Huge rant. I hate my gfs 9yr old son
I am in a similar situation. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year now and they recently moved in with me. I am 31 with 2 daughters (5 and 7) she is 30 with 1 son 9yrs and a daughter 11yrs. Both from different dads.
She told me right off the bat her kids don't want her dating anyone.. Her daughter primarily lives with her father and is very respectful to me most of the time. Her son however, (who's father was apparently abusive and is out of his life now) is an absolute little shit that i just cant stand. He refuses to listen to me. Will scream "Youre not my dad i dont have to listen to you!!" when i get fed up and tell him to do something or stop doing something. He will tell me to shut the hell up, etc. I have a very short fuse for this kid because of the way he treats me and his mother always finds a way to blame me for the way he acts towards me.
He treats my youngest doughter like crap, always mean to her. Anytime I mention it to his mother she says "it's because your daughter is bothering him.." My oldest daughter and him get along pretty well most of the time but sometimes she comes to me crying saying he's calling her names saying shes dumb and stupid, etc and when I tell him to apologize she'll defend him and say no he doesn't have to because my son said your daughter called him names first (which i know is a lie because she never calls any kids names) and her son calls everyone dumb and stupid, including me, and is a total liar. Ive caught him many times lying and he'll never admit to it. She overprotects him so much it's disgusting. I think because she's trying to overcompensate for dad being abusive.
On the weekends she lets him stay up as late as he wants 2 or 3 in the morning watching you tube. He DEMANDS the phone the second she walks in. Doesnt even ask for it or say please. "Mommy i want phone. Give me phone!" And she gives him it without hesitation so he leaves her alone. I have been picking him up from school, feeding him making him take a bath, putting him to bed etc while shes at work. Now that they moved in im around him more than she is. I gave him a bedroom downstairs and he'll eat candy down there and throw the candy and all the wrappers right on the floor (knowing i keep my house VERY clean at all times). One night while she was at work I told him not to do something and he screamed at the top of his lungs to get out of his room. I told him I pay the bills in this house and I will go wherever I please, then he told me to go suck a dck (in front of my 6yr old daughter who doesnt even know what that is). I told his mom what he said and she couldn't believe he said that but said "at least he admitted to saying it unlike your kids" amd ended up finding a way to blame me for the reason he was acting that way with no consequences for what he said.
He's alway talks to me in a very rude tone right in front of his mom and she never says anything like "Hey dont talk to him like that ornill take the phone away". He literally thinks he can talk to me however he wants because even in front of her she never disciplines him for it.
Not only that but he still leaves huge poop stains in his pants and leaves poop crumbs all over the house. I've told her many times this is ridiculous he's 9 and this should not be happening and she keeps saying there accidents but it happens on a daily basis. Both my daughters stopped leaving ANY stains in their pants by 3 or 4. Every time he goes to the bathroom I have to pick up 15 little poop crumbs I get home from work and there's poop crumbs all over the house. Hes always on the couch and now the couch smells like straight shit. Literally. The other day I picked him up from school and right when he got in the car it smelt like someone took a dump right in my backseat. It was so foul. I called his mom at work and she told me to make him take a bath. When i told him to take one he starting throwing a fit, whining, getting angry saying no and refused to do so. I had to put his mom on the phone to make him and it STILL tooknanother 20 minutes to get him in. Its like kid you just literally shit your pants and you just want to sit in it? Itndoesnt bother you? The smell doesnt bother you??? Like wtf. She always says she'll talk to him about it but nothing ever changes.
He feels so entitled. He never says please or thank you. When hes thirsty he says "im thirsty. I want water." I took them to an indoor park once spent $100 on him for his pass and his mom told him to say thank you to me and he just could not do it. He refused to say thank you. Just thinking about saying thank you was like torture to him. He would rather LEAVE then say thank you to me. I couldn't believe it.
Im not super religous but my daughters and I believe in God and they do not. Her son says god dammit Jesus Christ all the time and she doesnt care. I tell him not to say it and sometimes he listens but still says it occasionally. When I asked her why she lets him say those things she said because it doesn't bother her. I was like hes 8??
The most recent episode was me watching a PG-13 preview of a "scary movie" where a phone app tells you how many days until you die. Just know this kid watches R rated scary movies all the time. Freddy Krueger and Chucky at 7 a.m. when he wakes up. He was eating his dinner at the table when I was watching this pg-13 preview in the living room, then tells me in this very rude tone (in front of his mom) "i dont like this. Turn it off now" where i just ignored him because A. I didnt like his tone or the way he said it, and B. the 1 minute preview was almost over. He then screams at the top of his lungs (literally) "I TOLD YOU TO TURN IT OFF NOW!!!!!!!!!!" (Because he said it was 'too scary') And she did nothing except say "Eat your food sweetie".
My youngest daughter loves his mom and he REFUSES to let her be anywhere near her. If she sits by her he runs over and pushes her away. Ill bring home food for everyone to eat. He eats all the food i buy. When my gf brings home food he tells my kids they can't eat it.. and will throw a total fit if his mom gives some of the food to my daughters. He is so selfish and again shell just be like "stooopp" to him and thats about it.
The other night he was giving me attitude and tone right in front of her and she did nothing.. so I finally lost it and yelled telling her she lets her son treat me anyway he wants to with no consequences. Also my daughters. My daughters have NEVER and would never talk to her in the same tone that her son does to me, and if they did I would ream their asses. She seems to think her son is just perfect and anytime he's having an outburst or throwing a fit it's someone else's fault thats causing it. Either mine or my daughters. Shes always justifying the way he acts. Everytime we argue he just LOVES it. He wants us to break up soo bad. When we argue he plays the "poor me" card so she holds him and makes me out to be the one "treating her son poorly".
But the other night I just couldn't take it anymore and said if you are going to let your son openly disrespect me in front of you and talk to me the way he does without disciplining him then you have to leave. So they left.. its been a week. She blocked me on facebook. Havent heard from her since
She has done you a huge favor
She has done you a huge favor. Enjoy your freedom!
Seems to me you should be
Seems to me you should be grateful that she and the horrid kid are gone and you didn't waste more than a year of your life on them. I'm sure your daughters will be happy not to have to deal with the little hellion.
They do like her but are very
They do like her but are very happy her son is not here anymore. I did love her a lot. We've been thru a lot. But the house is so much more peaceful without them here.. she's the only woman I ever introduced my kids to since their mom and they did like her a lot it's just her son that causes all the drama.. and she refuses to see it
No it's actually her that
No it's actually her that caused all the drama by not parenting her son or respecting you.
As painful as it is, I think you have had a lucky escape. You deserve someone who values and respects you and that most certainly was not your former partner.
Dodged a bullet on that one
Dodged a bullet on that one didn't you, just be thankful you aren't CS payment number 3.
Hahaha omg i literally
Hahaha omg i literally laughed out loud
Honestly, you shouldn't have
Honestly, you shouldn't have been subjecting your daughters to this boy. No "partner" is worth putting your own children in a bad environment. Your kids WERE in a bad environment with that feral brat.
Seriously, why would YOU want to live with a feral brat that was ALLOWED to be disrespectful to you?
Be glad they are gone and you did not have to evict them. Also, get some therapy to figure out why you were willing to accept this type of treatment so you do not fall into another poor relationship.
I do agree with you on that.
I do agree with you on that. Part of me was hoping things would change once they moved in. I definitely don't need treatment.. I knew what I was getting into and had a bad feeling about it but figured maybe he needed a male figure in his life. But he contonues to show zero respect for authority and his mom just lets it slide. Even under my roof. Which is why I made them leave after 3 weeks
And another part is his mom
And another part is his mom tries to make me feel like he's being disrespectful because of the way I'm treating him. Which made me wonder. But then again I don't treat her daughter anywhere near the same way I treat him because of the way she respects me
Wow. The amount of stuff you
Wow. The amount of stuff you put up with - SO MUCH! Fabulous decision on asking them to leave. Bravo!!
The boys cleanliness habits
The boys cleanliness habits are disgusting. There appears to been no attempt from the mum to deal with that properly. It’s not going to change, otherwise she would have dealt with it already.
You are better off without them.
Welcome to the site!
The relief to get rid of this obnoxious "mini-husband" and his passive aggressive, colluding mother, must have been overwhelming. Can you imagine what that kid is going to be like when he is 15 - ooh la la.
I cant even imagine what he
I cant even imagine what he will be like. And thats exactly it, she treats him like her mini husband is just gross.
I can't tell you how many times she would fall asleep with her son rather than coming into our bed. Always saying her son takes "such good care of her" almost in a sense to make me jealous. She put on romantic sexual love songs a few weeks ago while she was falling asleep with him on the couch holding him. When I went near her her son told me to leave her alone lol i was like wtf is this sick shit?
We were arguing about a month ago about him and I told her she can just go live her life with her lover son and they can go have kids together since thats vibe im getting.
You told her to leave. She
You told her to leave. She moved out. The relationship is over. Problem solved. Keep it that way.
It sounds like ALL of the kids in the home were pain in the asses. Your SS did his crap in the open, while your daughters were sneaky with theirs. BOTH of you defended or denied their behavior.
It sounds like she was done with this relationship a long time ago. Clearly she had an exit plan in place but didn't have the balls to walk away on her own. You telling her to leave(which you should have done) was the push she needed to put her plan into action.
Oh, she's not gone. She's
Oh, she's not gone. She's hoping you will chase after her and beg her to return. When she unblocks you and starts the love bombing, don't fall for it.
This woman has some serious deficiencies as both a parent and a partner. I'm sure you can do better, and for sure, your daughters don't deserve this.
Are you saying she is hoping
She probably is hoping that i chase her but I'm not going to this time. I did all the other times she pulled this, but that was before they moved in and I got the full effect of her son on a daily basis. She is extremely attractive which gets the best of me, but I'm finally realizing that's literally ALL she has going for her.
The only problem is she left most of her son's clothes and stuff here, his PS4 and some of her things too.. because they left so abruptly the night I made them leave. She also still has the key to my house!!
Time to change your locks.
Time to change your locks. And put her and the kids stuff in boxes. It will be easier when she wants to collect them. You absolutely made the right decision.
Thanks I think that's what I
Thanks I think that's what I'm going to have to do
Change the locks, tomorrow.
Change the locks, tomorrow.
How much stuff does she have? Can you pack it all up and have it in the garage waiting for her to pick it up? Do you have somebody that can be there while she picks it up as a witness?
It's not too much stuff. She
It's not too much stuff. She has just a few of her clothes (which I'm sure she wasn't worried about) but a lot of her son's clothes are here and his PS4 is here which I know he will want..
Wow
Think you done the right thing. Dont chase her just let it be and move on. Considering the relationship as over. If the child like that now imagine him at 16 or 17 with a teenage attitude. Lounging around the house with no job or money.
Because believe me that the future picture.
The thing with some sk you may house them feed them treat them as you own. They will never be grateful for any of it. Will always see you as the enemy.
I agree. She always told me
I agree. She always told me to spend more time with him so he opens up to me and 'lets me in'. I took them snowboarding for the first time cuz he always wanted to go and have spent more money on this kid over the past year than my own. And he just doesnt even appreciate any of it. Thinking about him as a teenager is disturbing.
I'm not reaching out to her at all but the fact that her son's PS4 is still here (his everything), most of his clothes and she still has the key to my house makes me wonder. Last time she blocked me we didn't talk for a full month that was before she moved in and the only reason we started talking again was because I reached out to her but I'm not doing that this time I just don't like the fact she has a key to my house. When I called her to tell her to come get the stuff and bring the key back she wouldn't answer and wouldn't reply to any of my calls or texts
She is playing you.
Her DS comes first, there no love left for you. Be happy because this kid will not change.
That's exactly how I was
She's not playing me. She just lets him talk to me in a sense that hes her bf and im just some guy living with them. That's why I told them to go get married and have kids together
Wait, how is she playing him?
Wait, how is she playing him?
Her kid sounds horrible and she's an awful parent. But she moved out, blocked the OP and he hasn't heard a peep out of her. That doesn't sound like a game player.
Congratulations!
I was super glad to read that you asked her to leave.
After all that sad, sad vent. Whew, you seriously dodged a huge bullet, train, bus, whatever. So many people stick it out, and allow themselves to be treated like trash by these "poor children of divorce". Self-preservation isnt part of what you learn in high school, but it should be.
Change your locks pronto.
Thank you I appreciate it. It
Thank you I appreciate it. It's definitely not easy and it's still hard for me, primarily because she's very good at making it seem like I'm the one causing him to behave the way he does. Like I'm 'not treating him like a child' but i cant treat him like a child when he tries to act like a grown man to me and his moms bf, while she just sits there and allows it.
You Dodged A Bullet
Never let this woman and her kid back in your life! It would only get worse never better.
I only got through about 10
I only got through about 10 sentence of your post before my face was flushed and I was screaming (in my head) why TF do you tolerate this failed woman/mother and her toxic spawn to pollute your life and more importantly the lives of your children.
Booting her and her entire shallow and polluted gene pool was long over due. Do not engage at all. Text her to tell her her crap is on the curb for pick up by GoodWill, or better yet, take it to GoodWill and donate it then give her the donation receipt so that she can write it off on her taxes as charitable giving.
I tolerated it for way too
I tolerated it for way too long. Part of it was her always blaming me for "not doing enough" or trying to make me seem like I treat her son poorly which is why he acts that way towards me. Which i started wondering if maybe thats true, but Im never the same way with her daughter, who actually listens to me and understands i am the adult. Even if she doesnt like what inhave to say.
And she hasn't done half the things for my kids that I've done with her kids. Ive had one on one time with her kids many times while shes at work. She's never once, not even once done anything with my kids alone. Usually having work as an excuse, and telling me I'm alone with her kids and need to try harder with them where she's never alone with mine..
Aaaaaand you tolerate this
Aaaaaand you tolerate this why?
So, for future consideration
So, for future consideration - before someone moves in, while still wooing one another, is the BEST it will ever get. After that its all real life. If it isn't good before you are even cohabitating, its going to be a nightmare once you actually are.
Yes I quickly realized that.
Yes I quickly realized that. Part of me was hoping if I gave them a solid foundation, household and gave her son his own room (since she lives in a one-bedroom apartment where they share a room and the same bed) they would start appreciating it and he would start treated me with more respect. Especially since im paying 100% of the bills. But that just wasn't the case... I gave him the biggest room in the house downstairs and he had the nerve to tell me I'm not allowed to ever go in his room within the first few weeks of moving in.
Leave his PS4 and all
Leave his PS4 and all belongings on your front lawn. Pray for rain.
Somebody not wanting you to
Somebody not wanting you to see their place for an entire year is a HUGE red flag.
She tries to make it seem normal because to her, it is. Another HUGE red flag.
This girl has some mental issues.
Yeah that's always really
Yeah that's always really bothered me. The first few months we started dating when I asked to go in to use the bathroom she would never let me go up to her apt, and said she doesn't let new boyfriends into her place, which I kind of understood at first but then a year later she still has never let me see it and I'm really wondering why that is.. It drives me nuts. Like what are you hiding??? Its just bizarre
She let my 4 year old daughter go up there once to use the bathroom when I was dropping her off but will not let me go up there
So I take it that you haven't
So I take it that you haven't changed the locks yet because you are leaving the door cracked in case the little birdy should return.
You need to just let this one go. Changing the locks and disposing of the belongings will be the closure to this that you need. It sounds like that boy was treating you very badly,. and the SO as well
I know she won't just show up
I know she won't just show up because she's not that type of person. But no I have not changed the locks yet and I'm pissed because I actually just changed them six months ago!! But she's definitely not the type to just come over and let herself in although she does still have the key, I know she would never just come over unannounced.
And he did treat me like shit constantly he never wanted her to have a boyfriend and hated the fact that we were dating. He literally tries to act like hes her boyfriend. And i feel like she likes it, always saying her son "protects her".. Its just insane
Thank you
Thank you all for the feedback and support. That is why I came here to get some outside advice of what I've been putting up with, and to help me see the light and move on. Even tho its very hard to do so since im in love with her but cant stand her son. Even the sight of him pisses me off. But she claims hes so mature and kind for his age, but definately not towards me
Originally I thought maybe
Originally I thought maybe you could be my current partner as him and my son don't see eye to eye and we have the same kids ages are slightly different but the behaviour of this child is so disrespectful and that would never wash with me. You cannot be disrespected in your own home and by what effectively is your own family (I get biologically not but as you blend they are family too) be glad they're gone. She was not actively parenting this child. Maybe due to the abuse. my ex put me and my children through a hell of a lot so makes me feel guilty and explain some of the bad behaviour. Not saying the behaviour is acceptable at all there btw there's being understanding about a situation and being a push over. Could some of this child's issues stem from the abuse? Because he clearly does have a lot. Just know the fault does not lie with you. It's not your fault or responsibility to parent this child be glad he's out of your life. X
Thank you. I really dont
Thank you. I really dont think its from the "abuse". My girlfriend broke up with his dad a year after he was born and raised him on her own until he was 7. His dad moved to texas where she then let her son stay with him for 1 year. When my girlfriend and I first met he was still living with his dad in texas. If I had met this kid right off the bat i probably would have never started dating her. About 5 months in he came back to visit his mom for a week amd was telling her his dad would always hit him in the head and now he can't hear, and to not send him back to his dads.. which she complied and now wont let his dad even contact him. His dad told her he was lying.
Now I'm sure he was probably getting spankings or what not (with the way he acts I don't blame him) but I really think he was exaggerating to his mom so she would pitty him and not send him back to live with his dad. And i know he's lying because he told her that he can't hear out of his left ear so she brought him in to get his hearing tested where they put the headset on him and turned the volume all the way up and he said he couldnt hear anything on the left side, claiming he was completely deaf on that side.
The funny thing is, his mom called one day from work after this, and wanted to speak with him so I intentionally gave him the phone and put it up to his left ear and he had a full conversation with her and never switched the phone to the right ear. When his mom came home I told her this in private, basically letting her know he can hear just fine out of his left ear, where she just made another excuse saying "well he can still hear me with his right ear even if the phone on his left.." im like come on if he was REALLY hearing impared he would have switched the phone to the other side.. again always finding a reason to believe her son.
But it's not like this kid was abused for years he only lived with his dad for 1 year and I feel like he fabricated all these stories so he has Mommy right where he wants her. And loves pulliing the "YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IVE BEEN THRU!!" card. Like he's just been beaten his entire life..
Can't imagine the brat liked
Can't imagine the brat liked that his mum had changed her life while he was away for a year. Even if the abuse did damage him she should not be allowing him to behave like that. It's unacceptable. Worse thing for me is not when they're little it's when they get to adults and this behaviour hasn't been dealt with can see where this boy is heading and it is not a nice vision. I have a very slight hearing impairment in my left ear it's not really noticeable to me is just scarring left by ear infections/perforated ear drum so nothing serious but will still use my right ear when on the phone. Is he more clumsy than average would you say? Balance wise? Would your ex be open to going to some parenting classes with you do you think? Maybe hearing the need for rules/discipline from a professional might help her see the light. I know you have done with the relationship but you don't seem particularly happy by the outcome
He definately did not like
He definately did not like the fact she had a boyfriend. And would constantly tell me that we will break up. Like he would make SURE of it. And no he has fantastic balance and is not clumsy at all.
I screamed run and you ran.
The whole time I was reading your post I was screamming "RUN!!!" in my head. Then I got to the end. What a rooer coaster ride. I wish the best in finding a life mate. This woman will have trouble securing any stable relationship if she contantly blames other people for child's behavior. I teach my children to respect all adults unless they are being told to do something morally wrong. To be disrespected in your own home is awful. To have the BM condone, if not encourage it by blaming you, is horrifying.
I can't believe I stumbled upon this post.
Newuser333 So how are things going for you now? I'm in the same position with a girl who has a 9 year old kid that just gets on my freaking nerves. I'm a bachelor though and I've never been married and I'm very thankful for this. Love is hard to find and especially now living in this pandemic!