except the part about loving BM. I think that if we all can get to a place of not hating BM and just not thinking about her, that in itself would be great.

But I do agree with what she said about her SS. She knew he was a minor so he wasn't going anywhere soon. So by default, neither was his mom. My mom was the most important person in my life when I was a young kid. I didn't think it at the time but looking back, she was. She still is very important to me.

It does seem to me like a lot of people place too much accountability on their SKs. Yes, these kids need to be held accountable. But they do not need or deserve to be held to adult levels of accountability (unless they are adults). They need to still be recognized as kids. Many of these kids were and are screwed up because of choices their parents made. To expect the kids to see things from an adult perspective, act normal and happy about changes made, and fix themselves on their own is a recipe for disaster. If their parents don't like how they're being treated by their kids, they need to try to help their kids become better people, and realize internally that they did kind of bring this on themselves. What's sad is that the kids have to suffer because of their pi$$ poor parenting.

It does seem to me like a lot of people enjoy "getting revenge" on SKs, and holding these kids to rules that their own kids don't have to follow. Pouring hazardous liquids on SKs clothes, going to events to pi$$ them off, etc. isn't going to make YOU a better person in the long run. I just feel there are other ways of letting these kids know you're not a doormat than sinking to their level. And holding sks and bios to different rules is asking for disaster. If the kids are close in age they should be following the same rules. Doing things like having one kid ask for food while the other can get it on his own is only going to make the kid asking for food feel like an outsider.

Nobody said we have to be doormats to SKs and BMs. But there's also no written rule that we must deal with BM. And we can firmly let these kids know we are not doormats by disengaging and saying things like, "I don't talk to people who treat me disrespectfully." I've disengaged and said stuff like that to SKs. And after awhile, they got the message.