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joint bday party for skid?

testedagain's picture

Submitted by testedagain on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 3:33pm

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Just taking a poll here. Does anyone do joint birthday parties with bm, or do you do separate bd parties? Part of disconnecting is not to be around bm right? So what about in these cases? I don't like bm for several reasons, they're having a joint bday party. Is it acceptable for me to have other things to do that day?

Sootica's picture

Submitted by Sootica on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 3:39pm

DH and BM have had joint bdays for skid since they split up 7 years ago. However a spanner was thrown in the works last year after I came to said bday party (we had just got engaged after dating for 3 years, so yes I thought it was time I attended). Personally I would NOT recommend it and it will definately NOT be happening again next year!Don't do it.

3familiesIn1's picture

Submitted by 3familiesIn1 on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 3:40pm

DH planned a joint b-day party for SS7 next weekend. BM informed him she refuses to attend because she can't have a good time if I am there. So she booked her own party, same place, same day only earlier, invited DH, MY kids and forbid me to show up.

Smile You decide.

3familiesIn1's picture

Submitted by 3familiesIn1 on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 4:05pm

Oh its not the forbid of me going which pissed me off, it was that she invited MY children (which are not DH's children) and BM has no issues dumping her kids on me for free babysitting. But boy oh boy (sarcasm) did she put me in my place.

lol - sort of amusing actually - sure BM, I'll be sure to be here for you when you need me to watch your brats - NOT!!

twopines's picture

Submitted by twopines on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 3:42pm

My DH would have never done a joint birthday party with BM.

BM wanted to have a graduation party for SD, and of course have DH chip in. He told her she was on her own if she wanted a party. He did his own thing with SD.

ThatGirl's picture

Submitted by ThatGirl on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 3:48pm

No way in hell would I have ever had joint birthday parties with my exH. There is absolutely no reason to share celebrations like that. Graduations, marriages, and births can't really be avoided, however.

byebyebirdie's picture

Submitted by byebyebirdie on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 4:31pm

Nope no joint b day party here. I can see graduation and wedding only as reasons to have to all be in same room.

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 4:35pm

I actually, for a SPLIT second, considered doing this just this year. SS's birthday was Monday. We had his party at home on Saturday and BM is having one tomorrow. I considered it when SS said "my mom always tries to throw me a party and no one ever shows up, it sucks". I felt so bad for him. His birthday ALWAYS falls the last weekend before school starts. It is hard to get in touch with his friends, he can't pass out invites at school. You have to actually KNOW his friends and their parents to be able to invite them and BM DOESN'T. One year she canceled it the day before because no one was going. DH and I picked him up that day instead and took him to a baseball game so he wouldn't be upset.

This year school started yesterday, BM didn't send the invites with him when he came home on Wednesday, for a party that is supposed ot happen TOMORROW. Turns out she hadn't made them yet. So she brought them over last night. SS passed out invites TODAY for a party TOMORROW. She just sucks at it, but SS really wants him mom at a birthday party...

Then I thought, NO... I don't need to be her savior. SS needs to understand that his mom CHOOSES not to know his friends. She CHOOSES not to be involved, therefore no one wants to go to a party at her house. Not to mention, most of them came to his party at home LAST WEEKEND. Rude to expect them to come to both. I did give 2 of his little team mates invites last night because they were out of town last weekend for our party... we will see how it turns out.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 4:50pm

My husband would rather poke his eyes out with a fire poker than be in the same room with BM. She makes his skin crawl.

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 5:26pm

I would really need to see a picture of it ON someones head before I can make an educated statement regarding the powers of the hat.

BuffaloGal's picture

Submitted by BuffaloGal on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 5:38pm

That will require me to change my profile pic & post a crapton of drivelous comments on here, right? Can do! Biggrin

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 5:02pm

Then I guess it would have been best for the kids if the parents had not split up in the first place. People need to really think before they spew that crap.

My husband and I did go to the hospital when SD had her kid and BM was there. Believe me, it was not better for anybody.

testedagain's picture

Submitted by testedagain on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 5:02pm

I would imagine, but I don't like bm at all. After confronting her for being inappropriate, she called me names and has yet to apologize. I want nothing to do with her.

runnergirl4's picture

Submitted by runnergirl4 on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 5:25pm

If I was ok with them having the joint party in the first place and was invited, but chose not to attend for whatever reason, then I would be ok with it. My ex husband and I no longer do joint bday celebrations. I would not even think to plan a joint event and we get along ok. My BF's ex planned a sleepover for 12 12 yro old girls, told the daughter she could have it and then asked him if he could come over to help her out with the food and stuff. I would not be invited (yet to meet his daugther, afte very long time.). I am not good with that at all. It's bad enough the 3 of them went out to dinner on daughters actual bday together.

testedagain's picture

Submitted by testedagain on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 5:35pm

Oh, you are a stronger person than me!!! I couldn't handle that at all! But I know every situation is different.

prozac_nation's picture

Submitted by prozac_nation on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 6:01pm

We always have a separate party for SDs at our house or where ever. Never with BM. But our BM is very childish and uncivil.

I say if you want to skip it, then skip it.

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Submitted by GoodbyeNormaJean on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 7:09pm

At our house birthdays aren't these big end all be all blowouts. There are 7 kids and 3 adults to start with, so just having over Grandpa and Auntie is quite a few people. We live on a super kid-centric street and several of the children's friends live here on the street. We are pretty good friends with the neighbors, so we typically invite the neighborhood kids over for cake and ice cream, but I've actually never "booked a venue" or anything like that for any of the children's parties.

We don't get along with BM1 or BM2. BM3 is okay, and she has tried to get us to do a joint party for SD5 in the past. But she works M-F and is off weekends, and we aren't always off on weekends. What she really wants is to book a party, have us pay for it, and then schedule it for when we can't come. So we have always just let her know that we will throw our own party for SD5 here during our parenting time. She constantly tries to invite herself to our family's holiday celebrations because we celebrate different holidays than she does. I think it's just the curiousity factor. We just brush off her hints.

I don't like the idea of giving the kid the idea that we're one big happy family. In the future, as she gets older, she'll see us all together less and less. I know it's hard on her, but she'll get used to it. Life isn't always roses and lollipops.