I don't think you are wrong. It sounds like he is busy with his precious little angel, and not seeing too much else. My DH plays this game a lot - about "doing" for his BD. She lives with us full time, is 20, and has a 5 month old. I don't have any BKs so, I am the odd (wo)man out. I guess I am lucky in that I don't see him leaving my kid out.

He won't hear it when I try to discuss. But sometimes he flips the coin on her (which also irritates me, but I can't figure out why) - he demands that she do things for him - like run to the store for things we don't need. It is like this little click - that I am not invited to.

Basically, when they are deep in their mutual admiration society, I just go do something for me. (A LOT). A movie, the zoo (yes, I like the zoo). Stuff like that - then they start to get jealous - how come I am not including them... Can you do something along those lines with your BDs? It sounds tit for tat, but it is also moving along with your life instead of waiting for someone who is not paying attention.

I don't think you are reading too much into it, because it does really hurt. I don't think you can "guilt" him into anything, but you can have the fun and relationship with your daughters that he might eventually recognize as something he wants to be a part of. It takes a long time. Hang in there.

And you should be angry. The thing that pee'ed me about your story is that surely at least a 4 year old could go with him to most of these things??!! Like volleyball, like running errands, like pick ups and drop offs, they could both go, spend time with dad and big sister.

Speaking from experience with a huge age gap with our kids.

My BS is almost 15 my SS is almost 12 and our little man together just turned 2!! BS14 plays football, DH and I take master 2 and he has a ball. When DH picks up and drops off SS, BS2 would die if he couldn't go to big brothers "other mummy's house" (as he calls it LOL)to drop him off.

He treasures those car rides and it gives DH time alone with his 2 bio's to talk about stuff and bond with them both and SS loves that time alone with his little Bro. I think your DH is being a slacker and he can do all those things for BD but surely that shouldn't come at the price of leaving out his 2 little angels??

Men can be stubborn and protective of the child from another marriage and maybe you could change your approach..like hey what about you take the little ones to pick ups and drop offs and give me a break for an hour...or miss 4 would love to go to volleyball to give me and BD1 time to play a bit or take a bath..everyone wins and he stops looking at this as an attack on his older BD and his relationship with her and gets him to be more responsible with the time share of the little ones. Just my opinion but I hope some of it helps. And when DH takes Bs2 to the drop offs and to the fishing shop, I love the break too.

Catch xx
*The Real Catch 22*

I am about to be mean..

How about you just say to him point blank.. If you dont start spending time w/the little ones and sharing your time equally.. you might have to make that time up on your visitation weekends..

As in.. keep this up and that is the only time you will get to see these kids.. when its your EOW after I leave!

My dh and I are trying to get pregnant.. We have discussed at length things that I will find intolerable.. I made sure to tell him that when we have children together he is NOT to ignore them when the skids come to visit... that no one is given preference w/time. That we WILL do things on w/e the skids arent around.. I will not be told, no.. Skids are here.. lets do it when they can come too... That I do expect that there will be vacations that the skids will not be coming on w/us (there are many reasons for this expectation, ranging from their BM doesnt like when we take them away, gives us a hard time and then they get fresh and ungrateful.. and they do camping trips w/the bm and her new dh), that christmas will not be put on hold til the skids can be present.. christmas will happen on christmas regardless of where Skids are...

Did you have these conversations w/your dh prior to having your children?? Just wondering how good my dh's word really is!! Or if I can expect this from DH rather than my current expectations.

Thank you for your post. I have been feeling a little neglected when SD2 is around and my Boyfriend is home. But hearing that there are fathers out there who are neglecting thier own children in favor of a child(ren) from a former union, that's disheartening. But certianly puts things in perspective.
I think gertrude's idea is a great one. Everyone has a jealous streak in them and appealing to that isn't always a bad idea. Another thing that could work, develop something between all three girls and yourself. If your husband sees this ativity between the four girls of his life he may want to join in or even take your place in the activity.

you need to sit your dp down and tell him how you feel. For him maybe he like spending time with his dd alone. This does not need to change but it would be nice that he take the little ones aswell with them. Maybe he can just take them all to the park give you a break or maybe all of you.
Maybe you feel abit jealous as you wish you could do things with your dp on your own. Maybe try and organise a babysitter for your two and when sd is at her mums. You and your dp go out for dinner somewhere or maybe go away for the night. Some men can't look after the little ones as its too much for them. You sd age is fine because they don't need their nappies changed or be dressed or feed.

Tell him how your feel again.

You say you feel like a single mum well I'm not a step-parent and I feel like this all the time.

Men can't tell with kids so young I bet when the little ones get to the same age as your sd he will taking them out aswell. I'm not sure if you got a boy but if you do then when he's older he might take him to football practice or some form of sport that he likes. If its a two girls you got together then will be doing the same I'm sure he will.

Its bad though they are missing their daddy. Has he always been like this will sd? This will affect them growing up if they feel this way now. Dad only loves our big sister more than us.

I will take my sons out alone more and DH will take SD out alone more. I think it works better than always trying to blend and the outings are more enjoyable without both 13 year olds there. This started after I left with my sons to meet my mom for dinner the day SD yelled I wasn't her mom.

As far as BD she is all the kids sister, so we take turns including her in each outing. They all love her equally, though she prefers my sons, who are very relaxed around her and let her come to them, as opposed to SD who forces affection from BD. That's another post. But maybe your H can take your mutual kids with him on nights SD isn't there?

Peace, love, and red wine

Do you think he can't cope with the two little ones and when he comes in he is tired so would rather them be asleep. Whether he takes sd to take or not for me this is not the issue.
Something is really going on with him and he seems to be not wanting to be involved with the two kids you have with him. Tell him how you feel again.
The two little ones are going to start realising that their half-sister is getting more from dad than them. They will grow up resenting her and hating their dad.
Does he ask you how they been during the day or even goes and gives them both a kiss or checks on them. Is he distant towards you aswell? I just think you both maybe have drifted apart since the two little ones been born.
Is the Volleyball tournament over? Well if it is then you can plan a day out with you and him and the kids. If the volley tournament is what he always done with his dd you can't expect him to not go but I am totally with you on the fact its not fear the two kids you have together don't see him muct. He needs to share his time with the other two and not do everything with his dd all the time. Tell her no from time to time. Maybe she the one who purposely asks him to do stuff where he can't say not so he is always doing stuff but she knows it ticks you off.