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WifeVersion2.0's picture

Submitted by WifeVersion2.0 on Thu, 05/20/2010 - 5:15pm

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Hi, I'm new to posting on StepTalk but have been reading for some time.

Here is my current problem. Hubby and I have been married just over a year. Two weeks after we got married, DH got laid off. It's been more than a year now and he still hasn't found a job. He does get unemployment but 1/2 of that goes to his ex for support of their 2 kids. DH and I have talked for several months now about petitioning for a CS modification based on his unemployment. I printed the forms for him and expected he would fill them out and he hasn't. He claimed he lost the 1st set of papers so I printed another set and waited a week before asking if he'd sent them in yet and he still hadn't. That was last Friday....I lost my cool and we ended up in a fight. His basic position was that he's sorry I'm upset but he's not going to do it on my time frame. WHATEVER!! So, fight ends, I figure he knows now how important this is to me (and should be to him!) and he'll do it now. 5 days later and I again ask if he's completed the paperwork....answer: NO. I lost it again and we get into another argument. This modification could potentially save us about $500/month that we REALLY need! Why is he being so stubborn? He says I'm overreacting.....I think I've been more than patient and have every right to be upset!!

Ideas? Suggestions? I'd love to hear them!!

Thanks!

IslandofDreams's picture

Submitted by IslandofDreams on Thu, 05/20/2010 - 8:23pm

I agree with Abalyn. ASK him why he hasn't filed yet. Is the BM reasonable? Would she be willing to agree to a temporary cut in CS until he gets a job?I know, I know...Most won't. But it doesn't hurt to ask before filing.

Also, have you discussed with him what will happen when unemployment runs out? Are you planning to pay his CS? If not, you need to tell (not yell) him that.

WifeVersion2.0's picture

Submitted by WifeVersion2.0 on Thu, 05/20/2010 - 10:44pm

I did ask and his only reply was that he just hasn't done it. I asked him if he wanted to not seek the modification after all and he insists that he does. After not speaking most of today, he did apologize this evening (finally) for upsetting me and says that he will fill out the papers and mail them tomorrow.

To answer the questions, NO - BM isn't reasonable. She is single, with 3 kids, (youngest is by another man) and lives solely off the child support she receives from the father's of her children. She hasn't worked since the youngest was born (2 years ago). She lives in a house given to her by her parents, drives a car given to her by her parents, and is enrolled in every government assistance program she can be. So my guess is that she won't be happy about the CS reduction even if it is temporary. She hasn't felt the pinch of his layoff because her income from him stayed the same while his income dropped significantly. I'd have more respect for her if she actually was a GOOD SAHM, it's an admirable position but when she lives two blocks from the kids' school and can't be bothered to show up for their events while DH drives 20-30 minutes to attend kid events, it's difficult for me to have much sympathy or respect for her.

I can't afford to pay his CS and he knows that is not an option. It's hard enough for us to get by on what I make with his unemployment. Not sure how we will do it when that stops but hopefully he'll find something before then. If not, there are still a few more things we can cut out of the budget.

Thanks for helping.

epgr's picture

Submitted by epgr on Sat, 05/22/2010 - 8:01am

I would tell him flat out.. fight or not.. you are busting your ass to pay the bills, he is supporting his ex and you equally, since she is a SAHM she is doing nothing more than sitting there waiting for support, dont think she does not buy herself stuff with the money... so its not like lowering it would be taking it away from the kids.
I wouldnt even consider pay support, even if it was possible.
If, by the end of the wkend the papers are not filled out, you fill them out, hand him a pen tell him to sign them and you send them in..

Shannon61's picture

Submitted by Shannon61 on Sat, 05/22/2010 - 2:48pm

Your comment:

"His basic position was that he's sorry I'm upset but he's not going to do it on my time frame."

Hit home because it's the same BS excuse my jelly back DH uses when he doesn't want to confront issues dealing with SD (26). It shows a lack of assertiveness. Stand your ground and make sure he followings through with it.