My belongings are lost or broken by skids and DH doesnt do anything about it!
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Its been a year since DH got full custody of 5 skids. They came to us from a druggy BM, with the clothes on their backs. They had nothing, so I was generous at first, to loan out my laptop, phone, bike, etc, However, when these items turn up missing or broken, nobody steps up. I was understanding but now I feel like a fool.I discussed this with DH and somehow he makes it look like my fault. I think he needs to be responsible for his kids, which means paying for repairs or replacements.DH says he cant PROVE his kids did these things and the discussion ends. Its crazy.This is just a sample of the wedge that is now between DH and I because of skids.
RE: Too sensitive...I've
RE: Too sensitive...I've heard that one before too. Like 'what's your problem, lady?' My belief is that it's a slippery slope downwards when kids even have to ask that question! Why should I NOT feel upset when SS 18 makes doing his laundry a three day event? Occupying the machines and having to be told to move stuff. Now, what's my problem again? What? Too sensitive?
Dump his ass and his 5 kids.
Dump his ass and his 5 kids. That comment of "can't prove it" is sure sign of him putting his faith in the kids and not you. Does he think you are breaking and losing your own sh*t?? He needs to pay for what is damaged, lost or stolen, period. If he can find a woman who'll take on 5 damaged kids from a drugged out BM, then good for him but it doesn't have to be you. Standing alone against 6 people --that's nuts.
My DH tried to pull a 'I didn't see it happen' on me and I lost it on his butt. I had family visiting and had pulled out the 'nice' white chairs so that everyone had a place to sit. My bro-in-law was sitting in one of the chairs and had to take a phone call so he stepped out to a different room for a moment. When he came back, SS8 had decided he was going to fold his funky ass up in the chair instead of staying on the couch where he was. Bro in law told him to go back to couch (He had toys scattered all over it so BIL wasn't going to sit on couch) and that little bastard told him NO. A grown ass man that he doesn't even know but he felt smug enough to tell him nope, that he wasn't moving. Didnt even bother to look up at him. When my sister told me this I tore into his ass and he moved. I then went upstairs and told DH what happened. He said some mamby pamby crap to him to pretend it mattered that he didn't disrespect adults but there was no feeling behind it. Later this was mentioned and he said "I didn't see it happen". Damn. I tore into him too.
This is same sneaky bastard who DH witnessed hitting a 2yr old toddler in the head with a soccer ball when he was 7 b/c the baby accidentally kicked him when playing with the ball. DH fussed at him and told BM. BM who was sitting there when it happened said "well I didn't see it happen" and refused to punish SS8. Oh DH was sooo mad at her for not believing him or helping him discipline the boy for it. Yet he just pulled that crap on me as if I had some reason to lie or as if SS8 was incapable of such behavior. I reminded him of it and told him to kiss my butt and take his butt on somewhere with this "other man's kid". Can't prove it. Didn't see it. F8ck that.
Well..Im actually going to
Well..Im actually going to visit MY adult kids next month. I have very little personal possessions and everything is in the process of being LOCKED UP!No one will have the key to the room where my stuff is. And, I am not going to have a return date. I am going to get myself recharged and DH doesnt want me to go. Its been 2 years since i seen my kids because his familys needs came before mine. I didnt want this life. So, Im leaving with the thought of only returning for my stuff.I have no authority, no role and no purpose other than to help this family. I dont get it.
Good idea. Have a nice visit
Good idea. Have a nice visit and take your time. When you get back see if his attitude towards you has changed. At this point he has zero respect for you and I also don't see any reason to stay.
I really don't expect any change but ya gotta give him the opportunity because you like the guy after all. But I know he's going to back up his kids every time. Unless the kids say "Hey Dad watch this" and slams a hammer into your laptop he is not going to belive his kids can do wrong.
So you can live in a house where you lock your bedroom/office door all the time or you can leave.
Thanks All..Here is the
Thanks All..Here is the continuing dilemma. I am trying to see all sides of the situation. I am perplexed at making a decision.I am having to put myself in an unselfish place to see their situation. I see that my DH is overwhelmed with the responsibility, emotional and physical needs of the children added to my demands.I see 5 damaged children who we rescued and now need support and love.The kids needs seem to outweigh my own and I often feel compassion for them. Who wouldnt?
Yet, I also must see my side of things to be balanced. I did not want to be a mom, again.You know, the coordinating and caring role. I wanted a life with just DH(with skid visitation). I wanted DH to go on vacations and do spontaneous fun stuff with, but I cant because the skids NEED him.I also feel I have lost my spouse to the skids as he makes them his priority.
So..I need to take responsibility for my life.I need to do the right thing besides how I feel, right? I often think..if God put these skids in my life, well He will provide. However, I just do not know what my roles are..what expectations are..and options? I dont even know if there is a relationship with DH as all we focus on is his kids.Where the heck do I fit in all this??And if I leave, where do I go?I cant escape the feelings that I abandoned them!So, maybe Im physically with them, yet emotionally detached and doing my own thing..that seems like a nightmare.