New here seeking advice

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Hello all, I'm new here and looking for advice. I'm divorced with 2 girls ages 3 and 5, I've been with my GF for 2 years she has 2 kids also 3 and 12. I love and she's a great partner but we haven't been on the same page when it comes to the kids. Seems pretty common from what I've been reading here but just wondering if I'm over reacting. Her kids are not well behaved. Her 12 yr old thinks she's 20, lazy manipulative liar, failing classes. Her three yr old is constantly screaming thru the house jumping off furniture or hitting one of my kids. She does not discipline them until the tenth time of asking them not to do something. My kids are well mannered and well behaved outside of my 3 year old going through a crying phase which I'm working on correcting. It's a stressful environment and my idea of home should be comfortable for everyone. Lately we've been arriving about who's kid did what and going tit for tat. Not good on either of our parts. We've also had our share of headaches from our exes. My ex had trouble with me moving on and did a lot of nasty things to try to come between us. She has since moved on but it caused us a lot of stress so it's worth mentioning. My girlfriends ex is a dead beat, refuses to make any kind of schedule to keep his kids and is disrespectful to my gf. He is ignorant and I don't respect him. Yesterday he came to drop her kids off in the morning, her daughter called to say they were outside but my gf didn't hear the phone, so her ex took it upon himself to pry open a window and put her kids through and then drove off. I felt so violated and infuriated. I recently just bought a house and the original plan was for us to all move in together but now we are having second thoughts. I really do care about her and my question is is this something that can be worked through with her kids behavior and shitty ex? We are in the verge of splitting.

You [b]both[/b]have shitty

You [b]both[/b]have shitty exes, let's sort that out right away. Bonus!! She's an ineffective nonparent.

Does your GF have a sleep disorder or is she just into hard drugs? How could she not 1. Hear her phone 2. Hear the door 3. See the kids, dad and his car outside 4. Hear the window being pried open? Seriously? How the f$@* does that even happen with her home?

You are in for at least 16 more years of this kind of nonsense, and my bet would be even longer because feral children rarely ever launch or become independent. Or you cut your losses now and avoid putting your child in the center of a dysfunctional shitstorm.

Maybe she was in the shower?

Maybe she was in the shower? All of this could have happened in a less than 5 minute time period for all we know.

The rest of what you said is spot on though. She is an ineffective/permissive parent. There will be constant conflicts over parenting styles. She has one getting into the teenage years and is already a PITA. It just sounds like a lot of work.

OP- you don't live together yet. Just hit pause. Don't make any major life choices until you are 100% comfortable and don't let her or anyone else bully you into moving in together. Yes, it is more cost effective to have 1 house instead of 2 but it is much more expensive to get another divorce. Make sure you are taking care of birth control. Don't trust that she is on the pill, IUD, etc. The last thing you need is to add another baby to this.

You're correct we were asleep

You're correct we were asleep and the bedroom is on the other side of the house. I didn't hear it either and I'm a light sleeper. When it's just me and her we are great so it's disappointing that it's coming to this. I'm not 100% happy bacause of her kids and ex.

I certainly would not move in

I certainly would not move in together and put my children in this environment.

I would definitely hold off

I would definitely hold off on moving in together and sit down with your GF and establish some changes that need to occur before you feel you are ready to cohabitate. I am just speaking from my own experience and I chose to cohabitate wearing rose colored glasses. I also had an SD 12 at the time with some of the same issues. Now I have an SD about to be 14 who is unbearable with an SO who is completely unable to manage her behavior and a BM who encourages the behavior.