I'm losing my mind. Could my step-kids be having a romantic relationship behind our backs?
I don’t really know how to start this off. You be the judge on am I blowing this out of proportion or no.
But I’m almost certain that my BS 16 and SD 17 are sleeping together and by that I mean they’re FUCKING! This will be a sort of a vent, but I will show you the evidence and you help me to decide on what should I do next. I think that I’m going crazy this makes me so ANGRY! My friend sent me this article: http://karlolabs.com/anxiety/how-to-keep-your-sanity-when-it-seems-like-... this one and a few other had some great advice on how to overcome difficult situations, but even though I can now somewhat manage my emotions, I still don’t know how to sort this situation out. I don’t have any solid evidence that they are actually having sex, but it has been super weird and all of my red flags have gone off for the past few months.
It all started few months ago, I started to notice that they are spending more time together, but it was nothing big, SD helped out BS to do his homework and they watched movies together. I thought that this is really nice! They’re finally bonding after a year of living together.
But then it started to get weird. They spent a LOT of time together. I noticed that my BS very often in my SD room and they always close the door, so I have no idea what is going on in there. I don’t really want to break the trust of my kids and don’t storm in the room, I always knock.
But last night I woke up very early because I needed the toilet, it was about half an hour before everyone in our house wakes up and I heard my BS coming out of my SD’s room. My heart was pounding and I had no idea what the hell had just happened. But do you think this is normal?
I haven’t talked to my DH about this, how could I? I don’t have any solid evidence and I can’t possibly ask the kids, because what if I’m wrong? I really don’t know what to do can you give me any tips or ideas?
If there are unrelated teens
If there are unrelated teens sleeping/living in the same house, doors stay open at all times. Full stop.
They are minors, it's nice if you could safeguard their trust... but it would be more important to me to safeguard their safety, health, and future.
This would cause such a mess
This would cause such a mess in our home. As we've always have respected the privacy of each one. And noone would really understand why are we taking away the doors. Not even talking about birth control. How would I ever start that conversation with my SD? Here - take these pills, every day, at the same time. Don't ask me why. That is just plain ridiculous.
Have fun painting the
Have fun painting the nursery.
Allright, I will try to talk
Allright, I will try to talk about his with my BS to try to figure out what the hell is happening.
I think I wouldn't punish my kid if he would bring a girl to my home.
Your teens having a baby will
Your teens having a baby will cause a mess in your home!!! They lost their right to privacy when they started sneaking into each others rooms. You and DH need to be the parents and let these kids know that you know whats going on and the game is up. They both are long overdue for the condom and birth control talks. SD NEEDS to be on birth control since she is sleeping aka F#@&!ng YOUR son, and your son needs to know how to put on a condom. Go to the kitchen, grab a banana and show him today.
If you have a Planned Parenthood close by take them both down today!
If they are having sex then
If they are having sex then they will fully understand where the doors went.
Well unless you WANT to be a
Well unless you WANT to be a grandma, you CAUSE A DAMN MESS in your home temporarily and solve the problem!? FFS when did parents lose their spines???? Honestly if I catch any of my kids, step or bio, having sex in my house prior to marriage I will be hauling him out by his ear, putting him on the couch, and giving another dose of the big damn lecture on STDS, birth control, self-control, and role of sex in a Christian life. If he's too embarrassed to listen and participate in the sex talk with his mother to make sure he's being safe then he's too damn young to be having sex under that mother's roof. FFS!
I don't know who it was, but I read the BEST sex ed for boys lecture from a single guy, and I'm stealing it for my boys (I've got it printed for DH to use with SS10 next month). One of the key components is that if you can't walk into a drug store and buy condoms without blushing, you aren't mentally ready for sex. If you aren't willing to do for her everything you are asking her to do for you, you aren't mature enough for sex OR it's not an act you should be asking her to perform on you.
You have a responsibility as a PARENT to make sure your boys don't have misinformation about sex, procreation, and disease. It is your responsibility as a PARENT of boys to ensure they don't have the STUPID idea that birth control is solely the responsibility of the girl. So it doesn't matter if you don't want to talk to SD - talk to your OWN son.
I agree. Tell him you saw him
I agree. Tell him you saw him coming out of her room, that is not acceptable behavior, and demand an explanation. Maybe it was innocent, maybe SD is trying to set DS up with her best friend and they are conspiring together how to make it happen. Who know what highs school drama they could be up to. But I think you need to set and enforce limits. Sit them both down and explain that given their ages and the circumstances that it is not acceptable to be together behind closed doors and enforce a household room curfew. Everyone is in their own room by 11pm unless your are using the bathroom.
Time to just walk in when you
Time to just walk in when you hear something. Be surprised when you catch them. Don't go ballistic, be reasonable, but also be direct about the situation. Get them both to the doc for testing and get them both on birth control. Of course the options are much more diverse for birth control for the SD but you also need to give your DS the "Wrap it before you tap it" and "No glove, no love" clarity session.
I would be very surprised if you are wrong.
Rags is right, if they are in
Rags is right, if they are in there together why would you have to knock anyway? If they are alone in their room is when you knock bc that means they could be naked, changing, etc. but why knock if a member of the other sex is in their room??? :? :? :?
Yeah, I should change my
Yeah, I should change my comment above to:
'Congrats, grandma!'
You trusted two unrelated
You trusted two unrelated opposite sex hormonal teenagers who share a home? That was your first mistake. They probably are sleeping together. What can you do about it, like to stop the behavior? Short of separating households, not much. Your son can go across the hall for a booty call at any time. I hope SD is on birth control and BS has a stocked supply of condoms or you'll have a grandbaby soon.
The same thing happened under my roof a few years ago, DD was 19 and ss 29. She was visiting for the summer and ss had recently become *homeless* so DH let him stay here. Next thing I know they are buddy buddy and I'm stepping on opened condom wrappers downstairs. Needless to say I was disgusted, ss has been Numbah 1 A$$ to me since day 1 of DH and I's relationship. I talked to DH about it and he was supportive of their *relationship* since ss (jobless homeless balding stoner) was such a great catch :sick:
Fortunately the relationship ended w/the summer and dd wants nothing more to do w/ss.
sd and bs are likely having a relationship because of the convenience and close proximity. I would suggest if possible that the kids spend more time at their other parents home, alternating their schedules so they are at the house during opposite weeks but never together.
Make DH aware and set up family counseling. Good luck!
To send my SS to my Ex is
To send my SS to my Ex is impossible, since he lives in a different country and the BM of my SD is a total wreck, so I can't really send it to her as well.
I think I will talk with my DH to see what he thinks about it. And how should we act. But would it be okay to interfere even if they had a relationship?
I think they have these
I think they have these things called airplanes these days....
Lady, you gotta start
Lady, you gotta start parenting! What kind of question is this?! "But would it be okay to interfere even if they had a relationship?"
You stated that neither kid can go to the other parents home because of distance or how messed up they are but look at your own situation, it's a little messed up. How are you going to explain to the other parents why you let this go on? If I knew that my minor child was having sex w/their step sibling and the custodial parents were ok with it my kid would be yanked from that home so fast.
If your son knocks up his step sister he is seriously limiting his future options. Is that what you want?
Molly was saying she missed
Molly was saying she missed her. Guess she decided to make a comeback.
But how do I break it to
But how do I break it to them? What if I'm wrong and it turns out that I'm overreacting? I don't want to deal with a family that thinks that I'm out of my mind.
I hate to break it to you...I
I hate to break it to you...I am 39....and when I was 16 a good friend of mine did indeed have an ongoing sexual relationship with her step brother who was also our age. It as almost nightly and so easy for them since they literally lived in the same home.
First thing I look for when a
First thing I look for when a post blows up like this?
OP has been a member for 3 days...
Why is everyone feeding the troll under the bridge?
If you feed them they will keep returning to where they are fed.
They are teens, of course
They are teens, of course they are having sex... they are not related lol....
imagine SM can be Granma... it will be a very cheap wedding lol....and they never have to move out of the house..
SD can tell people... my SM is my MIL, Bs can say yes, I married my sister my SF is my FIL...
Take your son aside and have a come to Jesus talk with him, tell DH what you saw....
we had a poster here, her SS was 15 knocked up her 18 year old DD and it was twins....