Hi Yall I am new to this and have never posted before. I have read some of what people are saying and I think without you guys we would all be lost. I want to thank you for your helpful words of wisdom and it is nice (and sad) to know others are going through the same things.

With that said I have HUGE issues and have had for a while now but really have tried to let it all go. I have BM issues, ex issues and it seems like they tag team although to my knowledge they don't know each other. I am going to start with BM since she is the more immediate problem at the moment. She is still in love with my husband. Her actions tell us she hasnt let go. they have been divorced for better part of six years and we have only been married two. I had NOTHING to do with their divorce and or their marriage for that matter. My husband and I were high school sweethearts and broke up when I was 16. We found each other 20 plus years later but my husband and his ex were well divorced by then.

I have three amazing step sons and I have two of my own. My ex is remarried as well so I understand how she feels to a point. I know having another woman in her former husbands and childrens lives is hard. My children have another "mother" in their lives too. I get that. But it seems that she lets her jealousy get the better of her and it is doing nothing but creating issues for the boys. My oldest ss is really having issues. We used to be close and now he blames me because she is miserable. She says things all the time about how its not fair we have more money than her, or that my husband did this but never did for her etc. She doesnt want the responsibility of being a parent but she is the first one to scream when it isnt seeming to be the way she wants it to be. My husband and her are supposed to have 50/50 custody. There is no child support and she really pays nothing except when we hand her receipts or confront her about it. (which is never because noone wants to fight her about it.) She doesnt do homework with the kids on her part of the week she just picks them up late so I can argue with them. I make sure homework is done before they leave the house to go with her. I have always told the kids that if they are trying as hard as they can and the best they can do is a C then that is fine. She of course screams at grade card time because they arent all A students. Come on really? they are teenage boys well, two of them are....it isnt a realistic expectation. Are they capable of it oh yea absolutely but not realistic. So every time grade cards come out it is my fault that they didnt do better and what is my purpose if I am not making them do better. they are all honor roll for the record.

I go out of my way to make things easier for her to help her to have my husband help her if she needs it. I even had this insane thought that maybe if she and I went out that maybe she would see me differently than her exhusbands wife. So for my birthday which was Thanksgiving this year I sucked it up and invited her to celebrate. We all (the kids, husband myself and her) went to breakfast and a movie. Everyone told me I was nuts but I was sure it was the right thing to do and I was sure that maybe she would realize I wasnt the bad one. Not so much. I am not so sure it worked because a day or so later my husband called her to tell her that we had an issue with the eldest and she went off about how I never do this, or tell her this or she asked me to do something and obviously I just dont care...

I sat down and wrote a very honest and open email to her explaining that I understood how she felt because I had been there and done that but it does no good and at some point for her own sanity she needs to realize that. Didnt help.

My husband and I for our anniversary had the opportunity to go to Disney for a 8 days. We were going to go alone but I said no I would feel guilty if we went and left the kids so we took the kids. We told her a long time before we left what are plans were. I was talking to her and she started to cry. I looked at her confused and she said and I quote today would have been his and Is 20 year anniversary so today is a rough day for me and you telling me you are going to disney for your anniversary just makes it worse. I looked at her and said I was sorry I didnt know (and I swear I didnt) and I asked her what I could do to make this a bit better. She of course said that it was my fault for not being more considerate of the date and their history together. (or something like that) I finally got upset and I asked what she expected him to do. They are divorced. She was the one that wanted the divorce she moved out. I am not sure what she is expecting from him. I told her i would have him talk to her about it.

She has NO boundaries she calls or texts late at night about stupid stuff. She uses the boys to talk to him. Up till recently he didnt see it. Now he does but even when he talks to how it is affecting their kids she blames the divorce, him, me and never takes responsibility for her own part.

I dont know what to do. I am watching as this is affecting my husband who feels helpless, the boys who feel guilty and responsible and me who has no place in this.

Any thoughts to what I can do to help them?