Marry a single mom or not?
SO I have been dating my GF for almost 4 years now. We lived together with her son for almost a year and ened up taking a step back after that. He has ADHD, and has had a lot of issues at school. He is now 7 years old and has been kicked out of one school.
When we lived together, he would listen to me, for about 30 seconds, then get back to doing whatever negative behaviour I told him not to do. I found this very stressful, and ended up asking them to leave.
My gf and I took some time away, then started dating again and went to counseling together. She now wants to move back in with me, and get married sooner then latter. I am 30 and never been maried, she has been married twice before.
As for my gf, she is definately the most amazing women I have ever dated. But being around her kid just stresses me out.
Anyone out there been in my postion? Looking back, should I suck it up and deal with her kid, or is it time to let her go and move on?
Yes we are all in your
Yes we are all in your position. You think 7 is bad, wait until 14. If he is having problems now and they aren't getting in check, its going to get worse.
At the very least I would say don't live together. At the most, cut you losses and move on.
I'm betting you will find that she is the cause of some of her kids issues (not minding, etc) and you will resent her for it. Don't take on her problem its going to make you unhappy. I promise you.
When I met SO, his kids had no problems. Minded, got good grades, couldn't be better. One teen and one pre-teen both spoiled and I didn't see that SO was the cause of it. Permissive BM makes matters worse.
So even when things start out nice, they can go bad.
I don't know your gf, but if she's twice divorced there is a reason for it. There is a reason for my SO being divorced too and its not always the other persons fault.
I agree that if at 7 you're
I agree that if at 7 you're having issues, holy hell! 15 will be the death of you. I have a feeling that if 2x divorced, she's probably one of those that changes a lot and her expectations change a lot when married. You must have seen a bit of it when you lived together, or you wouldn't have asked her to move out, just to do something about the kid.
I hate to say this but I
I hate to say this but I would move on, the kid is not going to get better if anything as he sees your relationship progress and he becomes a teen it will just get worse. You are 30, do you want kids of your own? If you do then I would leave this situation behind and find someone to start a fresh life with. I hate to say this to you I wish I could give you a pat on the head and say everything will work out but it is hard. I have a stepson with ADD and it doesn't get easier, councling medication nothing makes it easier. Her son will always be her first priority and any kids you would have with her would have to take second fiddle to that childs issues, thats not fair to your or any children you may have. Look at yourself in 3 yrs what do want in life then? Can you have those things still with this woman in this situation?
Yes, she is a couple years
Yes, she is a couple years older then me. The first two marragies involved violence, thats why they ended.
As for the ADHD, yes it has been diagnost by a doctor and he is on various medications. They have tried a few different combinations, and have recently found a combination that seems to keep his behaviour a lot more in check, although his focus is still not there. His mom talks to him about his behaviour and has made up a chart of negative actions and their associated punishments, so he knows what will happen if he acts up.
itis sad to say but youshould
itis sad to say but youshould move on....if you get married it will make a hard life for the rest of your life, not just till he is 18....it is a struggle even if he did not have these issues it will still be a struggle...do you want kids with her? if you do do you want them around her son? think very hard at what your future maybe....is she going to expect you to be a father....you should fin out and consider the pros and cons...its hard to be in love with someone but not want to deal with their kids..he is perminent...think about it,
So here’s the thing like
So here’s the thing like everyone else has said if he 7 and he's bad now, just wait until he's 15. If moving in together didn't work out the first time it's probably not going to work out this time. If you want to make this work, this child needs some kind of discipline, and the best person for that would be some type of father figure but mom needs to reinforce dad too. She needs to step up and set boundaries for her son. You guys have come a long way just to throw your relationship away; I would work on the relationship and find some common ground with the child. There are ways to fix issues like these communication and consistency are what is going to work. I hope you can work things out.