Interesting Documentary on Parenting
I watched a documentary recently called Hyper Parents & Coddled Kids. It was like someone else finally telling DH what I've been saying for years! Children whose lives are so prescribed and controlled to the point that they don't have the chance to make mistakes often grow up lacking the independence, confidence, and basic decision-making skills to be functional adults.
http://www.cbc.ca/documentaries/doczone/2010/hyperparents/
So when DH told SD at dinner "Move your glass away from the edge of the table," and "Turn your hamburger as you eat it, don't just chew into the middle," etc. he was just preventing her from learning valuable lessons needed to be a successful human being. Let her knock the glass onto the floor. Maybe it'll break and make a mess and she'll get in trouble, but then she'll learn about where she should place her glass on the table. And let her eat her hamburger right through the middle if she wants. She'll learn that people look at you funny when you have ketchup in your ears.
How sad is it that a 13 year-old needs to be instructed in things that are basic common sense? I'm not convinced she doesn't know better. I think she knows DH will correct her and playing dumb/the baby is her way of getting his attention. But he's definitely doing more harm than good by playing into this.
I didn't look at the
I didn't look at the documentary, but agree with your point. These are the types of comments that should be made to a very young child, not a 13 year old. Up until very recently, my DH would praise his daughter for eating her food. All well and good, except that this girl is going to be 16 next month!
Both SD17 and SD15 are young for their age, and in my view this is largely down to being treated like toddlers by both their bio parents.
I understand they want
I understand they want attention but why that kind of attention? Why the need to be babied? Do they think they were loved more as babies (so are more loveable if they act babyish)? I say that because my nephew treats my niece really crappy but then she sees videos of them together when she was little and it makes her sad because he treated her so different then. She even asked me why he loved her when she was a baby and not now.
So, I guess these parents need to give their kids a different kind of attention. Maybe DH should ask her about her day instead of reminding her how to eat and where to place her glass. Kids will act how we let them, especially if it gets them what they seek.
My niece gets a lot of things done for her at my house but does those same things for herself at my sister's. But, if I am really busy, I will make her fend for herself at my house, too. I told my sister, I don't mind doing things for my niece (she thinks DH & I spoil her) as long as I know that she CAN do for herself. I don't want her to be helpless. She is 9 and none of us needs to tell her how to eat or not to put a glass near the edge of the table. That is too much!
If they are rewarded by acting childish and immature, that is how they will continue to act.