Need Advice
I have read many posts here and would like to share my story and need to hear what someone else has to say. I met my boyfriend a year ago and everything has been wonderful. We've been very close. His divorce was final a few months ago and he is having problems with his 7 year-old son. The ex has done all the wrong things since the beginning and now I'm paying the price. She, in the beginning, told the then 6 year-old that they were splitting up because dad was on drugs and cheated on her, which were lies. Then she involved him in the legal process, saying he couldn't see his dad until the judge says so and so forth. Then she kept him from seeing his son until the judge signed the papers. Now the boy has been sent to counseling because he is angry and sad and is fighting with his mother. She is not a nice person and I believe that since my boyfriend isn't there to listen to her yell anymore she's yelling at the son. He told the counselor that he thinks dad is gone because mom was yelling all the time. In addition to that, the ex and her family is always trash-talking the dad in front of him. My boyfriend was devastated when his son was sent to counseling and he discovered how sad he was. A few days ago my boyfriend told me that he can't see me anymore because he has to do whatever it takes to make his son happy again. He says he'll go over there and play with him everday if that's what it takes. We saw each other a few nights ago to end it and we both cried for hours. This was the love of my life, we were best friends and spent so much time together. I was just hoping that someone here might have something to say that would help me feel better.
Give him some space and let him know you're there
That a really tough situation on the little guy. Sounds like he's really been put through it. Your BF does need to know his son is OK and do all that he can to support that. If you two are as close as it sounds just be patient and let him know you understand and give him space to do what he needs to do. He can't be there 24/7 (right). Although it's probably all-comsuming to him.
In my opinion his priority is to his son now. And him and the ex need to find some sort of balance in there. I know it seems impossible.
I'm new at this too so I'm sure you will get a lot of great advice here.
T, You must be in so much
T, You must be in so much pain…I feel so bad for you. I also feel for your BF. It sounds like the poor guy doesn’t know what the heck to do. I don’t think he is thinking rationally right now. He sounds helpless, confused and doesn’t know how to handle this situation he has found himself in. Is your BF in counseling, too? I really think he needs to speak with a therapist to help him deal with everything.
I don’t know what I can say to make you feel better. You are suffering the loss of a love and a friend, but you don’t have to go through this alone. You will find support here and people who will listen and sometimes just having someone to talk to makes us feel better.
Are the two of you going to try to keep the lines of communication open? He’s feeling this way now, but that might change.
These are just my thoughts…
thank you so much
I want to thank everyone for the replies. I feel devastated right now over this and I do want to help him through this but I'm giving him space. He says he's not cutting me off and will keep in touch. The night we cried together for so long he said he just doesn't know what's going to happen. When he and I were with his boy everything was great. We all three had a lot of fun together and he said he's never seen his boy talk as much as he talked to me. He always wanted me to play games with him and stuff. Just a few weeks ago he told me his boy seemed uncomfortable with him sometimes but things were normal when we all three did things together. I just feel lost without him right now and I truly appreciate the chance to hear comments from all of you. Thank you paranoid, samanovasm, and bobbi. It helps to come somewhere where people care.
I am so sorry to hear you
I am so sorry to hear you are going through this T. He does sound like a sweet guy. You never know maybe after all this blows over you two will work out. You know the old saying...if this love is meant to be then let it go and your love will come back to you.
I know you are in a lot of pain right now and it's hard at this time to see any good in a situation that hurts you. Divorces are hard on everyone even if it's not yours. At least you know he is a loving caring father, and this speaks a lot to his character. I really hope everything works out for you.
Thank you mamaceta
I hope you're right. I know dealing with the troubled child and a crazy ex won't be easy but he's a beautiful person and I would make it through anything with him and for him.
Unless I read it wrong his
Unless I read it wrong his divorce was just final 2 mths ago yet you've been dating for over a year. Here's a big problem - He was married, whether separated or not. I strongly believe people need to get divorced BEFORE they even date and ESPECIALLY with children.
Her family may be saying very truthful things about him, and yes the kid for sure knows it. He should have waited until he was divorced, and if I were you I'd look for someone else. He did cheat and likely his behavior will repeat itself. Good luck.