Need validation please: DH will not confront skids when they disrespect me
Its been 2 years of hell.
Having to keep my emotions under control in order to appear stable. Well, Im losing control.The unstated expectation is that I am to tolerate and endure the skids lies,nasty remarks and constant dirty dishes and leftover mess..why? Because the poor little darlings have come from their prostitute mothers neglect. The skids have learned to bond, cover each other when another lies or cheats. PROBLEM is that DH uses his gentle talk to be a buddy to them,,never holding them accountable..especially when my personal items turn up missing or broke. They all say" I didnt do it",,NOTHING is resolved.. and Im suppose to accept that?
When I want to help the skids learn self discipline and being responsible..I will generously pay for the things they need (as DH is not able financially.) I was told by one skid after I asked them to repay me $10 debt they agreed to repay..they said.."I dont owe you anything..I didnt ask you to pay for it"! WHAT?
I struggle with chronic depression and anxiety. Last May, I took prescription meds so I could be at my husbands side and support him.We got on an airplane and flew to rescue the skids from their whore mother. My DH got custody of 5 SKIDS ( we were only married just over 1 yrs).I have a generous and compassionate heart. I seen the need to rescue them was greater than my own need of mental health!I PAYED for the tickets from my own saving!
Now, 6 months later..I feel like a legal stranger. I dont belong in HIS family. I cringe at the thought of sitting down to Thanksgiving meal and pretend I belong. I dont. My DH allows those skids to disrespect me and it has put so much resentment between us.Even our marriage is failing. He just doesnt see that I have reason to feel like I do. He wrote a note this morning saying "I need to be whole"..I told him I have mental health issues from the start.So what. I have overcome so many obstacles in my life already. I have proven to exceed expectation despite my illness! I will not however allow those skids to use me..generous me.. anymore!Loving them hurts too damn much!
So, what are my real options?Divorce is not an option. I have to live here. Do I disengage..AGAIN!?My DH is not a leader in this. It seems to him I am the one with the problems..so I seek therapy because its unbearable to live here?
I feel what Im really after here is SOMEONE here to VALIDATE my suffering..is it too much to ask? Thanks.
Leave and save yourself, your
Leave and save yourself, your money, your sanity. It will only get worse until you have nothing left. The kids will always be first. Five is too many to compete with. If you stay you are insane.
Wow I'm so sorry you have to
Wow I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. I don't know that I could do what you are doing and keep my sanity. Matter of fact, I KNOW I could NOT do that.
If leaving isn't an option and your DH obviously isn't going to change, I'd disengage from the skids completely. Don't do anything or pay for anything for them. Seek therapy for YOURSELF and if DH doesn't want to have any part of it, he doesn't have to.
You need to start living for YOU and not anyone else. They're ALL taking you for granted and using you.
Good luck. I sympathize. I'm so very sorry.
Divorce is always a option.
Divorce is always a option. I cannot think of one reason you cannot leave.