I'm the stepmom & Fathers Day
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I know its a few weeks away still but I'm thoroughly confused. This will be my 3rd Fathers Day with ss10 and I've lost all hope. SS10 doesn't care about (and actually RESENTS that there is 1 day that is not 100% about him......smh) dh's bday, xmas, fathers days of past, etc. SS10 doesnt seek me out to help him get/make a gift. When I ask him about holidays or birthdays for his dad, he gives me the impression it hasn't even crossed his mind.
Am I missing something? Is this just the age? I can definitely remember being thoughful when I was that age and aware about how/when to do special things for people.
HELP!
Yeah, it's a tough one. For
Yeah, it's a tough one. For the first time in 8 years I was acknowledged on mother's day by SS now 24, entirely his own gesture and I was proud of him. He made me breakfast.
SS11 is very considerate
SS11 is very considerate about DH for Father's Day but SS13 is not. I think it really has to do with the personality of the kid as well as the fact that boys are kind of ... clueless.
SS13 is at the age where I use guilt to get to him and it works wonderfully.
If you nag, they just tune you out.
SS11 adores DH so I think that might be why he is more sensitive. But he couldn't tell you when DH's birthday is ...
So anyway, at 10 years old, I think you have to just guide him along with the gift thing but as soon as he seems old enough to feel guilt and remorse (about 1 more year?) then use that to make him aware of why gifts are important.
OR you could do what my mom did. My brother was 16 and didn't care about anyone but himself so for his 17th birthday she didn't get him anything. He asked what he did wrong and she said "if you aren't going to think about others on their birthdays or holidays, why should I think of you?" NEEDLESS to say, my brother put in more effort after that.
^^^^^My mom did this EXACT
^^^^^My mom did this EXACT thing to me. Lesson learned.
It may be his age or that he
It may be his age or that he is a boy. When my SS was that age I would take him shopping and spend my money (since he was 10 he did not have money). I was a long painful experience of him wanting to buy things he liked for his dad, but I did it for his dad, and now 8 years later my SS will go out and do his own shopping for his dad, but he usually consults me first about what ideas he has. I would suggest taking your SS out shopping to get his dad something, even if it is just a card and something small that SS picks out.
This has NOTHING to do with
This has NOTHING to do with gender. My son took me out to Olive Garden for Mother's Day, with his money. He just turned 11. It has everything to do with selflessness, AND upbringing. One of the things that "falls through the cracks" in divorced families is celebrating Mothers/Fathers day and their birthdays. Neither parent wants to take the high road and instill the importance of the other parent in their child. So they just ignore it. I felt bad for bf last year and took his kids shopping for him and took them all out for ice cream. No more. Since then I have realized that HE does not instill in them the importance of OTHERS' birthdays, yet goes alllll out for theirs. So he is getting what he's teaching them. My kids get their dad something, or make him something, and he takes them for some little gifts for me. And he has been a REALLY crappy father at times. If he and I can teach this to our kids, I'm pretty sure anyone can.
My SS9 is great at
My SS9 is great at gifts/holidays. But, it took a lot of teaching to get him there. Every time we're on vacation, we make a point of getting something for grandma. Every time we see something his sister would like, we write it down on the "secret christmas list" that we keep together. After a few years of doing this, SS9 started doing it on his own, like it was a game