After finding and reading a few blogs on this site, I feel alive again! Like I can actually make decisions based on myself and bio-kids and NOT feel guilty. At this point in time because of our circumstances I am unable to fully disengage as much as I NEED to, however I have decided to start seeking employment and skids, will be in daycare. As will my bd but for a much shorter day then his kids. This weekend my bds and I are going out to spend time together, I have already informed him that this will be a weekly event and that maybe he should make plans to do the same with his kids, if not that sucks for them but it will NOT change my plans.

When he is home, I will NOT be punishing his kids, if he doesn't want to raise his kids to be respectful human beings who shower and don't want to live like pigs that's fine, if he doesn't step up, then they will be told to sit in their rooms until he decides he is ready to parent and handle the situation, he usually realizes 10 minutes or so that something isn't right.

I am taking my bedroom back, little sd4 is getting moved in a bedroom with bratty sd10 and the two of them can have fun there. I am moving bd8 and bd17 into the same room with a divider, and that was sd17's idea as she sees what's going on and can't stand it, also she is leaving for college in 6 months. My ss has ADD and had been through the ringer with BM that caused him so many issues, he and I are bonded as tight as my bio-kids so it will be known how different they are treated, but he is a good boy now and will be treated as such.

I am taking my life back, and I am so happy about it. I have smiled more in the last 48 hours then in the last 8 months. Thank you to everyone on this site for waking me up and reminding me that I am only human and that I and my children deserve better!

Have a safe and Happy Holiday