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It's National Step-Parents Day! Hooray

WTHDISUF's picture

Submitted by WTHDISUF on Sun, 09/16/2012 - 10:21am

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Of all the Parenting there is, I believe Step-parenting is the hardest! We didn't choose a child to adopt. We aren't raising a related child. We have very little influence or input due to either both or at least one of the Bio Parents. More than that, we are challenged by both or one of the Parents. We are expected to share full responsibilities of a Bio-Parent but not have any of the respect or rights of one and the kids know in most cases, they are given the upper-hands vs equal footing or proper adult/child authority. These kids/teens are to us, strangers who are the responsibility of the people we fell in love with and therefore our responsibility too. Yeah, I believe it's the hardest method of Parenting of all!

Now, what did YOU get from your spouse/SO on this OBSCURE day honoring us woeful souls? (Stop laughing people!)

WTHDISUF's picture

Submitted by WTHDISUF on Sun, 09/16/2012 - 12:53pm

You are lucky to have a good SM in your son's life! I had a pretty decent one in that she wasn't trouble, didn't overstep boundaries, didn't mistreat my daughter. I was a good BM in her life as well -didn't act like a fool or make things difficult. I used to be a good SM but I've backed off significantly these days because BM is so ridiculous & DH has been so weak about it all. He's starting a turn-around so we shall see... He's a StepDad to my daughter but he's not really involved since she was 18 when he came around and is now 22 so really he didn't have much to do in that regard. I guess I can get him a card. Lol

WTHDISUF's picture

Submitted by WTHDISUF on Sun, 09/16/2012 - 2:06pm

I wish I could be a buddy and bond to SS8. I tried and tried when he was younger. Even then when things were 'decent', I couldn't find a way to bond with him. I'd play games with him, he'd cheat to win or pout if he lost. I would take him shopping but he always wanted more than what was purchased. I would watch his or family shows with him, take him to movies or park while DH worked. I was at every game, his practices, helped him with homework, encouraged him to read and read with him. He's left-handed so I bought all of these left-handed things for him.

But I just couldn't ever FEEL much of a connection. I was determined to treat him well but I didn't feel like hugging him. If he cried about anything I didn't feel like comforting him-I just wanted him to shut up b/c he whined so much. If he asked for something more to eat it would annoy me b/c he was just being greedy. I had bonded with kids of dates before so I just chalked it up to being due to he's not DH's biological kid. I can't see any of DH in him & though it's not his fault he was born of an affair, it just breaks the "he looks just like his Dad or he acts like his Dad or he has his Dad's mannerisms" etc. He's not even same race so he's just this chunky kid, like a neighbor kid to me. I have tried to look at him as adopted but that doesn't work either. I feel sorry for him actually and I thought that would lead me to be more compassionate towards him, but I'm not.

Now as he gets older, he's revealing himself to be smug/entitled, lazy, greedy, no interests (literally), too mouthy, selfish, manipulative. I've given up on bonding with him and in process of re-working the whole dynamic.