My 9 year old SD thinks she is my son's mom. . .
Ok,I am hoping that by reaching out someone on here has been through the same situation and can offer some advice. Here is the situation: I have two skids, a 15 year old son and a 9 year old daughter. I do not have any biological kids, abd my husband and I are in the process of adopting an 18 mo. old. While my SD is extremely helpful, it has started to cross the line where she believes she is the mom. She has made comments to my mother that she should "be the mommy because the baby loves her the most." She has made comments to me that "she is a better mommy than I am." She trys to correct everything anyone does in regards to the baby. I brought up my frustration to my husband and he told me I was being petty. We have had the talk with her about the roles of Mommy, Daddy, and Sister, but she continues to push the line. I'm not sure if anyone else has gone through this situation or has any advice on what to do???
I haven't experienced this
I haven't experienced this issue myself. However, perhaps an excercise introducing this young lady to reality is in order.
Next time you go to the store to buy diapers/ anything baby related bring her with you. Right before you get to the cash register, ask her if she still wants to be "mommy" you'll get the answer of yes.
Then put your hand out for the money necessary to PAY for the baby. Let her realize she has no $$. And babies cost money.
Myself?
I would explain to the child that she is being disrespectful and if she ever questions your parenting again... parent HER. To her room until she can be respectful. Each and every time she oversteps the "sister"/ respectful line she is sent to her room, made to write sentences, given extra chores etc. Whatever her currency is... use it.
^^Don't do either of these.^^
^^Don't do either of these.^^ Don't start a battle or it will constantly be a battle. You admit she is helpful; you recognize the positive in what she's doing. She just doesn't know where to stop. And in a sense, yes, you are being petty because you are taking personally what a 9 year old says.
My daughter used to mommy my son. They are 19 months apart and SHE is the younger! It was all fine until he realized he didn't have to listen to her. Now when she tries to mommy him, he tells her where to go. This has nothing to do with you lacking anything or the baby preferring her. It has to do with an innate need to be in control of something, to take care of something. The best way to deal with it is to give her a baby job. It might be feeding him, or bathing him, or...whatever. And let her be in charge of THAT. Also tell her that being a mommy includes doing laundry, or cleaning up after feedings, baths, etc. She needs to get the whole experience (plus, kids need chores anyway). OR...if she doesn't have a pet yet, get her one. Move her desire to control or care for something toward a positive direction. And stop caring about the stupid comments she makes. She's a kid and doesn't get it.
Hopefully it is not a sign of
Hopefully it is not a sign of a mini-wife. Or mini-wife in the making.
I think it would be best if your DH nips this in the bud - of course making sure that a BIG SISTER can help out with the baby! It's all about teaching boundaries and most s/kids these days seem to lack in that department.
Thank you all for the advice.
Thank you all for the advice. I think a lot of my frustration is that I was rasied very different than my SD's upbringing. I think, more than anything else, the situation is just frustrating. Respect was huge in my family and upbringing, so the idea of a child trying to correct adults is outside my realm of adult/child roles. That said, I thank you for the good advice and will continue to stay on her about over-stepping her bounds while trying to give her praise for the good she is doing as a sister.
I know exactly what you mean.
I know exactly what you mean. My SD treats my BD as if she's the mom. She tells her what to do then SD does the opposite of what she just told BD to do. It drives me crazy and I hate it.
My SD does the same exact
My SD does the same exact thing, drives me insane! I can't say anything to BD without SD copying what I just said or stepping in. She is also a mini wife & attention hog. Absolutely nobody can pay one ounce of attention to BD without her stepping in, if someone asks me a question about BD she jumps in to answer before me or over me, most of the time she has no idea what she's talking about either lol. I know children think they are the center of the universe but this one takes the cake. I have told her she is the sister not the mother the behavior stops for about 10 minutes before she starts again. The worst part for me is when she tries to keep my BD from coming to me when she wants by trying to distract her or blatantly trying to hold her on her lap when she's clearly trying to get up... Makes my blood boil to be honest, so I don't think your being petty, I completely understand your frustration.
My SD15 does this not with a
My SD15 does this not with a child but with all of our pets. She thinks they are hers and that she is the one they really like. She doesn't have enough responsibility to take care of them (feed and water them and look after them) but yet she is the pet whisperer... :? I have also seen evidence of animals being hurt when no one else is around but I have no proof how it happened.
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