So I have been furious at my ff who I am supposed to be marrying in October although I am considering taking that off the table, not because of his kids, but because of him. I am in the last month of finishing up my degree and student teaching right now. He is trying to let all my reasons for being upset to just slide and not even acknowledge that he did any wrong. I brought up what he did (leaving me with his kids when I was trying to study) and all he was capable is shrugging his shoulders. I wanted to punch him in the head. I told him I am to the point of calling off the wedding and moving out because I am so disgusted and insulted by his actions. I feel so alone right now and hurt. If you did not see my blog about it, here it is:

So I am engaged to my fiancee and ever since I met him, my life has been focused on him and his kids. I set up their rooms, bought their clothes, play with them, take them to do fun things and anything else I can do to make them feel at home when they are with us. I have put up with plenty of BS over the years because he would not be responsible or stand up to BM. He has grown up a lot too. So during the years I have been working full time (at one point 3 jobs) and going to school full time. From Feb-May I am student teaching to get my bachelors in elementary education and told him I really needed his support financially and emotionally. Our relationship and lives have NEVER been focused on my needs compared to his and his kids so I asked him for it just during these few months.

Well I have been student teaching, and still finishing up school and stressed. I still take care of his kids. I am their primary caregiver when they are there. Even if he is there, they are so used to me that they come to me when they need something or want to play. I found out 2 weeks ago I still had a huge Praxis test I needed to take which is a HUGE test and I can not get certified without it. Not to mention it is expensive and with me not getting paid, he has to be covering all the bills.

My problem started when his friend J got a motorcycle. My DF had one before but had to sell it when he hit financial problems. But since his friend had one again, he absolutely HAD to get one too. FOr a week and a half, thats all he focused on. Looking at ads and online for a new bike. I told him if he wanted one, I was fine with that, but now was really not an appropriate time and we also had a wedding coming up to pay for. Well he went ahead and bought an older bike anyways for $300 that ran but needed a paint job. Still, I didnt say much, I knew he wanted it but by the time he got it, he was so obsessed that I had hardly seen him at all for a week. He was always out helping friends with stuff or looking for a bike.

Then when he got the bike, he was obsessed with fixing it up and spending money on it. Then when his kids were there for the weekend, he spent the whole day on Saturday working on it while they kids kept coming to me for stuff (while I was trying to study). SO night time came and he tells me he is going to go up to the bar to have a few drinks and help his buddy run his karaoke machine do-dad. He has done this the several past Saturdays.

Well he went and my pissed off messages followed. It was the final straw. He he got made saying I was overreacting and it was crap that I had a problem that he wanted to go out for a few drinks when he has to work "so hard" right now. I guess I am just a lazy unwed fucking housewife who sits on her ass all day. He went out and I am sitting at home trying to study while his kids are there! He still does not think he is wrong and has still been obsessed with buying stuff for his bike, our bills are now overdue and he still is gone almost every night doing something to help his friends or working on his bike.