Lying to BM...am I making too much of it?
So since the beginning my live-in boyfriend has told lies to his ex-wife. Lies about little things and lies about bigger things...some that don't seem to be a need for. Tonight she called and asked about some medicine that was in the kids bag that wasn't there when she got them home tonight. So she called and he says "it's not here" and only after a good blessing out by her does he say "I'll look around but I am really sure it's not here". After he hangs up on her, I ask what happened to the meds and he says "I poured it out". (now, this is a whole other story as BM is constantly taking kids to dr. and over doing EVERYTHING medical...and they are CONSTANTLY on steroids). I don't agree with all the meds either but seriously!?!
for an example of a smaller thing - a few months back BM said that SS4 was waking up in the middle of the night for us to kind of know it was happening....she asked the first night he was with us that weekend if he had woken up at night (which he had..no biggie as he went right back to bed...) but BF's response "Nope, he slept all through the night". Now why the lie?
Now - my biggest thing is - if he is constantly lying to her for no reason, when is he going to start lying to me (if he isn't already)? Am I making too much of this? Does anyone else feel this way or is lying to the BM 'normal'?
Just wanted to see if anyone else had any thoughts on this??
Oh geez, so he lies to avoid
Oh geez, so he lies to avoid conflict? Ya, if I were you, I would absolutely be concerned. I agree w/others that lying is not good and inhibits you co-parenting. If they do it with you, they will do it to you, right? Uh oh. :?
Yeah - as a woman I have
Yeah - as a woman I have analyzed this to death
And I do feel like it's both of the issues mentioned...one he is trying to avoid conflict, two he is trying to be 'super dad'. He wants to make it seem like there is no issues when they are here, even though when she calls to tell kids good night they often start crying and saying "mommy, come get me. come pick me up, mommy"....now they are fine until they are tired and/or we mention bed time and then they usually have minor meltdowns wanting to go home, but other than that they are usually fine. Even once they are in bed and going to sleep - they are fine.
But even with the 'reasons' - why can't he grow a set and just be honest about stuff? If he doesn't like them being on meds, tell her that. Or if the kids have an issue with something then just say so but also mention the outcome/solution...
There have been other issues with her being difficult and accusing him of things and being difficult to even 'allow' him to see the kids so to a point I understand not wanting to 'set' her off, but I guess as a woman I just feel that he is totally handling the whole situation wrong and I am starting to take it personally which I probably shouldn't.
I heard the phrase "you are a perfect parent up until the point you have kids" - which is so completely accurate...guess it holds true for this situation too since all I have to go by is my ex-husband and I have a nice relationship (but we have no children) - and we were much more mature I think than BF and BM...but if we were dealing with the whole 'split' parenting issue..would we still have a good relationship??
Rebel, "you are a perfect
Rebel, "you are a perfect parent up until the point you have kids". I luv this! Thanx so much!