I have been a SM for 5 years now. The SS's are now 9 & 12. My husband & I have a 15 month old BD.

I has only gotten harder since our daughter was born. We hit a crisis point just recently when SS12 said he didn't want to come over on his scheduled fortnightly w/e anymore. I was not upset by this. SS12 is a moody, negative, difficult child. However my husband was devastated & has now made arrangements with their BM to spend more one on one time with them when we have them & for me to do "no parenting".

I am accused of being a NAG by husband whenever I ask them to do the most basic of things i.e pick up bath towel.
Every time they come over I feel walked over. SS12 does not even make eye contact with me (apparently I don't need to take it personally. He does it to everyone!) My house is take over & my daughter's & my needs take a backseat when the boys arrive.

I come from a single unit family & am struggling with every aspect of a step family. I feel I have majorly f*!#d up my BD's life now because I have bore her into this mess!
All the comments I have read thus far are from very unhappy step parents who regret their choices & circumstance too. Is there anyone with any ray of hope?