Ok-my two oldest kids are from my first marriage. Their bio father is deceased-he died when they were 2 and 9 months old. He had a 19 y.o. daughter. She was my first experience in stepparenting and boy was it an epic fail. I was young (there was only 7 years age difference between us)-she was 14 when we married. I was so naive. I thought "If i am nice to her, why wouldnt she be nice to me". I have to LOL at that thought now. I was very nice to her, but her bm was a pasinator before pas existed. She said horrible things about my dh and then about me after we married. Totally brainwashed my sd. She lived with us a few times off and on over her teen years (a few months here a few months there). She finally moved in with a boyfriend on her 18th birthday. Her and my first dh were not close. They would go months without speaking or seeing each other alhtough we were only an hour apart.
She did get the opportunity to meet my children a few times-she met my youngest only a month before my dh died. Anywho, never really heard from her again until about 3 years ago when she moved to my same small town and I read my son's classroom newsletter that said they had a new student by xyz name (he is half Pakistani so it is an unusual name). I asked bs about his new student and gee, he sat right next to him in class. So I had to explain to my kiddos who this was as while they knew they had an adult half sister somewhere it wasnt really real to them and they didnt' know she had kids. Well since that time, my dd has attempted to contact her. She wrote her a couple of letters while she lived in our town that never got answered. But one day at grandparents/veterans day at school she did approach both my kids and say something nice to them. Well that was the end of it-she moved away a few months later and never heard from her or the boy until a few months ago on facebook. She is friends with both my kids as is her son. Very occassionally the son will talk to my dd, but my dd has tried to chat with her and she won't respond to her. She has tried to leave her a private message and again she won't respond. My dd told me the other day that it makes her want to cry to know that her half sister doesnt want anything to do with her or to be part of her life.

It makes ME want to cry that she feels this way. I can only assume it is because she does not like me. I have not spoke to her in almost 10 years-I would not keep my kids from communicating with her though. I am tempted to send her a message to let her know what my dd is feeling and asking her WTF is wrong with her that she can't even respond with a simple, "Hi, how are you?" Opinions?