Not much into the holiday spirit this year.  Both kids are adults now and their wants are more activities than gifts.  BD18 and I are getting some more tattoos done and have a few trips planned for next year that are part of our presents.  DH and I are living in a vacuum of nothingness since I stopped actively working on a marriage, he never participated in.  You can tell he’s confused and waiting for me to re-engage so he can, guess he’s going to be waiting until the next side of never.  I have no clue what Spawn is us to nor do I care, just glad she will never be a presence in my life again.

Here's my novella. Where to begin...

I'm ready for December 29th. Our annual NYE party is now dinner on the 28th because our hosts bought a new house and are not settled in. IMO, this is a win/win because: no mega house cleaning or decorating or buying party frills for the hosts, no fretting about what to bring for the guests, no one has to worry about arriving too late or leaving too early or when the heck will they just leave?! So dinner for 2-3 hours = YAY!!!

My nerves are frayed. Everyone wants a piece of me and I want to crawl into a cave and hibernate. What IS it with those who think getting together once a month is suddenly a need?? SEVEN people are chomping at the bit to pin me down for monthly hangouts. Is it because we're getting older and mortality is a concern? Sure, my sparkling wit and conversation skills make for a fun time, but those "performances" mentally exhaust me. Step on the virtual stage seven times a month??? Gaaaaaaaahhhhhhh. I'd rather kick a sleeping bear.

I still have Christmas packages to wrap and mail (gift wrapping is a time suck!), finalize the grocery list for what I'm making for 3 - count 'em, 3! - different gatherings. Also, plan my cooking time around work and two medical appointments (no rest for the wicked...). I'm sending 3 Christmas cards this year. That's it.

I was careless last week and slipped and twisted my knee. This is hindering me in too many things AND it aches at night so I'm not sleeping well (add physically pooped to that mental exhaustion).

Let's not forget about family drama! Not step family; blood relatives. This has been going on for over a year. A couple of things have improved, but others have deteriorated. I'd like to divorce all of my siblings and their offspring.

As for DH? He's been a rock. I had a mini meltdown last night, was crying while rearranging the cheese drawer in the refrigerator (most use them for veggies...), and he got down on the floor to hold and kiss me, saying, "It'll be okay, baby. I've got you." Lord, I love this man. <3

Thanks for posting this. Hope all is well with you! *give_rose*

It's almost Christmas aka grifting grifters who grift day.   

Quiet here. This is the first year DH sent out Christmas cards (with checks) to skids and did not ask me to sign the cards. (Finally got it through his head.) I've enjoyed BM insisting on having skids with HER nearly every holiday since the beginning of time. Works out well since the little bastids aren't allowed here any longer.

I've had fun shopping for DH and people in MY family (including our dog), and we're doing a holiday run of delivering gifts either this weekend or next. 

It'll be a very quiet Christmas here this year. Just the way we like it. 

You must answer the big question.  In the end. After your death . Where is your money going ?   Personally. I don't want the state of New York to get it.  It will pay for a politician new helicopter. Or part of it.  charities  ?  Hard to find one that on the up and up. Money given to the catholic Church, For World Trade Center fund went to pay off child Molesting payments.  The. Red Cross saved the money. 
'SO SK are going to get it in the end anyway.  

What's going on for moi?

I'm doing okay. Actually, I'm doing really well.

I will be picking up a shift at my (new) part-time job on Christmas Eve (cha-ching). I will be making Christmas dinner for approximately 5 to 7 people: my 2 sons, ex husband, his girlfriend and her daughter and son-in-law. The last two are the MAYBEs because they are vegan and may choose not to join us for dinner. My daughter is getting married this Saturday and will be celebrating with her new husband's family.

I have the house mostly to myself (daughter is at her fiances house as much as possible), and I'm decorating a live tree (splurge) and everything else to my taste. I'll probably bake Christmas cookies on the 21st.

I'm working again on New Year's Eve and look forward to starting my 2025 in my cozy home, alone and laying around with my cats = JOY.

Side note: I am really liking my new PT job. I work in a residential living community for young adults struggling with a variety of rather serious mental health issues. The place is pretty cutting edge and offers residents a lot of wraparound services to get them functional and independent IN the community. It's really wonderful and I feel good about how I'm spending my time being a positive supportive influence instead of stocking shelves at some retail establishment. Last weekend I worked both days from 3-11:30PM so the only thing I'm really going to have to get used to is decompressing and getting to sleep as soon as I can when I get home. I was dogging it on Sunday during my shift because I was up until 1:30AM after my Saturday shift.

I did all of my Christmas cards before Thanksgiving and mailed about 50 of them out on December 2nd. It's the only thing I'm on top of so far! LOL

I have some fun stuff planned with friends. Having a nice joint birthday dinner with a friend this Friday and doing a holiday pub crawl next week, so I'm not missing out on any fun.

Santa Claus (me) is giving me a couple of books for Christmas that I'm really excited about. Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times https://katherine-may.co.uk/wintering

and Enchantment: Awakening Wonder in an Anxious Age https://katherine-may.co.uk/enchantment

I'm really looking forward to my winter reading during what I'm calling cocooning or sheltering - Santa is so good to me!

Merry Christmas!

Thanks for asking! I'm quietly waiting for the drama. SO's family knows about SD25's pregnancy by her abuser and maybe trafficker (i'll explain more below.) His sisters are determined to throw a baby shower. I'll be working at my new job on that day (it's at lunch time on a week day) so won't be able to attend, so I won't have to try to fake "YAY!! A BAY-BEE!" Supposedly SD is driving down for the day (it's a one-hour drive from where she lives), as nobody wants to admit they don't trust her to sleep at their house and not steal them blind. 

The latest is that SO heard from one of the shower-throwers that her daughter told her SO's other daughter (SD28) told HER that SD25's photos and some explicit videos are on a porn site. They were sold to the site by SD25's baby daddy when they were "on a break." Meaning he did it without asking SD25. But shortly afterward, SD got back together with him and within a few months, was pregnant. SO's sisters are like so excited for the shower and wondering "Oooh do you think we'll get to meet the father?!" WTF. In my family if a guy did that and also physically abused one of us, he shows his face and he gets the police called or his a$$ kicked, depending on who's around. 

As far as dealing with the Christmas season, I feel like I am doing OK considering its an emotionally charged time just like it is for just about anyone for their own reasons. It has been for me even without any steplife issues coming into play, so with that being said I am still keeping any step and inlaw , etc related drama at bay from me as much as I can avoid it. I hope it ends up working out that way. Just praying that any pressures from SD30 or anyone to revolve my holiday ( and it is mine too) plans around making her the priority. Its not going to happen.( tried as she might) .it didnt last year so definitely not ever from  here on out. 

I am doing that by just focusing on whatever  traditions and rituations bring me any joy or comfort,,just trying to keep busy with that and my own plans for Christmas with my side of the family. . This year, I am just going to let go of any control with the DH family stuff and let the chips fall wherever they may.  Not so diffferent than any other time of the year.

No Skid Christmas this year. He will be on duty so we are sans Skid this holiday.  There is some angst about that. He is struggling a bit with an adult Dx with ADHD and is struggling with depression so not being with him has both his mom and I on edge.  But, he is adamant that us crashing his life for the holiday's isn't a good idea.  He is working with a Psych team, both an ... iatrist and an ..... ologist and is apparently doing the work to get through it.

He recently did say that he has some anger towards family though was very clear that it isn't with his mom or me, or with my family. So, that leaves either my IL clan and/or most likely, the SpermClan. He isn't ready to share on that yet.  My spidey sense is that how my ILs were less than welcoming of his coming out, and his entire toxic journey with the SpermClan is what is at play regarding anger with family.  So, stay tuned.

My mom and dad arrive on the 20th and will be with us through Jan 2.  The 20th is the day we check out of the Marriott resort on the strip after 5 nights. Our tons of vacation points friends were going to lose a pile of Bonvoy points and were not going to be able to use them before they expired so offered them to us. So, we check in this Sunday.  We have reservations at 5 different top rated restaurants, one each night, for the week. We start with Bobby Flay's Amalfi on Sunday.  We may catch a show or two. Our goal is to keep it low key, enjoy the resort, and enjoy each other  until mom and dad arrive. DW does work every day next week but her role is hybrid and her office is only about 20mins from the resort.  It should be a very nice week.  I'm thinking of doing some man-spa stuff while DW works.  I miss TuneUp in Houston.  A barber shop for men.  A free bar 2 drink max (a wall of top shelf spirits and a selection of beer. No man card  shredding wine though. That is for chicks! <Wink>) , actual licensed barbers, hot towel straight razor shaves, hot towel neck massages, and man-mani and pedi room with bar drink delivery and sports on the big screen.

(Insert man grunt here)

My SIL arrives the evening of Jan2 for 4 days with my DW.  That, I am not so excited about. I am considering ordering web cams for the condo to be able to press charges when she invariably steals something. She nearly always tries when there is a gathering.

My bride's firm has a semi-formal holiday event for the entire firm and spouses this Saturday evening.  This weekend starts three solid weeks of holiday stuff and family visiting.

My aunt arrives on the 24th.  Her DH passed in Sept of this year and all of her boys and their families will be with the ILs for Christmas. They were all with her for TG.  She asked if she could join us this year because she wants to be with my mom on the 26th which is mom's 80th B-day.  Our 2br/2ba 1200ft^2 condo will be tight with 5 adults a Christmas tree, and an extra bed in it.  Dad is insisting that he take the sofa in the living room and mom and her sister sharing the guest BR.  We have a queen bed frame that is actually two mini-twin frames that clamp together. We got a fold up mini-twin mattress so no need for anyone to sleep on the sofa.  Mom and her sister can handle about 3 days together before things tend to get spicy between them so this could be fun.

An aside, mom and dad had 3 sons. My aunt and uncle had 3 sons.  Not holiday related but an interesting parallel between my mom and her 2yrs younger sister.  My aunt has 4 G-daughters, 2 G-sons and a GG-daughter.  My mom has 3 G-Sons, 1 G-daughter, and a GG-daughter.

I'm good. Though I am a bit conflicted on a gift for my DW.  We had our 30th earlier this year and had a great 9 days on the big island of Hawaii.  I did not go nuts on a 30th gift.  We did get some nice pearl jerwelry for her and some other nice local Hawaiian artist jewelry pieces. Never mind, I guess I did go a bit nuts on bride gifts for our 3oth.

So, do I go a bit more nuts?  I recently found a nice IGA certified emerald cut diamond solitaire that I have been mulling the thought of surprising her with for Christmas.  My conflict is, I am currently retired (pending figuring  out what I want to be and do when I grow up), and DW is the sole income.  The money isn't the issue.  I think I am struggling with the personal optics of buying her an expensive gift that basically she will be paying for since I am not working.  As I said. The money isn't the problem.  She does very well, my career has been successful, but... no paycheck has me a bit shaky regarding my man card quality.

Regarding the kept man life. I do the shopping, cooking, do the dishes, clean the kitchen. We each do our our own laundry and pick up the rest of the condo.  I occasionally do the floors and clean the stove, etc...  So it isn't like I am just lifting my legs out of the way for a maid service. Though I do miss those days from when we lived overseas.  Three day a week apartment cleaning, clean sheet day 3x per week, miraculous never ending toilet paper, and though we did not have a dishwasher in our apartment they did the dishes. Which was scary since they used the dirty cleaning clothes from the apartment cleaning so the first thing we did when they left was re-do the dishes.

Today is rip apart the refrigerator, pressure wash the shelves and drawers, and pressure wash the patio and patio furniture day.

So, go overboard with her gift, or.... go a more frugal route is the question.

I know my SParent life is one with comparatively zero drama to what so many experience. I wish everyone's SParent life could be as mostly drama free as mine is.

Merry Christmas STalkers.  Enjoy the parts of the season that you can. Don't let the gremlins steal your bliss.  I advise getting freaky under the Christmas tree with your SO late night on Christmas eve. Don't forget the plush faux bearskin rug. That can be your little secret to keep from the StepSpawn and a nice gift you share together while the grift gift grab is going on during the 25th.

We won't see the grifters this year. DH and I did talk about gifts for them but so far he's done nothing about it. Oh well. I have no idea if he intends to give anything to SD--their state of communication changes by the day and I don't want to know. My daughter asked me to help with an unexpected major vet bill, so her gift is done except for the small things to open.

So, quiet here. I'm good with that. I am baking cookies and that brings me joy (and fat thighs).

Surprisingly, SD63 hasn't yet called with her sobbing about not having money for gifts for her kids and gkids but there are still 2 weeks to go.  Whatever.  We will give her most of her Christmas money, like usual.  Or, maybe, since she's on the outs with 2 of her kids and 2 of the gkids, perhaps she doesn't plan to give them anything.  I just hope she doesn't try to have a Christmas event 

I'm having a good holiday so far.  My birthday is next week so I booked 2 nights at the casino and my host is comping a massage.  Life is good!

My DD will probably have a low-key thing Christmas Day since her son and new wife will be in town and I (not sure about DH) will stop by after seeing Mom.  My DS will probably be there, too, or might stop by our house after seeing his MIL.  He leaves for Florida for the winter the next day and is chopping at the bit to go there.

I hate that any of us has the obligatory feeling but, oh well, it's the holidays.

Happy holidays and/or condolences. This thread is reminding me that the holidays is high tension and stress, along with the merry cheer. I'm advocating for just giving cash to the kids and my nephews this year. I think the young ones in my family prefer it anyway, and it saves me the trouble of shopping for gifts that I've never seen SS use/wear/hold on to again after Xmas. But I can handle giving him gifts (all monetary these days) on Xmas and birthdays. Meeting basic obligations frees up my conscience to make needed choices to preserve my sanity in other situations.

Every year though at both Thanksgiving and Xmas, SS gets angsty because he really wishes he had a larger extended family, and neither his dad or mom have many they keep in touch with. My DH has a brother who lives outside this country, and never visits. I think his mom has half siblings and adoptive siblings, but they aren't really in the picture. I do think the BM keeps in touch with a half sister who lives a state away, but SS decided he hates her and even calls her "that slut" to his dad. Isn't that horrible? That's his aunt that he's reffering to. It tells me that he's seriously lacking in common decency and respect, and it makes me think he talks the same way about me out of ear shot. It adds to my discomfort at being around SS. Sadly, my dh doesn't correct him.

In any case, I have a nice extended family, and in another multiverse, maybe SS could have been a part of that, but it just wouldn't have worked with him treating me with hostility all the rest of the year. The first Thanksgiving my family and all spent time together was when SS was 15, I remember that SS sat observing my interactions with my big and little nephews. They were helping out and chatting with me, and I could see that SS was envious. I hear SS say 'tell me what I can do to help.' He has never said that before nor since. I felt bad, but I was actually annoyed to hear that. For months and months, he treated me very disrespectfully, and trashed me to DH hatefully and often when I wasn't around. His asking to help was just a temporary hiccup to feel a part of something for the moment, more driven by his need to fill a void than a genuine desire to help. I gave him a small task to do, and otherwise did not engage SS much.

Now SS tells everyone that I don't accept him and never have. That he did regular teenage antics in the past, but nothing ever to justify my mistreatment and exclusion of him. If you've read any posts of mine, I am totally guilt ridden, so that works on me more than I would like. But this process is such a good thing for me - I'm learning to let go of my guilt and need to please. He can trash me all he wants.

SS was not with us this Thanksgiving. Xmas will be harder because it's just me, dh, SS and my BS will be there for a few hours (the rest will be with his dad). On Xmas, there is this external expectation that we have a special time with our beloved family members. There is no escape, and there isn't even any stores or theaters open. But that is far from how I feel towards SS and vice-versa, and it feels yucky to try and conjure up feelings that aren't really there. I'm begging my sister to join us for Xmas. She's on her own while her kids go with their dad. She asked me if SS is going to be there, and when I said 'yes', she declined. Yes, she does know him.

I apologize for the long post. I guess I needed to exorcise the ghost of Xmas past.

I am expecting this to be a step-free holiday. It is a load off to have them out of the area. They were just lingering here for so long over the summer, fall, and into Thanksgiving. I am at wit's end with it. I think DH is pretty clear on my lack of patience for the whole situation, as I told OSD28 off about her touching my stuff without asking me, the last time she was here.

Poopsies isn't used to being corrected so she went off into the yard to wail about it ... and I mean literally WAIL. It was the type of crying I might do if I just found out my entire family had died in a car crash or something equally horrific. Not to minimize people who have suffered actual tramatic loss. This child-woman was told not to touch my things and her response was to have a complete melt down. Lol

She is getting slightly more sophisticated in that she came back inside to tell me in a sarcastic tone that "I should have thanked you." (For telling her the obvious?) And then she went into full on poor me pity party story about how it's just so hard to be in this house because she has memories here from childhood and now everything is so different. blah blah blah ... Yeah Byatch, it's different. Now it's clean, organized and we remodeled the entire house, unlike years ago when filthy, hoarder BM failed to keep house here. Did I mention I don't care for my SD? Lol

Her "story" doesn't make me feel sorry for her. Her life hasn't been any more difficult than anyone else's. In fact, it's been pretty damn easy. I came into her life when she was a teen. I saw how well she was treated and how many advantages she had. She not only had her needs met but many of her wants as well. She's ungrateful and entitled like her BM.

Anywho ... It will just be me, DH, and my adult BK's that are still living in the area here for Christmas. I am so looking forward to relaxing and enjoying a stress free holiday.

Yesterday I wrapped up a big box of house warming gifts for my oldest BK24 that just got his first real job and 1st apartment. My youngest BK19 asked to bring her boyfriend home for the first time for dinner. I made a big dinner and we got to meet him. I REALLY liked him and I liked how happy my daughter is around him. I am just so thrilled for both of them. They have all kinds of big plans to travel and live their best lives. I wish I had done that when I was 19 instead of meeting and marrying my azzhole ex husband.

Christmas will be simple this year. I am mostly just doing gift cards and a few gifts for the younger kids in the family. I got a few things for DH that I know he'll like. He won't buy for himself so it's fun to buy for him.

Before thanksgiving I had a few health issues crop up - one being an old crown that had cracked. Pain, suffering and no eating ensued. After visiting a Dr in my "network", and then wanting a second opinion about that tooth, Ive now found my dentist for all things in the future, and have a new crown on the way. Its a process not a procedure. The other issue required another medical visit with a nurse, some perscribed medicines and now Im good for now there. 

A third ongoing issue is I have rosacea. So, just picked up some Brimonidine and am going to cross fingers, hope for the best. The best would be laser or light therapy, but thats a few dollars out of reach for now. Ive not ever tried medications, but Im getting really tired of people say Ive gotten too much sun, eh? And the makeup not really covering it up.

Christmas-shishmas. My decked out house from last year will not happen, and Im trying to get the energy to make the ceramic village, snowman and nutcrackers and mantle happen, if not the trees because puppy has been destructive. Ive missed many (if not all) "events", but did make a local lighted boat parade. Each town in our collected gathering has their own tree lighting (missed 5). This Friday, DH has a nice work party, with white elephant, and December 25, we will attend DH's large family gathering with white elephant. I am going to give very few presents this year, just because finances are tight and health costs are taking a big bite. Luckily Feral Forger 

The weather has been spectacular - clear and cold in the AM, then up to 70 in the afternoon, getting cold at night. Guess what decided to just not work? The furnace. So electric space heaters, sweaters, and blankets a plenty.

In spite of all the challenges and FOMO, Im still feeling very grateful. This Christmas Santa is bringing this queen a new crown.

I enjoyed reading what everybody is up to! 

I am a bit out of sorts. We are in the middle of the kitchen renovation, so things are packed away. I keep seeing recipes for holiday cheesecakes that I would like to make...until I remember that the pan is packed away. Yes, I could buy another pan, but then I would have 2 and that seems wasteful.

We were planning to take a picture of the 2 of us with our Christmas tree to send with cards, but no tree! Way too busy with the remodel. Plus work is 'a lot' right now.  So, no tree and no cards. I am feeling rather grinchy...and I don't like it!

The only thing I am looking forward to is spending time with my son and his SO on Christmas day. My daughter was just home, so she will not be back for this holiday.

Dreading anything to do with the in-laws....

Did I mention I feel like the Grinch?