I kinda feel embarrassed and guilty for putting our personal business on the internet but I have no close friends or family to "rant" to. This may be lengthy but I really need the advice. Positive or negative...all is appreciated.

I'm a 24 year old step mother with no biological children. My boyfriend is 38 with 3 bio-children ages 19,17,& 15. We met when I was 14 and he was 28. (I know) My mom had just passed away and my father didn't really have a relationship with my brother & I. I guess I latched onto him because I was lost and confused and looking for someone to love. I now resent him for practically stealing my childhood but I do share blame. To make what could be a very long story short...

He lied about how many children he had and various other little white lies that I didn't find out about until later when we moved in together. I left home at 18 to be with him and I've never been back to see my family since. In a way I was isolated from them because they didn't approve of this relationship. Everything was good for a few years but his children were always (and still are) disruptive, disrespectful little beings with no concept of consequences and they do not like to put work into anything. He's never disciplined besides yelling loudly to intimidate them. They barge into our bedroom as they please, we can't even watch a movie in peace or go out on a date without them harassing us through phone calls/text messages. Fast forward. I thought things would get better with time but I was wrong...things actually got worst. His 19 year old daughter graduated high school but now lays around the house 24/7 texting, playing computer games or in her room with her boyfriend. His 17 year old completely dropped out of high school and spends every day in the home playing video games and asking to be bought more video games. He doesn't work and has made it very clear that he does not plan on moving out or doing the grown up thing. He is very disrespectful and curses in conversation with us and even his own grandmother & aunts/uncles. He also steals people's credit card information through his game systems and my boyfriend knows and does nothing to stop this although he know it is wrong. No one even flinches. It's the "norm". They are lazy and sit around fighting, fussing and yelling all day. You wouldn't believe these children were the age they are. They are very immature, rude and ungrateful. I hate coming home from work because I walk into total chaos every single day.

I was in college trying to pursue my bachelors degree in Psychology but I withdrew. I couldn't think straight or study in peace and most of my nights were restless & my nerves were shot as his 17 year old son blast loud rap music all night and he did nothing to stop him. I'm not placing blame and I did find a more fulfilling career as a tattoo artist and at some point, I do plan on going back to college just so I'll feel more secure in life. My boyfriend had an affair all summer long during the summer of 2014 while I was working (he doesn't keep a constant job). I would come home and find him gone a lot and come to find out he was having a side relationship with his ex who turns out, was a prostitute & junky. I am not making a single word of this up. He told me he didn't want me and I made him cheat on me because I constantly turned him away. I really wasn't turning him away but I was going to school and working 8-13 hour shifts almost everyday and was just mentally exhausted everyday. My boyfriend is a high school drop out and never holds a steady job so he didn't understand the pressure. Not to mention dealing with his 3 children everyday on top of everything else. I forgave him and things were alright for a while but I could never get over how unruly he allowed his children to be. And as I got older I realized how sick it was for a then 28 year old to be in a relationship with a then 14 year old when he had children himself. I guess I grew to resent him. It doesn't help that he would yell at me anytime I had an opinion different from his and he would call me dumb, stupid, and other things someone who loves you should never call you. He would tell me he was the only one I had and that my family didn't care about me. He had something negative to say about everyone in my life and I feel completely isolated from them now. His son used to call me the B word but one day I got really nasty with him back & he never tried that again. But he would say things like "when she wasn't here we would do this" and other manipulative things to get his way with his dad. I've never tried to discipline them or play the role of their biological mother. I never stepped in between their relationship. The son seems to have a weird obsession with his dad...one that isn't quite normal. He feels the constant need to be babied & praised and no one else can have attention but him and it's just creepy to be honest. Ive dealt with so much I can't even think of everything at once. I've stuck by his side through all the lies and emotional abuse of him & his children. One day last year I decided I couldn't take it anymore.

I'm moving on but I feel guilty because although he isn't the greatest partner or dad, he has helped me with a lot and put a roof over my head and was there when I had no one. I haven't seen any of my family since I was 18 and I decided that I was going to take my life back. At the end of May, I will be moving to New Orleans (I'm from St. Louis but it's much closer to home than Massachusetts is). I only have 1 family member there but I do love the city (visited many times) and I've been talking to a nice guy from that area around my age with no children (thank god). I decided that I'm going to live independently and try to grow my wings as an adult. I've never been on my own so this will be the first time. It's scary considering that I don't have a close family and I have no parents so I don't really have a "safety net" if anything goes wrong & I don't have the best credit at all (ruined it in my late teens, you live you learn) but for my sanity, peace of mind and happiness...it's a risk I'm willing to take. I've felt trapped for so many years but I'm beginning to find myself and feel free again. I'm sad but at the same time I'm happy...it's a bittersweet feeling.

Although his little family is dysfunctional and I'm not happy here, I can't get over the constant feeling of guilt. I do love him very much (we were together since 2007). We did have some good times & he was there for every major milestone up to this point...and at one point he was a happy person & fun to be around. But I feel like this relationship isn't going anywhere and I'm not ready (or willing) to continue to put up with his children who will probably never change their ways. They've wore my out mentally. The constant arguing, bickering, yelling, fighting and negativity on the daily...I just can't anymore.

Any advice on how to get over the guilt and just move on? I've thought about going to relationship counseling at one point but something in the back of my mind told me it isn't even worth it...

I apologize for any typos, and run on sentences. I've had a long day and just wanted to let it all out.