Money questions?
Hi everyone, I have 3 SS and 3 bio kids. My DH and I got full custody of my oldest SS (who is now 17). We have the other two SS about 3/4 of the time. We buy everything for the oldest including car, insurance, cell phone, etc. etc. I am getting concerned as the other 2 SS (twins) are getting older. My DH seems to think we should give them everything that we give the oldest but I feel that his ex should be providing something, I mean we do pay her CS each month. DH just feels like he does not want them left out and not get what the other one got. Of course his EX can never afford anything, even though she brings home over $2400 a month plus CS and lives in a dumpy trailer. My DH also has a very hard time standing up to her and believes all her excuses. She did get them cell phones once but they were pay as you go so of course that lasted 1 month and never got more minutes. Now he thinks we should pay $30 a month to get them cell phones because older brother has one. I just think she should pay for 1/2 or something but we probably would get paid next year!!
I just am getting really antsy thinking about this blowing up into a big fight. My DH always thinks we have a lot of money (I pay all the bills and etc.) In reality we really don't make millions and are big time in debt. He has been working major overtime and seems to think that means more to throw around, but I would like to get caught up.
Do you guys think that I should just be quiet and pay for everything for these other two SS? or make EX pay for some or all? She is their mother and as they get older they do need more, not that they have to have a cell phone but maybe a car, so I don't have to drive them everywhere. One of my bio son is from my EX and I pay for what he wants (like clothes) and never ask his father for more $$, but I guess I am more responsibe than EX. I guess also one thing that really gets me is that if she buys anything it is a huge deal and they just talk it up like she just bought them the moon when all it is is a box of their favorite cereal when I just bought it for them last month. It is so frusterating not getting any sort of credit for doing so much for them. I don't really expect credit but sometimes a thanks would be nice and maybe they go to their bio mom and talk up what I give them, but I doubt it because we know she talks horrible about us and they know better than to say ANYTHING about us.
Okay, thanks for letting me vent. I am sure most of you know my situation and maybe have some good ideas.
Thanks
money issues
Money is always such a touchy subject especially in blended families. Since you are already paying for all of these things (car, insurance, cell phone) for older ss it will be hard to argue with not providing them for the twins as well. What I would suggest is if they want these luxuries they should ALL get part-time jobs to help pay for them. Are the twins old enough yet? If not then they aren't old enough to have them in my opinion.
When I turned sixteen and wanted a car my parents made me get a job and I had to save half the money to buy it and they put in the other half. This helped me to learn the value of a dollar. I also took better care of my car because I had earned it. The lesson of paying for my own things taught me a lot of responsibilty and what it is like in 'the real world' where if you want something you have to work for it.
This is your hard earned money too and you should have a say in how it is being spent. You said it is frustrating not geting any sort of credit for doing so much for them. Maybe if they knew how hard you have to work to pay for these extras (by working themselves)then they would appreciate more what you get them.
These are just my opinions, what works for one family doesn't always work for another. I hope this helps.
Mamaceta
Thanks for your input. I
Thanks for your input. I know that we have already given the older one stuff and it would be kind of unfair not to let the twins get them just b/c their mom is a flake. I would love for them to get jobs but unfortunately my husband thinks that since they play sports they don't need to be tyed down with a job. I do not agree with this at all and know that the other children will definately have jobs at age 16. The twins are only 15 and did have a summer job working in the fields, which they hated, but then they spent all their money at AM/PM on food and pop, like I don't have any here for them, oh well, it was their money. I guess I should start saving up now to pay for all their other stuff when they turn 16. It is just so frusterating b/c I feel that the EX is getting the free ride. I was a single mom once too and I was actually better off when it was just me and my son (in the money situation that is). I never asked for anything from my EX and still never do. My DH ex is used to getting extra stuff from my DH and she knows that if she does not have the money he (or we) will pay for it and if we ask her to pay for half, which is what she is supposed to do we might get in incriments of $10 every 2 weeks. I must say that my DH has put his foot down a lot more with her but he still lets her slide. He will say she still owes us $10 but I am glad that I got some and will forget about the rest. $10 to me is a lot, I mean it all adds up.
I did not have everything handed to me growing up and have had a job since the age of 12. I always had to pay for my own things. My husband thinks if they do sports they should not try to juggle a job too. I had a job and was a cheerleader for 3 sports at once!! It is a very sore subject for us that we do not see eye to eye on and I just basically gave up the fight with the oldest and probably won't get far with my other SS and of course my bio son is basically a nerd so will probably not do sports so will have to get a job
At least the boys are twins who are basically connected at the hip and will be able to share a car and cell phone.... Hopefully when the time comes.
All I know is that step parenting is hard work!!
I think your oldest SS is
I think your oldest SS is spoiled. I'm not being rude here but he is only 17 w/car, phone etc. I would let my child get a job and work to get his/her stuffs. Since you want to pay off your debt first, I think you should go that route first and let your husband know. Never mind the materialistic things right now. How old are the other children? Can it wait til' they are older w/jobs and have them pay partially or fully on their own?
-happy mom