Is this normal?
New to Steptalk, been lurking awhile. I had a situation come up this weekend, and wondered what everyone else's opinion would be about it.
I do not live with my boyfriend, he has 3 younger children, I have 2 adult children. We have lately been spending more and more time sleeping over at each others houses. He has his children EOWE, and this was his weekend. He asked if I would spend the weekend with him and the kids this weekend and I agreed. We have been dating for 2 years, and the kids know me well.
Anyway the situation was he went to take his oldest to soccer and left the 2 younger kids with me. He didn't ask me to watch them, they just said they wanted to stay, and he never thought to ask me. The minute the kids walked through the door of the apartment they trashed the place. So I was left with the 2 little ones, and we watched a movie while my BF and the oldest was at soccer. When my BF came back he was very irritated, and started tidying up the mess his kids made. He was slamming things around and acting all huffy. I asked him what was wrong and he said, that since he was doing the running around with the oldest the least I could have done was clean up while he was gone.
I am not the mother of these children, it is not my apartment, and I didn't make the mess. I basically told him as much, and haven't really talked to him since. Am I over-reacting in being upset that he thinks I should be a maid to him and his children on my weekend off work?
It seems to be pretty common
It seems to be pretty common among a lot of these biodads, using the new GF or wife as a free babysitter.
But that doesn't make it right. I'd make it crystal clear to him that HIS kids are HIS responsibility. You don't even live together and he's pawning them off on you? That's not right! Waht would he do if you weren't around? And then he has the nerve to be pissy that you didn't clean up after them? Wow....
I'd be reevaluating this relationship after this little stunt. Especially since he didn't even bother to ASK, he just ASSUMED.
No way. I was in a relationship like that once. Never again.
Oh screw that! You are not
Oh screw that! You are not over-reacting!! Just make sure you make it clear at this stage that you are not responsible for his kids' mess. If you accept the guilt and his "huffing" that you should have done more, it only gets worse! Next thing you know, you are responsible for their attitudes, their missing homework, their lying...everything. You are not the maid.
After 5 yrs of guilt, I have learned to not let DH even get close to crossing that line of assuming I will take care of his child from his former relationship. I don't have a child to inflict on him and he shouldn't expect me to take on a full time mom role for a BM who isn't even in this kid's life. I go so far as to tell DH that I'm not a free babysitter and I won't pick up SD from after-school care. That's his job. Yep I'm extreme but it's the only way I could even still be in this marriage. Otherwise, I would have been full of so much resentment, we would never survive a relationship.
Don't let them take advantage of you!!
Don't be a Patsy You did
Don't be a Patsy
You did nothing wrong! I wouldn't even give him the time of day worrying about it. Ghost and Frustr8d are right on!
Who would have watched over
Who would have watched over the younger kids if you hadn't been there?
Your BF is a turd. You did not over react at all.
You did the right thing. Now
You did the right thing. Now he knows not to expect you to clean up after his kids
He is being an inconsiderate
He is being an inconsiderate selfish jerk. Who the hell does he think he is? He had absolutely NO RIGHT whatsoever to do what he did - and then to act like an entitled piece of shit.
Good on you for standing up to yourself! Do NOT ever let him get away with doing that to you again - let him know that if he wants a goddamn baby sitter, then he an pay for one. Flamin' moron.
Amen to MarieJeanne. You got
Amen to MarieJeanne. You got a free preview of your life if you lived together. Take heed my sister!
That would be the last time I
That would be the last time I would agree to come over on his kid's weekend
You're not overreacting. He
You're not overreacting. He asked you to spend the weekend with HIM at HIS house. If he had to be somewhere else, he should have asked you if you would watch the two younger children or just ask you to come over when he got back home. As far as the mess, he's being completely unreasonable. Would he ask a houseguest to clean up after his children? I doubt it. If this were me, I'd ask why he wanted me to come over for the weekend. Right now it's looking like he wanted you to come over to watch his kids and clean up after them.
You did the right thing never
You did the right thing never do more than you assume to always do -- I made this mistake and it took until weekend before last when DH thought I was going to leave him for him to pick back up his part...he would get pissy because things were done even though Id ask for help...
Since making him think I would leave though not intentional in anyways as I was distant for many reasons - I have not made a lunch, got a complaint about where laundry is and he has even picked up, started a load of laundry (didn't finish but who can be picky if they are doing something), and done dishes instead of leaving them for me to do when I get home.
Set your boundaries now!!
Next time he invites your
Next time he invites your over and you know he will have his kids, FIRST....ask what the weekend plans are going to be before you agree to come over. He probably asked you to stay the weekend to help him out with his kids on purpose....NOT COOL!
SECOND....I completely agree with everyone here. This is not a good sign and you're not even living together yet. No Man or Woman is worth the trouble of having to deal with little monsters for Skids....period!
You did the right thing !!
You did the right thing !! Stand up for yourself now and save yourself from the unreasonable expectations many if us have lived with because we didn't do what you didn't the beginning. Good job!!