Well...we're back. I certainly did leave DH after what some of you know went on. It was no running off into the night, he knew and we made arrangements for him to see our boys when he wanted. It was horrible. It still kinda is but DH came and got us back eventually. Now there is no communication with BM other than emergency phone calls and through a shared email account of ours. Nothing feels the same with him though. I hope that changes but honestly don't see how. He still maintains that BM was just just being a crazy B.

DH was in fact awarded primary custody during the school year. BM chased him out of the courtroom and told him she was going to cut his head off.

BM appealed the decision so DH is back in court soon. He got a lawyer. She met with the school faculty who all agreed SD had made major improvement living w him last quarter so I don't see it being over turned since the GAL subpoenaed the principal to testify. Oddly enough I received my own subpoena from BM's lawyer. It's either 1. To keep me out of the courtroom since witnesses wait outside 2. To talk about some of the snarky Facebook messages we've exchanged or 3. To talk about what I found on DH's phone from BM which I guess I'd be fine with too. If it is in fact as bad as it looked, at least I'd finally have the truth if she provides any proof and if she doesn't, maybe that would help me get over whatever was going on which was bad enough as is. I don't know. There are still things to work through. Always will be. But for now things are quiet under the watchful eye of the court.

BM says this custody thing is all my fault...not the fact she has a diaper fetish, has been essentially homeless for two years or brings convicted felons around SD and saves pictures of random boyfriends ejaculating to the tablet she shares with SD7 who saw all of them...

On the flip side, I started working again and am enrolling in school this fall to finish up my degree. At least that is enough to focus on outside of being a mommy to ds2 and ds7 months. With all his faults, DH is a good dad. I just wish it still didn't feel so empty and pointless between us. We were back in therapy but he decided to take SD to the same therapist which of course BM had to be involved in and so I told them all to basically shove it and that I was not continuing therapy that felt like a love triangle any more. It was then court ordered for DH and BM to continue so we're stuck until this court shit is over.

I missed you guys. Even the grumpy kinda mean ones thank you always for your support and constructive criticism.

Kinda just feel in my own world with our boys. Going back to seeing SD only on weekends during the summer has had a weird effect. After DH got custody, her being here full time was a lot but we kinda just hit a good rhythm. Now with her hardly here, I'm in such a better mood not having to think or deal with any of them, DH still included for now. It's a weird back and forth for your brain to process

In any case. It's been a humbling and painful batch of months. Hoping against hope for our children's sake that we can find our way and continue to heal.