New to this and losing patience
Okay so I have been with DH for 2 years now. His ex wife is driving me insane. Doing every possible thing to make his kid hate me. They have one together and one was his stepkid but not anymore but he raised him from birth. That one is the one that is driving me crazy. Comes over to my house and tries his hardest to get under my skin. Saying o daddy...mommy still loves you and I want you together again. Infront of me saying he will never accept a whore( learned from his mom) like me. The kid is 9 years old. All he does is while and cry. My younger niece can whip this kid. Then dealing with her all the time saying and leaving vulgar messages on my machine. Last time in front of the kids she says, I don't feel safe with some one eyed b*&^h driving my kids around. I wanted to deck her in front of the kids. I try to keep my mouth shut with kids around but when is enough enough. I told her she is not welcome out of her car on my property,,,she likes to cause scenes but does it anyway. I don't want the kids to hurt and have more trouble over here but I cannot deal with it much more. Their dad keeps saying that it is taken care of but the crap keeps happening...I dont want to lose him but I am at my wits end with this woman. She makes the movie fatal attraction seems kid stuff to what she has done here. Has the kids crying everytime they come and running home and lying saying bad things about me then getting a call from her and hearing that crap. Sorry to scattered but that is how I am feeling. The kids are coming in a couple hours and I am already to lose it...Anyone else having to deal with this?
1. New rule, Ex is no longer
1. New rule, Ex is no longer allowed to come to the home. DH needs to arrange a neutral pick up/drop off that does not involve you.
2. Give her one warning. She calls or comes to your home again, you will file charges for harassment.
3. DH, get your child under control with his mouth (repeating what BM says) or I will. You won't like how I will handle it either. So you best get it done.
Stop playing victim, you aren't one. Stand your ground and start acting like a bitch. Stop keeping your mouth shut for the sake of the kids. You don't owe them that, their parents to. YOU need to worry about sticking up for yourself. Anything you do in addition to what that psycho is doing, isn't going to make a difference.
WHATEVER gets me out of the
WHATEVER gets me out of the house on skid weekends!
EXCELLENT advice, AA. Most
EXCELLENT advice, AA. Most of us play doormat SM for so long and then it is too late to turn it around.
If its not too late, then its
If its not too late, then its a hella lot of work.
I agree with always's advice.
I agree with always's advice. I have already told my SO that when we (eventually) move in together Psycho BM is not coming anywhere near our house. She wont even have the address! And if my SKIDS EVER talk to me like that then they wont be coming into my home until they learn some manners!!!! Dont allow them to disrespect you like that, they need to know that that sort of language is NOT acceptable! And DH needs to tell them in no uncertain terms!
phone technique I used in
phone technique I used in days gone by (this is if you do not use the messages as evidence to file harassment case): change your number for everyone else but keep the one she knows only for her. DH pays for that line. Once you have filtered out all your friends, do not have an answering machine on that line and, if you want it to ring out, put it on silent. Try to ensure that line is expensive for her to call. If you want to answer, pick up the call but do not listen to it, put handset under a cushion or whatever. Then get on with chores etc. It feels great literally parking them in a corner. Let her run up a big phone bill, hang on a line pointlessly and wonder whether there is a person on the end of the line for as long as she wants to keep on shouting. It not only shuts the mad BM up ultimately in a non-violent way, but feels great. It's called "the politics of the empty chair".
She hasn't phoned me this way for years (skids are now adult) but did so at Xmas when skids were at a family party here, pretending it was to arrange for her meetup with them after. Same treatment -- silence and phone showing no change of tone, but no response for as long as she wanted to hold on. Got rid of her this time too.
Oh and don't let DH tell you it's "taken care of" when it's so blatantly not. If he allows this abuse to continue you will end up hating him too and that's not fair on either of you. He is supposed to feel protective towards you, otherwise what is the point of giving him your trust.