Issues with my partners 11 year old daughter and his mum
So this is completely new to me but I’m feeling completely lost and at my wits end on this one and wanted to know other people’s opinions!!!
so.... I have a 6 year old daughter with my ex and we both have a decent relationship for the sake of our daughter, we have never had any issues with her and our partners as she loves them both and excepts them.
i have been with my partner for over two years now and he has an 11 year old daughter with his ex partner who will not meet or except me and my daughter and he also has a mother who will not meet or except me and my daughter also, they both seem to blame me for the breakdown of there relationship.
my partner lives with me and my daughter and he currently has his daughter twice a week to which we cannot be apart of this, so my daughter is not allowed to meet or ever go with him when he has his daughter. This issue is hard on both me and my daughter as you can imagine and more so now as me and my partner now have a 4 week old son together, I was very keen on the issue trying to be sorted throughout my pregnancy for the kids sake but this has not happened. We basically live two separate lives even though we also now have a child together. He forever just says that he can’t force his 11 year old daughter to see us or his mum and that things are how they are but it makes me sad because at some point our son is going to question this.
Mot has a massive impact on our relationship as it causes issues with everything, Christmas, holiday etc etc.
His ex has been very very volatile towards us and has even turned up outside my house where my daughter was with my partners mum too kicking off to which I just don’t find acceptable.
Please please someone help, I feel very sad and confused over what I should think and do
My partners ex
My partners ex paid to find out my address and turned up creating outside.
our 4 week old son came as a surprise to both of us.
he says that it’s not him but his daughter and mother not wanting to meet us but that he cannot force them too. I would of thought that now we have a son together that he would surely want the situation sorting out.
i don’t think it’s a good situation and I’m certainly not happy about it that’s why I posted on here to get other people’s opinions on it.
I'm not sure what gave you
I'm not sure what gave you the idea that anything would change as to how SD, BM or Gma felt just because you had a baby. Nor why you thought how your partner was dealing with it would change.
If the grown woman show in front of your home and rise a stink, you can call police. But you can't make either woman like you.... if your hope to banish all three from his life until they accept you, my hunch is your partner will end things with you instead.
I’m not wanting them to
I’m not wanting them to banish from his life I just don’t understand there hatred towards me when they have never even met me.
Your very presence threatens
Your very presence threatens their ability to manipulate your DH. He has no balls so they will maintain control, but you scare them none the less.
Why would I scare them?
Why would I scare them?
You are his mate. Mommy is
You are his mate. Mommy is threatened because you are taking her little boy. His daughter is his mini wife and is following her grandmother's dominate daddy example.
You are displacing the mini wife.
It is not a complicated concept.
He can't force his DD11 to
He can't force his DD11 to meet you? Yes, he can. He is the parent, the DD11 is not the boss. Errm umm....we know who IS the boss here and that is his EX. Until your SO stands up to his EX and tells her shove it, things will never change. He must be afraid of his EX....do you know why? This is BS....tell your SO to grow a pair of you will be leaving his sorry ass. (I say this from someone who totally gets it...trust me...I've had to say these things to myself)
Is there a custody agreement?
As for your SO's mother....forget about her...ignore her....she is irrelevant if she wants to side with the EX like she clearly is. You do not need that in your life.....tell her to stay away from your house, your children.....everything. When and IF....your exes DD11 starts coming to your house and being around your family....DO NOT For any reason let your SO's mother be a part of it. She has already made her bed....
So sorry for the late reply.
So sorry for the late reply. The situation is still ongoing and my son is now 15 months old. No he said he can't force her to meet us (she still hasn't even met her baby brother) as he said he won't risk loosing contact with her. I have tried and tried talking about it or thinking of ways I could maybe improve things but I am at a loss. I am at the point where I feel like it is the end of the road for us as it is upsetting for all of us. My 7 year old daughter finds it hard that she can't go with him to meet her.
It might get better
Hey I know this post was a few months ago but I just had to contact you as I had almost EXACTLY the same thing happen to me!
My 11 year old step daughter couldn't be made to meet me either! I had a baby with my partner and she refused to meet "her or It" (her words). She then refused to see or speak to my partner because he pulled her up on being so nasty. Every time he tried she would hang up etc.
In the end my partner (now husband) put his foot down with the ex and told her it was her fault and that she was damaging SD by letting her behave like that. (Probably the most assertive he has been with any of them in 14 years since ) The ex wasn't liking being seen to be wrong and made SD meet up with her Dad. Sd then agreed to come with him to her Grandparents house while I and our now 1 year old son was there. She ignored us both at first but baby boy crawled over to see her and the ice melted.
My story doesn't end there however. Baby is now 15 we have another son of 11 and sd is 26, after years of effort and bending over backwards to see her and make her feel comfortable with me, she and I are currently going down the disengagement route. We had a good few years of having a great relationship but it's deteriorated hugely since she reached adulthood and it has recently come to a head. So my DH will now be seeing her without me. Her brothers were not happy how she is treating their mum but I've told them to try to look past it and continue a relationship with her.
It has only been a couple of months but I have made my peace with it. She is a grown up. It's all been her doing - not mine. Her father knows it was her and her brothers know it was her. I really wish you luck - it's not an easy path to walk. I also had MIL issues surrounding all of this but that's another story!
This man moved in with you
This man moved in with you rather quickly correct? Did he not have a home of his own? How old is he? Or is he one of those "forever renting" types?
He seemed rather quick to move in with a someone (red flag). Anyways this whole situation sounds like a mess. Most people introduce their kids to people way too soon. I always say wait a year before doing so but he already lives with you so what is the point really? (I think you should wait at least a year before moving in with someone too btw). The whole thing sounds like a mess.
Hi. It was over a year before
Hi. It was over a year before he moved in with me and didn't mention for his daughter to meet us before then.