I put off coming home as long as I could. I have a very caring staff, offers of going out to late night dinner and just talking and hanging out. My husband had texted me that he needed me home, so I declined and left the clinic.

My husband's escape is sleep. He was asleep when I got here, I have not disturbed him, and I'm not going to.

I've been having fun textig with my sister and her boyfriend, they're having a wonderful night. She's put on lingerie and dancing for/with him. She's my best friend, he's the brother I never had, I am happy for them. She always had good things to offer, she keeps putting the idea of focusing on fun in front of me. I have three drawers chock full of pretty stuff, but I don't have the ability to shut out my awareness of princess's malignant presence in my house.

I've taken to living in our room when she is here. This weekend I do not have a physical illness to attribute it to. On the one hand, it feels cowardly on my part. I will be 45 this Sunday, really, my presence, my movements within my house are affected by anyone? On the other hand, I have a vague concern that if given the slightest opportunity I will go off on that girl in a way that would not be constructive.

There have been so few people in my life that have incited, earned really intense negative feelings from me. And what is more confoundig about it is that I am over twice her age, I am her step mother, I know the viper she grew up with. Their biological mother was so awful that there is actual black physical energy flowing from their biological mother's hand as she held the camera toward my step daughter and took pictures of a zombie looking girl when she was a toddler. How none of them saw what is inexplicable black flowing from the mother's hand to princess in that photo is strange to me - it's the center of the picture.

I have no desire to see her, try with her. This is not me, I have not reacted to anyone this way except my ex spouse, whom I revile.

Very few people cross a line within me wherein I feel I've written them off. Less than a hand's worth in 45 years. She has, and I can't fully account for it. The closest thing I can come up with is that I believe there is nothing that will stop her from continuing to hurt the people I love the most.

I keep feeling like I should hang out in the kitchen exuding a state of zen serenity and inspire through grace some sort of change in how this stupid girl hurts people. But I can't, and I hate my limitations, I've never had to confront them this way.

That felt good to get out.