I'm not sure how to handle this...... A little help please
Hey everybody,
I hope you're having a great Monday. I have a question and was hoping got maybe get a little insite and some advise from all you helpful people.
So here's the deal. I have been with my SO for almost 2 years now. He proposed to me a cuople of weeks ago and since then I have noticed a change in FSD(6). Don't get me wrong she has had some moments of trying to get inbetween SO and I but now that I have a ring on my finger and she has become very clingy to SO. She used to just ignore him for the most part and do her own thing. (She's a mama's girl) But now she wants to sit with him everynight (which is great), she wants him to call her everynight when she's at the ex's house (which is great as well), she has also become more distant with me. I'm not quiet sure what to think of her bahvior or how to help her.
Her mother feed her a bunch of BS when SO and I started dating about how mommy and daddy are going to get married again and about how sad she was that mommy and daddy weren't married anymore (even though she was the one that wanted and initiated the divorce). Well as off recent the ex met a guy (a 2 time ex felon that just got out of prison and can't even drive) moved him in and then married him like 4 months later. FSD(6) was noticably upset by all this seeing as how that ex fed her this dream of happily ever after and now she's married to someone else.
I want to talk to FSD, I just don't know how to approach the whole situation. When SO told her we were going to the carribean for our honeymoon she for some reason heard that daddy was taking her to Hawaii on vacation.
FSD and I have had an off and on relationship. She is very good at manipulating situations and lies all the time so I never actually know if she's telling me the truth about how she actually feels. And the lies she can tell are flat out insane. She'll wait for me to leave to run errands and then go bawling to SO about how I did something to her like when I did her hair and walked out of the bathroom she told SO that I slammed the brush down and turned the lights out on her and walked out of the bathroom (All because the part in her hair wasn't straight). She told her mother that I yelled at her, slammed the bruch down, turned the lights off, and then walked out of the bathroom. She has lied about her new stepfather being physical with her little brother and about how mean he is. She lied to the police and told them that SO slammed her head into the bathroom wall which caused him to be investigated by CPS.
I just don't know what to do. I can tell she is having a hard time at the moment. Any suggestions? Or can anyone explain to me why she's reacting the way she is now or in the past. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks in addvance.
I think she's just jealous of
I think she's just jealous of the relationship that you have with HER daddy. You are a new woman in her daddy's life who isn't mom, and she doesn't like it. She wants his attention 100% of the time, and she's old enough to recognize that you are preventing her from getting that. I had this same problem with my SD 5 (only worse), but a lot of girls act like that, at all ages.
I don't know if anyone has really found a solution to this (it's a real tricky situation), but my advice is to nip it in the bud before her manipulation gets worse. Your FDH needs to explain to her that he loves both of you in different ways, so that she doesn't see you as competition. But he needs to put his foot down when she starts acting up.
If you two are sitting together, and she tries to come in between you, he needs to be the one to say "that's not ok, you can come sit on my other side." If she makes up stories and cries to him for attention, he needs to show her that he's not going to fall for it and give in to her manipulation.
Therapists will tell you to ignore it and act like it doesn't bother you, because if she sees that she's getting under your skin, she will just continue to act out. Maybe try to show her love, and do fun things with her. Then she might see that you aren't so bad, and she might decide that she's happy with all three of you together, not just her and daddy. Really the ball is in her court because as long as she doesn't like you and is jealous of you, she will be manipulative. Don't know if my advice is any good, but hope it helps a little! good luck!