I hate to say I told you so...Not really
Shortly after the judge issued the CO, I mentioned to DH that it is really convenient that BM can read the CO and comprehend very well those parts that benefit her (e.g. EOW, time on birthdays, etc), but on those parts that benefit the kids or DH (e.g paying Child Support or respecting his right to raise the kids as he wants when he has possession), BM just can't seem to keep things straight.
At Thanksgiving, BM called DH and asked if she could drop the kids off midday on Thanksgiving and let them finish the break with us. I told DH the only way he should do it is if BM sent a text to DH asking him to take the kids so that we would at least have a text showing that BM volunteered to give up her time with the kids and couldn't later say that DH forced BM to do so. DH didn't listen, so DH and BM came up with a plan, over the phone, for them to split time with the kids (in direct violation of the CO if you ask me, but it's their fight, I let DH do what he wanted).
In December, we had planned how we were going to spend the time with the kids from day of dismissal through the day after Christmas since it was DH time of possession according to the CO. Well, about 2 days before Christmas DH and I were minding our own business and BM sends a text about Christmas and how she would "drop the kids back off on the day after Christmas. I told DH to send her a text and let her know exactly what CO says and that we would drop the kids off to her on the day after Christmas. Well, DH didn't listen to me. Ever since BM went to court and acted a fool, lying, dragging innocent and uninvolved people (e.g our pastor) through the mud, DH has the attitude that he doesn't want to do anything to make BM become defensive or give BM anything that BM can later try to turn against DH. I say SCREW HER, the CO is very clear and exists for a reason.
So, instead of sticking to what the CO said, DH once again came up with a plan for DH to allow the kids to spend Christmas eve and Christmas morning with BM even though it was DH year to have that privilege. I told him he was dumb and stupid to go along with that because next year (2013), BM would conveniently forget the compromise that DH made and it would be 2 years before DH would get that privilege back. DH simply said "that's okay, I just don't want her to try to say I wasn't willing to work with her". I say SCREW HER, the CO is very clear and exists for a reason. So what if BM tried to take DH to court over that, her only argument could be that DH wanted to follow the CO and was not willing to bend for BM.
Well, Spring Break starts at 2:45 pm today and DH was hoping that since he had been so willing to work with BM before, BM might give DH a day or two to spend with the kids since the majority of the time that we do have the kids they always have homework, projects and regular bedtimes, he wanted a chance to spend time with the kids minus the school responsibilities. I get it. But I wasn't holding my breath the way DH was. DH received a text yesterday asking "where can I pick the kids up at 6:00 pm". Yep, BM read the CO and conveniently she was able to comprehend that she has the right to take the kids for the entire week beginning at 6:00 pm. DH is trying to pretend it doesn't matter, but I can tell he is furious.
I really do hate to be right in these situations, but I cannot understand why he allows himself to continue to be sucked in by BM. DH talks about how much he can't stand BM and how dumb and spiteful she is. I mean he can go on and on about BM when he's talking to me, but when it comes to confronting her or standing up to her, he almost always takes a more neutral stance or just gives in to what she asks for.
Is it really that hard to tell her no? Or to just say "I'm following what the CO says"?
I know its frustrating that
I know its frustrating that you are right and DH stupidly thinks by being flexible it will make this more amicable with BM and perhaps she will be more flexible in return , but if he's willing to screw himself over then he should not come bleating to you.
You would imagine he would have learnt by now, the only time women like these will ever bend over backwards is IF it's convenient for her. Live and lean.
I would be tempted (and probably at some point) say to DH that if he willingly is keen to work with BM and break the CO, yet she will use it to her advantage, then do not come running for help/support/money when she takes him back to court and uses his actions against him. You will NOT appreciate being dragged through hell because of his shitty decisions which you have warned and warned him about. Sorry, may seem harsh saying that but I have zero sympathy for individuals who dig a giant hole for themselves while shrugging off clear, rational advice from their family (who it affects) and yet expect them to be *there* for them and to be caught up in shite when the doo doo hits the fan!
It sounds like DH got extra
It sounds like DH got extra time over Thanksgiving, and BM got extra time over Christmas.
If he's willing to swap time, he needs to do so without expecting something in return, especially if it isn't clearly laid out ahead of time.
He did get extra time on
He did get extra time on Thanksgiving, but only because she asked him to take the kids. My argument against it was that I wanted it in writing that she made the request so that he could take that to court in his defense against BM if she ever tried to suggest that he made her do something. Which she has done before.
For Christmas they actually got the time they were supposed to get, but DH compromised with BM about Christmas day, also not in writing.
I agree DH shouldn't expect anything in return, especially not from BM since we know how she is. But he did, hence his frustration.
I think we might have the
I think we might have the same bm and so,... My fiance is such a strong confident man, except when it comes to bm, he is willing to bend over backwards to not upset her but only when the kids are involved, otherwise he tries to make her life miserable,.... I really don't understand it.
YES! I posted another post a
YES! I posted another post a short while ago about BM keeping the skids home from school today because one them didn't feel up to going to school. Now DH has the option of picking the kids up from BM for 3 hours and then dropping them back off with BM to start their spring break.
I called DH and lit into him about how it's funny that BM gets to do what she wants and SH will let her, will even aide and abet her in doing what she wants to get her way.
I told him that it isn't right that BM gets to say what she wants about me and he "forgets" to at least mention to the lawyer that the skids have come home with messages (always negative) to deliver from their mother (skids words, not mine).
DH is all about being man of the house and yet when it comes to skids, it seems that I am in an abusive relationship with BM. WTF?!?!? I signed up for a relationship with DH, not skids and most definitely not with BM.
You are completely right in
You are completely right in saying that is what the CO is for! I can understand wanting to be flexible for the best interest of the children, but if you have a BM like ours, any inch YOU give is looked at as a weakness to her. She says she will swap weekends when the skids would skip visitation, but when it came to the weekend she claimed she would switch to, they would miraculously have things come up and wouldn't come then either.
Give them an inch and they feel entitled to a mile. It's like giving in to a bully and giving him your lunch money because it is easier. It is just going to make the bully continue his bad habits and possibly even escalate them.
I keep telling DH that when
I keep telling DH that when BM says she wants to "work something out" what she is really saying is "BM wants DH to do this because it works for BM today, but if DH ever ask BM to do the same, that will be completely out of the question and if DH ever claim that BM asked DH to do something for BM, BM will deny it and BM will make a counter claim that BM actually came up with the idea because BM thought it would be a nice thing to do for DH".