i just have nothing to say to step daughter and vice versa....wondering if it ever will change?
i used to try and talk and do things but have gave up . i do not fight with step daughter but we do not talk either.
if we do talk it is very forced and it is not what i would even consider a coversation. we are nothing more then polite to each other. "hi" "bye" actually most of the time that is all we say for the entire weekend. SD is 14 this has been going on for a long long time i was just wondering if any of you go though the same thing and if it bothers you?
This lack of any closeness just bugs me sometimes.... i guess i been thinking about it alot lately and i am sure it will pass but i still will have to deal with this all my life....
i am not asking for advice on how to fix this i guess i just need to vent about it once and a while ..... i tried all i can with her and i am done it is what it is and it is no longer up to me and i told my step daughter this and my DH knows it is not me either.
Do alot of you step moms have no relationship whatsoever with stepkids? and i am talking where you say nothing to them and did it ever change maybe when they became adults?
i practice avoidance with
i practice avoidance with SD13 but it wasnt like that in the beginning.
Its just painful to be around her. Zero social skills on her part, lack of parenting on her dad's part, and honestly especially now that its summertime and the weather is nice, i have better things to do on visitation days than hang out inside playing on a device or watching TV which is all she ever does. the kid does not ever play outside. being trapped in an office all day i want to be outside when i can!
i think she senses now that i dont want to be around her. so when i am, its usually awkward.
im bummed at how things have turned out with her. i actually enjoyed having her around in the beginning and i liked having a part time child (i have no kids of my own, and never really wanted them). but now i just wish she'd go away forever. her behavior and treatment of my fiance has been simply heartbreaking to watch, and part of why i avoid her now. the talking back, the defiance, the refusals to come on visits or come on complete visits hurts him every time. its partly his fault; neither he or BM parent her in anyway, but still hurts as this is his only child and he's too old for another one.
i feel the same way you do
i feel the same way you do and i am sure my skid senses that i dont want to hang out with her as much as she don't want to hang out with me.
i used to think it would be great to have a step daughter since i have 2 boys but we do not relate at all.... you would at least think shoes and clothes would be something all girls talk about .....
i remember asking her dad if he found it odd that me and my sons g/f's over the years hit it off right away but i been in his childs life since she was 2 and conversation is so painful.... needless to say it does bother my DH and he dont really understand either but i am glad he knows it is not me....
this is terriable and you are
this is terriable and you are right i am glad we do not fight i am not sure what i would do if i was in your situation.
as far as her saying hi and bye the only reason she does is because i said something a few years ago to her dad that she never says hello or good bye , ever since then she says is the minute she arrives like now has to be the 1st person who says it... so fake!
MarieJeanne said, "All she
MarieJeanne said, "All she wants to talk about is the stupid people in her life (i.e., anyone she disagrees with) and how they make her miserable. Stupid people at work, stupid people in the dorm, stupid professors at college (uh huh, sure SD)."
My Dh, who really is a peach and has worked hard with me on the parenting issues, recently was discussing SD15's abysmal grades with me (she's smart as a whip, she just decided to make dad mad with these recent bad report cards). In an otherwise reasonable analysis of the situation, he says "but she has had a lot of bad project partners, you really can have bad partners."
I said, "you can also BE a bad partner."
I am so sick of hearing how all the other girls are somehow preventing her from working on the project or dragging down her grade, etc. I've heard her tell how she interacts with these girls -- SHE is the one refusing to cooperate. I told DH teachers assign group projects not just for the academic info. That could be done solo, easily. It is for the SOCIALIZATION, learning to be part of a TEAM. You simply cannot claim your work is the best but the other girls held you back in some way. Every. Single. Time.
Your comment resonated with me, MarieJeanne.
AGREE. Don't bother. No love
AGREE.
Don't bother. No love lost. I don't try anymore either. It sucks but what else can you do? IGNORE!
At least you get a "hi" and
At least you get a "hi" and "bye" - my SS16 doesn't even do that! And we use to be pretty close ten years ago. I think the teenage factor is part of it, but BM is so afraid of him coming to live with us and having to pay US child support she is doing everything she can to sabotage his relationship with me. His head has been poisoned by the mother. I've seen text messages on his phone from her telling him to "ignore me" and not listen to me. So why bother? If you come in my home and don't say hello or walk right past me, I'm not going to do it either. We don't talk, AT ALL. Very strange. There isn't much anyone can do, however, about them just being teenagers. This is my 3rd one and all have been different, but none have been easy.
My SD is 23 and cannot hold a
My SD is 23 and cannot hold a decent conversation. She has no interests, she knows nothing about current events, she is not very smart, she seems to have no opinions about anything (I assume because she doesn't know anything about anything). I have a better time talking to my 11 year old niece, who is bright and funny and can hold her own.
Listening to my DH trying to have a conversation with SD on the phone is painful most of the time, as they have almost nothing to talk about, either. He tries but she just has no personality. I feel kind of sorry for her.
I think maybe you're being
I think maybe you're being too hard on yourself? Fourteen is a really tough age. How much talking is she doing with other adults? Her dad? I was reading StepMonster (finally), and I think the piece of advice I liked most was the "shoulder to shoulder" activities. Instead of sitting down at the kitchen table with table, see a movie together, get a pedicure, things where you're in each other's company, but there's no obligation to carry on a conversation like over dinner. It sounds like you the two of you might be doing better than you think...and I think it will get "better" as she becomes an adult.
I wish Tessa I did used to
I wish Tessa I did used to try all of that really I did I even sat down and really had a heart to heart talk with with her and told her it's a two way street and she needs to make an effort to and every other weekend someone would come up with an idea but we would take turns and it could be something as simple as watch a movie, bKe cookies, ect. So first weekend I got all the stuff to make a blanket and that was the end of that......
It just disturbs me I never tried to be this kids mother. I done nothing to her. we just completely ignore each other now.
It is what it is and I know that but just gets to me every now and then I know I can't change it but in 4 more years the tense house will be less tense with no more awkward moments with basically a stranger spending the night....