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MIL Problems...Ugh

lilmomma's picture

Submitted by lilmomma on Wed, 12/18/2013 - 7:14am

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My Husbands ex-wife...the BM, was horrible to him. She cheated, cussed, hit him, used him and his family for money...etc. He doesnt even know if the child is really his or not. (whole other issue) His Mom has been horrible to me the entire time Ive been with him, telling me I need to look more like his ex cause thats what he likes, always telling me about BM's life and what shes doing. She even had pictures of DH and BM hanging up in her house still but will not put up pics of DH and I. I complained for over 2 years before DH said he spoke up and said something to her and I highly doubt that it actually happened, the pictures of them came down but that is it...I wasnt there and he is a big mommas boy...we live right beside them...haha, surprise...but Im really needing advice on what you guys would do or say...Im about to snap on this Preachers Wife.

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Wed, 12/18/2013 - 7:50am

Stop being MIL's victim. Why live next store to this woman? Why sit and listen to the woman go on and on about BM? See her less, move, change the subject of conversation.

She may never 'like' you, but you're a big girl now. You have choices. Why would you choose to live next to someone and see them often if she is 'horrible' to you? Have the discussion with Dh that it is time to start living your own lives and put a bit of distance between you/him and the next store parents. Sure, you could demand DH tell his mother to shut up and mind her own business aka stop tormenting his wife with the BM crap...but that will just increase her dislike of you. As you live next to her, what will that solve? Nothing. It's time for you and DH to be more independent of his parents, put some distance between the homes and spend less time together. You can't make her 'like' you, but you can take control of how and when you'll see her or not by not living next store and not entertaining her crap on a daily basis.

lilmomma's picture

Submitted by lilmomma on Wed, 12/18/2013 - 12:37pm

Thanks everyone and moving is not really an option right now. We own the home we live in (no rent or house payment) and around here its hard to find another place to move to. I have put so much distance in between us shes asks if Im mad. Haha. I am polite no matter what she does, think after 3 years, thats whats bothering me. She has just tried to get me, DH and BM to come celebrate together on the childs birthday. I told her nope, Ill have her a party myself. DH doesnt want to be too distant from her since she is the one keeping his kids when he gets them. Im about to fly the next from this marriage....to much drama for me anymore.

christinen's picture

Submitted by christinen on Wed, 12/18/2013 - 1:22pm

Ugh that must be horrible living next door to MIL!

I think you should just ignore her, honestly. I had to cut MIL and SIL off big time because every time I saw them, they just talked about BM and they would even call me by BM's name. The first couple times I told them how it bothered me but when they kept doing it despite knowing it bothered me, that's where I drew the line.

Now, I only see them on holidays and even then I don't stay long and don't talk much.

lilmomma's picture

Submitted by lilmomma on Wed, 12/18/2013 - 3:32pm

Sounds like weve been in the same family...my SIL isnt bad but gets really defensive over the MIL, even if she suspects I dont like the least little thing about her. Im sorry youve had to put up with it also. I have pretty much cut off all contact but she likes to drop by when Ive been gone long enough to rub BM in my face. I am going to say something to her the next time BMs name escapes her lips. Maybe it will make her hate me enough to not want to see me anymore....what a glorious day!! Blum 3