I did watch it (actually listened ) and have heard alot of the same things in the past but a refresher never hurts, not everything he spoke about worked for me but I did try. Most of it is apply these methods and wait for the results over many years, everyone wants a magic bullet that fixes the problems immediately and that doesn't happen and unfortunately sometimes you just can't fix somethings.
I was amazingly impressed with this video, especially since it was somewhat religious based. I did watch the entire video. I guess I was expecting the ol’ “suck it up and take it,” but the male speaker made it clear that if it comes down to ex- and new wife, of course your wife is what is most important. The speaker even went so far as to speak with his ex- (on speaker, I imagine), only when his wife was present. He kept coming back to that it is especially important in step situations that the spouse knows she is important and that her comfort is foremost. It doesn’t matter what makes her feel uncomfortable. What matters is that you, as a husband, addresses it in a way to make her feel more comfortable.
I thought he actually did a great job too of emphasizing the importance of the children and how to address their insecurities as well, and he did all without using the ol’ kids come first angle, and he stated more than once that husband and wife are a team, and you need to work as a team. Support each other in front of the children, so they know and see this. Don’t undermine. Re: boundaries and how time is spent, work it out with your spouse first—children don’t get to decide this. We decide. However, no SP should be coming in heavy-handed. SPs should not be treated as second-class citizens and children should not be treated as second-class children.
He stated that a SP is too often called to a role that is almost impossible to fulfill. He also stated what a lot of us already know, and that is that the SP will know before the bio-parent that proper boundaries are not being set. He stated the bio-parent is the role model for the children as to how to treat the SP, and if the bio-parent is dismissing the SP or SP’s concerns, then the SKs will as well.
All it all, I found the majority of it great advice for all. The only real neg. issue I found is that the gist was: Try these things and a in a couple of months, they’ll start to work. What if they don’t? Or what if the family dynamics seem to change for the worse down the road. How do you backtrack? Or, where to you find the strength to put up with giving and giving but not getting for years and years? You could tell he was anti-disengagement, but, once you reach your breaking point, and you feel the marriage alone is worth staying, then disengagement, at some sort of level that works for you, is really all you have left. BUT, overall, I’d highly recommend this video if you have time to watch. Gives me (slight) hope.
I did watch it (actually
I did watch it (actually listened ) and have heard alot of the same things in the past but a refresher never hurts, not everything he spoke about worked for me but I did try. Most of it is apply these methods and wait for the results over many years, everyone wants a magic bullet that fixes the problems immediately and that doesn't happen and unfortunately sometimes you just can't fix somethings.
Wow I thought his ex sounded
Wow I thought his ex sounded like a witch.
I was amazingly impressed
I was amazingly impressed with this video, especially since it was somewhat religious based. I did watch the entire video. I guess I was expecting the ol’ “suck it up and take it,” but the male speaker made it clear that if it comes down to ex- and new wife, of course your wife is what is most important. The speaker even went so far as to speak with his ex- (on speaker, I imagine), only when his wife was present. He kept coming back to that it is especially important in step situations that the spouse knows she is important and that her comfort is foremost. It doesn’t matter what makes her feel uncomfortable. What matters is that you, as a husband, addresses it in a way to make her feel more comfortable.
I thought he actually did a great job too of emphasizing the importance of the children and how to address their insecurities as well, and he did all without using the ol’ kids come first angle, and he stated more than once that husband and wife are a team, and you need to work as a team. Support each other in front of the children, so they know and see this. Don’t undermine. Re: boundaries and how time is spent, work it out with your spouse first—children don’t get to decide this. We decide. However, no SP should be coming in heavy-handed. SPs should not be treated as second-class citizens and children should not be treated as second-class children.
He stated that a SP is too often called to a role that is almost impossible to fulfill. He also stated what a lot of us already know, and that is that the SP will know before the bio-parent that proper boundaries are not being set. He stated the bio-parent is the role model for the children as to how to treat the SP, and if the bio-parent is dismissing the SP or SP’s concerns, then the SKs will as well.
All it all, I found the majority of it great advice for all. The only real neg. issue I found is that the gist was: Try these things and a in a couple of months, they’ll start to work. What if they don’t? Or what if the family dynamics seem to change for the worse down the road. How do you backtrack? Or, where to you find the strength to put up with giving and giving but not getting for years and years? You could tell he was anti-disengagement, but, once you reach your breaking point, and you feel the marriage alone is worth staying, then disengagement, at some sort of level that works for you, is really all you have left. BUT, overall, I’d highly recommend this video if you have time to watch. Gives me (slight) hope.