Hi guys! You might know me from such ridiculous posts as “I’ve lived with my bf and his kids for a year and they don’t know we’re together!!” And “i have a massive inferiority complex about BM, I’m sure it’s not cos my BF repeatedly puts her before me, right????” I have an update! It’s not great!

So! Last time I posted, I really thought I’d had a breakthrough and seen the light and listened to everything you guys had to say- And then I decided that I knew better and that we could fix this if we just had some time and space. I confronted him, told him I wasn’t leaving him but I was moving out and we were starting from scratch. I wanted to give us another try, but I couldn’t do even one more day of living here without the boys knowing about us. I told him I wanted us both to go to therapy separately and together, and for him to really work out why he’s like that with BM and stop it. I went to stay at a friends for a week, and by the end of it I was back in the house, and he’d somehow convinced me that we could do all this while still living together- so here we are, 3 months later, and you guessed it folks, he still hasn’t told his fuckin children we’re together!!!!!

To be fair, he has really changed how he deals with BM, and I think he’s done a lot of thinking about it. That’s pretty much pointless tho, because the kids finding out kinda had to be step one of the plan if I was still living here. That’s why I wanted to move out for a while for us to take the time to do this work on our relationship. But I’m still here, and my life’s still hell, and nothing would be fixed by them finding out now, because I am so hurt that he has let this go on even after I was so honest about how it made me feel. I feel physically sick before they come, I’m so stressed out. They’re here 50% of the time. I am not relaxed for any of that time. And that’s his fault. He can’t fix this now.

So, the switch has finally flipped, I’m done now. I’m saving money and should be able to get out and into my own place within a month, but until then, I’m not talking to him about this, because I’ve realised now that how back and forth and delusional I’ve been about all of this is because he’s manipulative. He will try to make me stay. I don’t want to just go and stay with a friend because if I leave my dog behind even for a few days I know I’ll have no right to come back for him, and I couldn’t bring him to anyone’s house. Don’t feel great about pretending everything’s rosy for another month when I’ve already made the decision to end things, and REALLY hoping he doesn’t pick now to just randomly tell the kids- but I just know that if I don’t break up with him and walk right out the door, I won’t break up with him.

Don’t really know why I’m even posting this, I’m sure none of you remember, but you guys were a really big part in making me realise this was the decision I had to make, even if it took me far too long to make it. Certain comments have always been stuck in my head and being mulled over. Thank you so much for being real with me about where this was going to go. Something about our relationship that I didn’t mention before because I thought it would make you all biased but I see now is maybe relevant, is that I’m in my early 20’s and he's in his late 30’s ... I’ve been a bit naive.

One thing I will ask for advice on now is dog custody and if any of you guys have any tips on managing that convo. We got him together, his names on the adoption records and insurance, but mine is on his microchip and dog license, so I’m not sure where that means we stand legally, but I think the dog will have a better life with me.