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Mother in Law is driving me crazy

LeslieBShaw's picture

Submitted by LeslieBShaw on Fri, 06/12/2020 - 7:55am

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General Discussion

I and my husband have been together for about 7 years now. His mother was far away from us and we never interfered much. Now due to health issues, she moved with us. I work hard every day and each evening when I return home the house is turned ups side down. I'm tired to clean after her. My DH tells me that soon she will get well and move back to her house. It seems she doesn't really want to leave. What can I do?

P.S. I'm new here and still learn these abbreviations.

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Fri, 06/12/2020 - 8:22am

Is there money in your family budget for someone to come in and help clean the house or help mil so that the house doesn't get turned upside down everyday?

Justthesecondwife's picture

Submitted by Justthesecondwife on Fri, 06/12/2020 - 10:40am

I couldn't handle on night with my mil, let alone her living with us, so I really feel for you.

I agree with prior posters in that it should be up to your DH to clean up after his mother if she is "unable" to do it herself. I am wondering also what her health conditions are that she requires live in care and can't even clean up, but will "soon" be well and moving back to her own home. I would be looking into her health prognosis for myself and seeing what she should/could do for herself as it is usually that apparently she will be fine to be self sufficient again in the near future. 

It's not common for peope to be able to make such a mess, but unable to clean up after herself, and be told she will be well soon. It doesn't add up in the medical world. Needing to live with you and have you care for her would usually require a serious condition which would render her quite incapacitated and not able to turn the house upside down, and certainly if she is on her way back to being healthy, the clean up part of messing a house up shouldn't be outside her realm of ability.

With patients, we always strongly encourage, for their own sense of purpose and rehabilitation in the recovery of an illness/injury, to do as much as they can themselves. It does them no good to have others do for them what they can do for themself. 

It might be worth speakin with DH to discuss this, and perhaps include MIL, about what she is able to do for herself. Not what she wants to do herself, but what she has the physical and/or mental ability to do. If she has the ability to mess up the kitchen for example by cooking, or moving things around the house to be left to you, it would strongly suggest she also has the ability to move things back to their rightful place.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 06/12/2020 - 5:27pm

You are not your MIL's beck and call girl and that your DH is not dealing with this effectively will require that you give them both clarity that her presence is dependent on both of them figuring out how they will mitigate her impact on the home and your time.

Give DH a chore list clearly defining what will be complete during work hours and if it is not, what DH will be doing when he gets home to ensure that his mother is in a clean place.

Every day, ask DH when MIL will be returning to her own home.

Tolerating this crap is tantamount to acceptance.