I don't get it
I don't get why parents spend so much on things that are immaterial and in reality mean nothing to their child?
Let me expand
My SO and I are decorating a bedroom for her daughter, what started as a lets do it cheap has turned into a lets spend as much money as we can to make it look magical. Forgetting the fact that we need oil for heating, food for Christmas, electricity, just spent £300 on presents for her daughter. From buying some cheap wallpaper and paint to wall paper, very expensive paint new fixtures and fittings, decals for the wall, new skirting board, bed sheets, curtains. From £150 to over £350-400.
Yes it will be fantastic for a week or so but then the kid will not care less and we have just wasted our oil money, at what point does a parent say 'Hold on! this is a little excessive' .... We don't have the cash for this.
Of course I'm the bad one because I highlight the fact that we don't have the money and that her ahem father does not pay a penny (we are supposed to be getting money starting January, what about the two year's previous.) I have savings that we dipped into and that was a big mistake, so I have placed the its my money line firmly down and its not being lifted, not for oil, food or electricity. Why should I have to pay for her lack of understanding and budgeting?
So what gives parents, why waste so much money on things that mean nothing in the grand scheme of life, in which a rich and enjoyable time with a child's parent is more rewarding than a magical bedroom? Its where they sleep, not an identity.
It's what she would want if
It's what she would want if she were a kid, never mind how short a time the magic will last.
But the problem is not the kid, or your wife's dream, but the age-old problem of money. I'll suggest you visit Amazon.com and get a book on the subject that both of you can read. I'm betting you can find a book that includes budgeting for a second marriage with step-children. I know the subject has come up here and a local site search should pull up some responses.
The current project is money down the drain. Don't fixate on it - you allowed it to happen - but learn from the mistake and don't let it happen again.
For heavens sake don't let her talk you into having a child "of our own". If the subject hasn't come up I guarantee it will. My advise is NEVER. Of course if you had asked me before you got into this my advise would have been to not marry a woman with children (the exception is if you have kids also).
With all due respect, as much
With all due respect, as much as I love decorating and as high as my nesting instincts go, it will NEVER trump the need for heat, electricity, or oil. The issue is that his wife is not only spending money in a way that puts the other bills at risk, but that now HE must dip into his funds to provide for redecorations--which is NOT a necessity. The fact his wife received no payment from the biodad is not OP's fault, so why is he being punished for it?
Regardless of how we feel about giving children a wonderful and beautiful room, the reality is that if it causes financial stress, it should be an automatic NO. Spending within your means is what being responsible entails.
As someone who is planning a nursery, I have set my budget to the BARE necessities (crib, diapers, and a car seat) and whatever's leftover can be used for other things, but it goes down in the list of priorities. Even though I have the financial means to go all out, I am still choosing not to. It would not even be a choice if I worried about putting oil in the tank for heat, and I would not DREAM of asking my husband to dip into his SAVINGS to fund a room for a child that isn't his.
If you don't have the money to decorate a room, then don't.
How many of us would freak if our husbands bought our skids something that was unnecessary when we're scraping by on bills? Probably all of us. This is the same thing.
Oil is for heat in certain
Oil is for heat in certain parts of the world, and parts of our country. For example, my business building uses an oilburner for heat, which is connected to an oil tank. This is in Long Island, NY. It gets replenished every time its down to 1/3 of a tank--which is about 1400. We might have to replenish the tank twice in a year. It's quite expensive but when you're in an area where gas is not available... it heats the house and the hot water.
My house in the city uses gas, which doesn't need to be replenished.
No problem, I think only
No problem, I think only people who live in a major coty (or spends the money to have a gas line put in) uses oil But yeah, oil heat is EXPENSIVE, although if you budget accordingly per month, it should be okay--works out to like 200 a month.
Your wife is spending bill
Your wife is spending bill money (NEEDS) on fun stuff (WANTS) because she is allowed to.
If you are the only one working, then you should have the final say on how the money you earn is spent.
I'm a parent who loves to go above and beyond for my son. Growing up he had plenty of stuff and experiences that some SPs complain about their SKs having/doing. However, I have always worked and his dad paid CS. Household bills were paid, DS's college fund and my retirement (401K and two pensions) were all well funded.
OP, speak up and put your down.
Your wife is the unicorn! I
Your wife is the unicorn!
I mostly find that men are bad with money; it's refreshing to see a man who cares about budget. Anyway, I just bought my daughter a new bedroom set for Christmas. First of all, it was a need in the family. We needed smaller furniture in her room so that her toys could leave a common area and live in her room. Secondly, I found a furniture set on clearance.
Yeah, you can re-do a bedroom on the cheap. Your wife is living vicariously through her daughter; she's buying what she would like to have had. If you are the sole source of income into the house, though, this ultimately falls on you. Don't allow it to happen again. Yes, you're the bad guy; so, what? You'll suddenly be the good guy again when you have heat, electricity, and food.
I have to be the person who
I have to be the person who controls the money as I seem to be the only person who thinks of the future :O)
I think you are probably right she is trying to live vicariously through her daughter and is also probably trying to make up for some of what she believes to be shortcomings due to the situation (long story and nothing to do with me)
As for the money supposedly coming in January, that's only him beginning to pay for his child not a back payment and it would work out at something like £100 a month about $160 so nothing substantial it's pennies in the upbringing of a child.
As for the costs, it was costing at £150 $240 and is now hitting about £350 $570, we are freshening up her room she is 5 btw not remodeling it. I have lived with this child for 2 years, she really would not care about it after 2 weeks its how she is so it really is money down the pan and money which would be better spent. For example the £250 extra it is costing would give us 300 liters of oil 2 months worth of heating.
I know its great to play on the imagination of a child but not at the loss of everyone else in the house, the world does not revolve around a child. Giving them everything will not teach them the true reality's of the world, spending unneeded funds is madness and I see it happening on here a lot. Its hard to understand, I grew up with little but enough and it gave me a better picture of the world and how it works. Should my SO not think about her future not the fairy tail?
I agree! Kids get way too
I agree!
Kids get way too much to much as a status symbol, it teaches their kids nothing and when they hit the big bad world it hit it like a wall. Taking the time to teach a child values and a setting a good moral guide line will give them more in the long run than material possessions.
My daughter fell in love with
My daughter fell in love with a bedding set at Target because it has her new favorite- owls- on it. She pulled out her phone to calculate how much all the pieces she wants would cost. It was over $100 not on sale, and that's just for the pieces she HAD to have. There were other pieces she would get if she had the money. Problem is, she has a perfectly good set already with matching everything to go with it. So...she can make the money to replace what she has for what she wants. If she wants it badly enough, she will earn/save the money and wait for it to go on sale. If she doesn't, then she won't...no harm done. BTW, she is 10.
My parents taught me that you should only buy what you can afford. There is a difference between needs and wants. If we don't teach our children these values, we are screwed. Look at our government officials. Obviously nobody taught them these values!
Fully agree and I applaud
Fully agree and I applaud your parenting !