I knew it wouldn't last, but...
I am so not looking forward to today. We admitted SD12 to a mental health facility due to sneaking out, hurting her siblings, being out of control, etc. They kept her the longest they will keep anyone the first time which was just over a week. She comes home today and I am DREADING it.
Her therapist told her and us that she needs to get her anger for her mom out and stop putting that anger on her dad and I (her mom abandoned her twice). She thinks I am stealing her freedom and her dad from her...I have treated her like my own child the past 7+ years but now she hates me and blames her mom abandoning her on me. Of course this makes my home life suck. And she hurts my bios (1 and 4) to get back at me.
She wants to spend more time with her dad...she said to watch movies. Well that was something we did the three of us so what she is really saying is she wants to exclude me from movie night. Gee that should help our relationship.
The therapist told her to write her mom a hate letter getting all of her anger for her out. She asked to talk to me on the phone two days later to tell me she wrote ME a letter. NICE! I bet she wrote the hate letter to me instead of her mom. What did I ever do to her? Oh yeah, I raised her when her mom didn't want her and her dad was a screwed up mess and deployed half the time. The therapist says our rules are right in line and we are setting her up to succeed...correction, I am setting her up to succeed, if it was up to her dad, she would not be forced to come home at night. So yeah, she hates me but if it weren't for me, no one would give a rat's a$$ about her.
SD called us last night to tell us she EXPECTS us to start sending her to a new school. She said all the kids are mean to her and if we send her back she will fight them. Her facebook shows that she called a girl a whore and her and her boyfriend and her friends and friends' friends now hate her guts. So I guess she wants to go to a new school to see if those girls don't mind being called whores?
This child is NOT better. I didn't expect a week to "fix" her but I certainly hoped to see an improvement before they let her come home. I feel like I need to sleep with my bios so she doesn't try to suffocate them in their sleep...what a great life I have 
So I guess she still hates me and I am expected to just live in misery like this. Oh joy! Does "for better, for worse" include their children at their worst?
You said that you're setting
You said that you're setting her up to succeed. In all honesty, do you want to help this child because you love her or bc you feel obligated as the SM? I ask bc I was always telling everyone that I parented my FSD so that she would grow up to be an intelligent, well rounded, independent woman. What I was missing was that I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT. It wasn't my job as she has two very capable bio-parents. If they CHOSE to sidestep their responsibility bc they were only thinking about themself (BM) or bc they needed to be superdad by never saying no then it wasn't my responsibility to step in.
Le them have movie time, let them have their own time. Let DH parent this child as if you weren't there bc who knows, you may not always be there.
Why do BFs treat SMs like a parental substitute? We have no biological connection to this child yet they expect to force us to be a parent. If we divorce BF we have no further right to be in child's life and that would be even more damaging to a child... Put this maternal presence in a child's life and then yank it away.
Your SD needs to learn respect in general. The kids in her school will be mean to her? That's a normal response when you've shit all over them to begin with. Like you said, she'll do the same at a new school. She needs to learn there are repercussions for her actions bc she just can't keep fucking things up and run away from the fallout.