my "HA - You must be joking" moment of the day

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So SS's 7th birthday is coming up and BM has planned quite the party for him. Costume party at the laser tag/bowling alley in the afternoon and Halloween party at her house in the evening, complete with a haunted house. She sent out 40 invitations for the first part and then invited her entire neighborhood to the second part. SS is planning to wear two different costumes that day.

When BM 1st told DH and I about this, I thought...cool, sounds like a lot of work, more than I would probably put in to a 7th birthday party, but not my party not my problem. Then a couple days ago DH called BM to let her know her portion of SS's sport enrollment ($20) and she said she didn't know when she would be able to get the money to him because SS's party is costing her $500!!!!

WAIT WHAT!!!

Now her not being able to pay her portion of sports is nothing new and not really a big deal. Their divide of it is the strangest I've ever heard (DH always pays up to $100 and then he and BM split the remaining, so if it's $120 DH pays $110 and BM pays $10) so it's not like the $20 she never pays makes or breaks the deal and the sports is SS and DH's thing, DH coaches and they have their time together, BM rarely shows up to his games anyways. But I just about crapped my pants when I heard it was going to be $500! I guess she didn't look at the price of the place before she sent out the invitations (eye roll). When DH told me how much it was my first response was, I hope she doesn't expect us to pay any of that. She invited us to his party, but in the past we've always done separate celebrations. She throws the party with her family, his school friends, etc. and we just have a small gathering with our immediate family. And she's never before invited us to her party.

So of course today, I get a message from her asking if DH and I could pay half of his party! Um NO! Now maybe if she had asked from the very beginning to split this party planning this year, I would feel differently, because at least DH would have had some say in this and 40 invites wouldn't have been sent out and pricing would have been considered before making plans. But DH had no say in any of it, his family wasn't even invited to it. I of course didn't respond and just forwarded her message to DH and he replied with a crying/laughing emoticon, so I'm guessing that's a big fat NO LOL!!!

Exactly! Not to mention its

Exactly! Not to mention its this weekend so short notice to come up with an unplanned $250.

And that's exactly it. I

And that's exactly it. I don't care how much she spends (I personally wouldn't and that's why I don't throw them) but you shouldn't expect others to pitch in unless you ask in advance. And she does this all the time and the worst part is, she neglects her bills to do it. So I'm sure in a week or two she will be complaining to DH that she's late on her rent or her car will get repossessed or her utilities shut off. It's stupid!

WOW!!!! That's crazy but

WOW!!!! That's crazy but sounds right up BM's style.

Good grief! She planned a

Good grief! She planned a party she cannot afford??? Then expects your DH to pay half when he had no say in it?

Yeah...NO. I would not help pay.

I have had expensive parties - But I planned it so I could afford it. My son's 16 bday is next month...guess who I will NOT be calling for $$$$

After their conversation last

After their conversation last night, I highly doubt that :). He called her and immediately said no, she pitched a fit and he continued to tell her no, that $500 is crazy for a birthday party and that if she cannot afford it he would gladly host the party at our house. Needless to say she is pissed, so we shall see what happens.

Been down this road but not

Been down this road but not for birthdays...BM was always about her self, never the kids so they never had birthday parties unless we had family parties at the house for them.
Anyway, with that being said BM did this to us for a graduation party. We were to pay for who we invited. So when it came time to pay we went down and paid for ourselves and for our guests. Well she invited a bunch of people and thought that we would split it 50/50 although that was never the agreement. She was not a happy camper. It was probably the first time though that she didn't get one over on us.
Knowing my husband he would probably pay 1/2 for the party as BM always used "It's for our kids" and it worked all of the time. Just makes me sick.
I agree that if you don't have the money and can't afford it...don't do it!

Its been a few years since we

Its been a few years since we shared a birthday party with BM. (The good olde days when FDH was stupid enough to ply her with money, good olde days for her that is). Once the War of the Worlds started and she took him to court, the joint birthday parties halted and now they each have a separate celebration so there is no argument over sharing the cost. But in your case, she has some nerve asking you guys to share the cost after she did not seek your advice, or input or even ask if 40 guests is reasonable. But......the reality is, as Sally says, BM will wrangle the money somehow out of your DH as he will feel guilty for the kid not having whatever he needs, even if its at the expense of a ridiculously expensive party.

UPDATE: So DH stood his

UPDATE:

So DH stood his ground and said he absolutely will not pay one cent for this party even after BM threw a tantrum. She must have come to some form of sense and cut down the party big time. Now he's only bringing 7 friends to bowling and she told the parents they are welcome to come, but if they want to participate it will be on their dime, and just invited everyone else to the Halloween party at her house. I have to say I'm shocked! We've never before had a simple resolution. And it seems like she didn't put DH down either. SS was telling me about the party last night and he seemed thrilled with the plan and didn't show any signs of being told "DADDY wouldn't let him have a big party". Has hell actually froze over?!?! Now to just get through this Saturday without any blow-ups....At least I came up with a great excuse for not attending....I DON'T WANT TO!

Exactly! As an adult I would

Exactly! As an adult I would be overwhelmed with that many people, not to mention I'm sure a majority of that 40 is probably adults not kids. Gotta mark this one down in the books as a civil resolution. I don't think this has ever happened before. Usually BM and DH fight, BM talks crap about DH to SS, and then there's tension between BM and DH for weeks.