Is it me....
The other day my DH husband is talking about SS9 and how he is now on the school wrestling team.
He had received a video from BM showing him at at match. DH never bother to share any of the 5 videos that he had gotten over a period of about 2 weeks, I waited a bit and ask very calmly is there a reason that you don't share these with me? I was very hurt that he hadn't shown me.
He got real irritated and tossed his phone at me and said you want to watch go right ahead, they aren't very good and he is loosing. I handed him back his phone and said No I don't want to see them if you can't be bothered to share them with me. I don't know what the big deal was, it was almost like he was hiding somethng else. I now refuse to ask about SS or anything having to do with him. I've also stopped telling him to wash his hands after doing a #2 becasue the last time I did DH rolled his eyes and seemed irritated.
I don't how you can freak out if a childs hair is out of place but let him walk out of the bathroom and not ever make him wash ..DISGUSTING !
I'm trying to be a good SS but DH sometimes make me feel like a live in babysitter.
DH enjoys sharing
mostly. Talk about joy suck - your Dh and you dont sound like you have a good relationship...
I wouldn't disengage to the
I wouldn't disengage to the point where I would allow a child to walk around with unwashed hands after taking a s###. That's just gross and unsanitary for everyone living in the house.
I will be honest, if I were
I will be honest, if I were your husband, I would probably figure you had no interest in seeing a video of his kid in a wrestling match. You seem to have conflict over the kid as it is.. your DH probably doesn't think you would have any interest.
then when you asked him to see it.. he was embarassed the kid wasn't doing well. parents can be disgusted at their own kids' performances.
OP's husband actimg like an
OP's husband actimg like an ass is on HIM, NOT on OP.
OP, NO it is NOT you. Your HUSBAND was an ass.
I'm not 100% sure that her
I'm not 100% sure that her husband might have been on the defensive and that made him react the way he did.
As someone else asked.. why would she want to sit through videos of a young kid in a singlet wrestling? Her husband may have legit 1. thought she wouldn't want to see it.. and 2. it sounds like the kid wasn't doing well.. and 3. OP said herself that she thought he was hiding something.. (maybe he wasn't).. because when she saw the video it was just what he said it was.. and he probably felt hurt for being "accused".. (in a round about way).
I am not going to the point of the guy not having his kid wash..etc.. I'm narrowly looking at this one interraction.
It sounds a bit like miscommunication caused them both to go to a negative place.
Your husband was an ass in
Your husband was an ass in his response to you...that is correct. I'm just trying to wrap my head around WHY on gods green earth you'd want to sit through phone videos of some sweaty little dope grappling in a singlet.
When my skids were younger...I dreaded sports, concerts, school programs. These things are all so incredibly BORING when they aren't your kids, and I'd beg out whenever I could without offending DH.
DH would send me photos and videos of the skids sometimes. Yuck. Not what I want to spend my time on...
My dh is mostly like that
My dh is mostly like that with not really sharing anything with me about his kids. That’s part of why i mostly disengaged From them.
dh communicates or shared things about skids with his mom and I find out from MIL or on the day its happening......I don’t even think he realizes it but from day one MIL has inserted herself as the “mother figure” when I was trying to make this blended family successful....so finally i stepped aside and focused only on my kids....
the up side is that I’m expected to do nothing for skids......nothing . Dh will miss work or leave early or MIL will re arrange her schedule to cater to skids and I am never asked even if I’m sitting home and that’s just fine with me.
Is It Me
I wish that were the case. My husband is self employed and there are some weekends when SS is with us that DH has to work so I am the one stuck at home with him, I say stuck at home becasue it is usually a battle if I want to run an errand or two he never wants to go and is too young and untrusting to be left at home alone. So my day off is spent wasted. I love my SS and I try to be involved so when the incident happened with the wrestling video I was alittle put off. I enjoy the weekends that he isn't with us and have anxiety when he is. I've raised my own 2 children basically on my own, my first husband was disabled and was not involved in anything our kids did so I have already done the soccer mom thing. My DH has very different parenting ways that I do so mostly I just step back and let him run the show when SS is here.
It sounds as though your
It sounds as though your husband hasn't been clear about what he actually wants from you as a stepmom. That leaves you confused as to how much of a parent you should be in how much interest you should show. If he gives you mixed messages concerning SS is this even navigate.
I think the incident with the video was that he as the bio father is going to be very interested and whatever his precious little spawn is doing. However and you ask to see it if forces him to acknowledge that his son is not as amazing he would like to imagine.
Being enthralled with their kid is something that you're DH is just going to always share with BM and never really share with you.
I used to get upset when my
I used to get upset when my DH got pics/videos from BM & didn’t share them with me. It felt like he was hiding something from me, just like you described. And in a way he was.. he’d spent so much time painting her in this horrible light (which is mostly accurate, to be fair), and her doing something nice like sending a pic doesn’t jive with that, so he didn’t share. He also probably thought I wouldn’t care that much.
So I stopped caring. I don’t give a f*#k if she sends him pics anymore, I’m not interested. It saves me drama and internal conflict, which I AM interested in.
I wouldn’t disengage from telling your gross skid to wash his hands though, because that will impact you... let your DH roll his eyes. He sounds like an ass anyways.
It sucks to be treated worse
It sucks to be treated worse than a kind child care provider.
MY SD lives across the country with her mother. My husband talks to his kid once a week and every week I have to drag out information from him about how she is doing. He mentioned a while ago that he would start including me in the phone calls occasionally, but that has yet to happen. He doesn't get that making me physiclaly and mentally care for his kid over the years and letting me open my heart to her and then treating me as though I have little interest in her is cruel. My love and efforts are disposable and do not count or deserve to be considered.
Is It Me
SS lives 2 hours away so BM only brings him when it convienient for her which is fine with me, DH doesn't call to ask how he is doing but will be devistated becasue the child doesn't respond to his text of "Hi". If BM doesn't text to say she is bringing him we don't here anything. I say I'm trying to be a good SM becasue it is hard trying to co-parent someone elses child, I have said on many occasions that if I had been his mother he'd be a different boy, only becasue he eats when and what he wants (breakfast is soda and potato chips) he doesn't aks he just gets them. Apparently BM doesn't allow soda in the house but will smoke 2 packs a day around him subjecting him to constant second hand smoke. She is a joke.
I don't complain when DH has to work on a weekend that SS is here becasue we are saving for a house and need the money. I just feel like my DH caters to him becasue he feels guilty for not being there, and doesn't feel he should be forced to do anything he doesn't want to do.
I'm not allowed to comment on BM becasue DH doesn't want to hear it, she has been the subject of many arguments and I've gotten to the point that saying less or nothing at all is better for everyone.