Not quite teenage, but definitely not a little boy
So, here's my situation. SS11 primarily lives with BM (who is actually tolerable and nice), she has a fiancee and SS is familiar with step-parents and their role (so I thought). He isn't outwardly disrespectful but he doesn't listen to me ever. DH doesn't parent. There is no structure. Sometimes bedtime is 10, sometimes 12, never regular. On top of that, he LIVES for video games. If I want to put cartoons on for my DD1yr, he skips on over to the computer. He has gone so far as to manipulate all of us to let him play video games. No one else seems to see it, which makes me think I'm being paranoid. I had to discipline him for not listening one night, and took away his video game privileges for the following day. He tried to say he was going home to his mom's (who was aware of punishment and was going to enforce there as well). As soon as he found out, he changed his tune about going home pretty quickly.
A few weeks ago, we had an issue where he left a suicide note on his teacher's desk. We all (DH, BM, SF and self) sat him down to talk to him about this. DH (who has lost 2 close relatives to suicide) broke down and explained himself to SS, who just sat there. It didn't even seem like he felt anything at all. Now, everyone is coddling him and I feel like it's a manipulation ploy to get everyone to feel bad for him. He has been here every weekend for the past 3 weeks and I'm convinced it's because DH doesn't regulate his game time, unlike at his BM's house where they have a video game timer. He knows he can just sit on his ass and do nothing, since he has ZERO responsibility here. He's been here since last night and played for 2 hours last night (got here at 9:30PM), and from about 6:30AM - 7PM with several forced breaks by me.
I don't feel like I should always have to be the bad guy and take away his games, and make him miserable while he is here. But I can't sit around and watch him do sweet f-all. DH is definitely responsible for this, and won't own up to it.
I honestly can't stand it, I find him lazy, unmotivated and irritating. I thought when I had my own child I would feel differently, but I don't. In fact, I think it's worse. I don't want my daughter to be like this.
RANT over. Sorry for the length and probable fractured thoughts.
It's absolutely infuriating,
It's absolutely infuriating, DH gets super defensive when I even mention that his parenting skills could use some work (and I say them in MUCH nicer ways than that). That's his precious boy! His kid is a lazy, pudgy, unmotivated and ungrateful boy. For instance, my mother bought him a DC sweater for Xmas (not cheap!) and he LEFT it at her place. She has no relation to him in any way, but she went out of her way to buy him something, and he could care less. He needs to read a book, or go for a walk, or something. But he sits on his ass. I need to have a chat with BM about what exactly their rules are, I'm tired of having to constantly be complaining to DH or harping on SS.
DH is not great. He sleeps in whenever SS is over. For instance, I puppysit for my mom on weekdays since she and my SF are at work and I'm on mat leave. I left at 11, came back at 1:30 and DH was still in bed. SS just gaming away on the XBOX. They've gone for a swim and to play some b-ball at the YMCA tonight (thankfully) and I'm just glad to have my TV to myself for once. It's also frustrating because I'm nursing my little one still and I can't do it in the same room as SS. The last time I did, he stared at my breast which made me very uncomfortable, so I'm now confined to my bedroom when I need to feed her. Ugh, I just feel like the devil, pointing out all of this kid's downfalls, but at the same time, it feels great to talk about them to someone who won't judge me nine ways to sunday.
Well there was one success
Well there was one success story above. Sounds like your only hope is the BM. Have you enlisted her help asking that she read the riot act to your husband? If all else fails I'd disengage. Check out the link below:
http://steptogether.org/help.html
He is 11. My 11 year old
He is 11. My 11 year old loves the computer and loves video games. It is normal and age appropriate. I do however limit time, you all should go the timer route and limit his time...but then be prepared to entertain him or find him bored/restless. Does he have other things to do or play with at your home?
I get that at 11 he just
I get that at 11 he just wants to play video games. My issue is that's ALL he does. He doesn't read, won't go outside (because it's cold), TV is boring, he doesn't like to draw, nothing I have suggested or tried with him he enjoys. When he talks, all he talks about is video game and what he and so and so did with grenades in CoD or what kind of world he built in Minecraft. DH is no use. He slept in until 1:30PM today while I took care of his son and my DD. I started enforcing a 2 hour time limit today (which is what his BM's household does). When I informed him that his 2 hours were up, he got pouty and mouthy, trying to talk/manipulate/plead his way out of this time limit. DH told me I do nothing positive for him and just want to punish him, which really ticked me off. I spent all morning/early afternoon entertaining, feeding and chatting with him, while he slept in. I'm at the point of disengaging. His father won't set or stick to any rules or structure with his son, and can't see that his kid is manipulating him. Just sick and tired.
I would suggest to DH that he
I would suggest to DH that he help him find an extra-curricular activity like scouts or a sport. He needs alternatives and Dad needs to be the one to engage.
I'm dealing with the same
I'm dealing with the same thing my SS is 11 as we'll and always playing the games except the BM enforces it he even got a rated M game and headset for Xmas from her. My husband is strict on the kids but I am more... He's between.
Anyway the last six months my SS has gotten a mouth I though it was just toward me but I noticed it to his mom... Since she has been buying and he is focused on me, it annoying...
I just learned the SS and Bio talk crap behind my back. My husband isn't doing anything.... Instead of talking to him about it he has been giving him extra attention.