabettaonlife.blogspot.com/2008/12/personality-disorders-comin...
I used to deal with it
I used to deal with it daily... and my DH and i discussed it almost daily. But now, i refuse to give BM that space in my mind or marriage or life.
It has become some much easier for me - to know just say, "whatever" when it comes it her... and keep it moving.
********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************
There's a book called
There's a book called "People Of The Lie" I forget the author's name,but it can easily be found at any Barnes & Noble,that asserts one in every four people suffer from some form of sococphatic disorder.People thus afflicted all employ the same tools :A talent for lying,deception,self delusion (They convince themselves of their own lies)and a sick need to dominate every social situation.To oppose these people on their terms means you would surely lose,your best bet is to set clear boundaries and avoid them at all cost!
Thanks so much for your help
Thanks so much for your help - I plan to order the book!
I came up against someone
I came up against someone like this who was dating my then flatmate. She's told people that I've verbally threatened her, stolen stuff etc & for some reason people believe her. It's got to the point where I dont' get invited to social events anymore because people have believed her lies & to be perfectly honest I'm at the stage where i don't care.
My true friends have never believed all her cr@p and although it was hurtful at the time I truly believe that what goes around comes around - without me in the picture anymore I've heard whispers that she's started saying similar things about other people, so she'll get caught out soon.